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Tell him that you want all the groomsmen to match and if he doesn't want to conform (because seriously, that's not an unreasonable request from you), you'll be happy to let him wear his military suit to the wedding...as a guest.
I think this would be a different issue if he were active duty and wanted to wear his dress uniform, as it is often customary to wear a uniform in these situations. But if he's no longer in the military...I vote that he doesn't really get a say what he is wearing if he is a groomsman.
@sharttle: What do you plan to have the other groomsmen wear? You should just have your FI or yourself send out an email saying "this is the color suit you need to get"
Does he have a wife/fiancee/girlfriend? If so - talk to them because they probably have more power over him! Or maybe have one of your parents say something to him if he is not listening to you?
I agree with sapphirebride, if he was on active duty it would be a different story. But you said he's no longer in the military, so he shouldn't be wearing his uniform at all. I think there are actual military rules about that. I don't think you're allowed to wear a uniform if you're not currently in the military.
This is YOUR wedding. You need to do what you and your fiancee want. If that means no military suit then you just need to come right out and be blunt with your brother. Tell him that he needs to respect your wishes as the bride and you would like him in the same suit/tux as everyone else. Its not about what he wants. In time hopefully he will get over it. But as you said, he is not active right now anyway!
I agree with @Statutory Grape. It also sounds like, to me, he wants to look good and make a statement at your wedding but you've got to just put your foot down and tell him no.
I'm all for guys wearing their uniforms (DH and half of his groomsmen did for our wedding) but if he's no longer in the military I don't think he's even allowed to wear it... (someone else may be able to correct me but that's my understanding...)
If he is allowed to wear it (according to the military) I would let him. But that's just me...
He is still allowed to, as long as he has been honorably discharged.
I understand that it wasn't your vision, but you should let him.
Thanks everyone! If he were active duty in the military it wouldnt be a question in my mind, but he's not. I am just going to keep telling him no. I should check into the rules because maybe he shouldnt even be wearing it since he's been out for awhile now. I think he is just doing this because he doesnt want to pay for a suit.
Tell him that he can wear his military suit to HIS wedding but not yours. Or like a PP said he can wear it to your wedding as a GUEST. I think you just have to put your foot down and tell him that he simply cant do it. I cant even understand why he is insisting on this.
He is most certainly allowed to wear his non-combat uniforms in public as long as he was retired/honorably discharged.
Why does he want to wear it? Was he in combat? Does he feel a certain connection to it? If so, I could reconsider and look at it from his point of view.
Or, reconsider having him in your wedding party if you must have a coordinated look.
i am in the process of begging my brother to wear his dress blues (he is a marine and 10 months younger than me) i think they look so sharp and im very very proud of him, so i think he should show it off.
this is an interesting thread! my FH is prior Army (special forces Airborne paratrooper) and before we got engaged he mentioned something about wanting to wear his uniform. now, he's only mentioned tuxes. i don't care what he ends up wearing because he'll look dapper either way, but i didn't know if he was allowed to wear it if not active or if it might be weird (thoughts?) so i appreciate some of the clarification in this thread! in your brother-groomsman situation, i think you absolutely have the right to tell him what to wear since he's out now, but maybe you can incorporate something else into his like a pocket square or something with his bout that has a military connotation - like a challenge coin peeking out or a pin on his lapel something? that way you're showing that you want to recognize his service but not make it a focal point or cause for distraction.
He wants to wear it so he doesnt have to buy a suit which I think isnt fair to me. We also told him we are going to pay for the suit or get one free from one of the stores offering deals like that. It would definitly be a distraction because its green and the suits are going to be black. im not sure of the rules if he is allowed to wear it but I am thinking he is because he has it in the closet and he got the pins and patches put on before he got out. Im just going to stand my ground with this one, if he wont take the free suit then he can wear the suit he has as a guest.
@sharttle: I was going to say that too....if he doesnt wear the suit you are asking him to wear then he can wear his military uniform and not be a groomsman. It would really suck if it came to that but honestly its not that big of a deal to wear a suit. I bet you could even find a suit that he could borrow. Are you doing black suits? Almost every man I know already owns a black suit so maybe he knows someone (or maybe you do) who is the same size as him that he could borrow. Joseph A Bank ALWAYS has buy one get one free suit deals.
We had a former marine in our wedding and he wore a tux, just like the rest of the guys. He was actually happy he didn't have to wear his blues. It's not a military wedding so he should wear what you want him to wear. We did have one of our friends who is an ex-marine wear his blues, but he did that just to help him pick up girls and it worked! lol
Sharttle- Good for you for standing your ground. I agree that if he wants to wear his uniform he can do so as a guest. There is no reason for him not to wear a tux, if his only complaint was he didn't want to pay for one, but since you said you would do so for him then he shouldn't be complaining anymore, but I want you to be careful. I don't know your brother, or how he acts, but be careful don't let him tell you that he will wear the tux and then the day of he switches into his uniform. I was in a wedding and one of the bridesmaids refused to wear the same color dress, eventually she told the bride she would wear the same dress but ended up changing out of that dress and putting a different one on. Luckily we caught her, but people can be sneaky like that.
Speaking as the daughter of a retired army guy, you can totally wear your uniform after you leave the service. Just not technically at protests or things like that (but they don't really enforce that rule so there you go)
it's less of him being in/out of service, but that he's doing it so he doesn't have to buy a suit? What uniform is he wearing? Because it doesn't sound like dress blues (or whites for the navy guys)
Im not going to lie, when I saw the thread title I was fully prepared to bitch you out. lol. BUT, he's not active duty.... so he's being ridiculous. Especially since he just doesnt want to get ablck suit and thats the only reason he wants to wear it. Good for you for laying down the law. I would have told him no just like you did.
@lolo7835: Um, most Army dress blues are green. There are different versions, but I know that enlisted ones are green at the very least.
When the vet is discharged he is no longer under military ... Only active military are legally permitted to wear the uniform. enough said!
Damn proud he served our country and came back to the states in one piece :)
If he's just doing it to avoid buying a new suit, tell him no and stand your ground, because that is not a good enough reason.
@zippylef: I'm not an expert, but dress blues are blue. The greens (I think they're called Class A's) and the whites are being phased out, and I don't think they were called blues. But I could be wrong about that.
No, I don't think you should let your brother wear the uniform, first because it's not the vision you want...and 2nd, he's no longer in the military and that would just be weird to have him wear it to a wedding when it wasn't a military wedding and he's not in the military anymore. I know my husband would feel weird about it (he's Army). Beings it sounds like it's more of a financial reason, maybe you could help out if there are funds available? If he can buy the suit, but refuses too just because he doesn't want to, then that might be the time to remind him that when he accepted the role of a groomsmen, paying for a suit, whether he wanted to or not, is kind of part of the deal. lol My little brother is a groomsman in my little sisters upcoming wedding. He's having to wear wranglers, cowboy boots, and a cowboy hat and he IS NOT a cowboy, but he's sucking it up and taking one for the team. lol Hopefully your brother has a change of heart and realizes that he's not the one that gets to dictate what the groomsmen wear...you and your FI are the ones.
Don't get me wrong I fully support the military and my brother and Im beyond proud of him and everyone else serving right now. The post was not about that, I just wanted to get other's opinions on the situation and what you would do if it was your wedding because i dont think he is being fair to me since its my day. Im sure he will understand, he is only 23 and has never been to a wedding so im sure he doesnt know what to expect either :)
I'm former Army. My guy is former Army. His best man is currently in the Army. No Army uniforms will be worn by anyone in the wedding party. This would be like my best friend saying "NO! I'm wearing my ballgown. It's formal enough."
Tell him that the wedding has its own uniform, and it is (describe suit here). He can rent a suit, or he can just come as a guest. He is not a soldier. He is not retired. I'm assuming he wasn't discharged due to combat-related injuries. If he wants to play soldier, he can do it on his own time.
Yeah, as a military member I'm offended for you. Yay, he served his country. ::golf clap:: Now wear a tux, maroon!
@zippylef: The Army Dress Blues, are blue. They are dark blue jacket and a lighter blue pant....the reason for that is back in the day the pants were worn during combat and they would fade. The jacket was worn less often so it was the orginal color of blue. The Army has kept the tradition of that in the Dress Blues. The Army also has Class A's....they are green....enlisted and officer ranks own Class A's. Dress Blues are optional for enlisted up to a certain rank, or depending on their job. Dress Blues are one of the mandatory uniforms for all Officers including Chief Warrant Officers.
I agree with Sharttle, that her brother should not wear his uniform to her wedding. IF he was still on active duty, then I would say he should wear it.
Tell him, "No, sorry."
It is YOUR wedding after all, not his. Just a suggestion, maybe offer to chip in towards the cost of a rental tux. Not sure about your money situation, but I always did wonder about who should have to pay for the rental. If it is clear that your brother can't afford the cost (which it is) maybe offering to help out with that cost, will completely change his mind. Plus, once he puts that suit on, he'll probably really enjoy wearing it. I think you can get a rental for a fairly reasonable price.?
Also, if there is nothing 'military' about your wedding AND he is also not even in the military any more, why would he think this is an option? Boys...
Just keep saying no!
My fiance and I actually had/might have a similar problem. One of the groomsmen is in the military, except he deals with finances/accounting, and wants to wear his uniform. When he asked if he could I politely told him we wanted all of the guys to wear the same thing. If he's a friend, especially your brother, I would hope he would understand that your wedding is about you and your fiance and not about him. I hope the groomsmen in our wedding doesn't ask anymore! Just keep politely standing your ground and I think he'll begin to understand!
I just had to comment on this. I've seriously never seen more people giving totally different and totally WRONG answers on a relatively simple question.
Any VETERAN (an individual who served in the armed forces during a declared or undeclared war and has since been honorably discharged; regardless of having been deployed, their rank, their job, or the length time served) is authorized to wear their uniform to a formal event such as a wedding.
It is, however, understandable and within the realm of good manners that in the interest of matching and not drawing attention away from the bride and groom, that an individual in the WEDDING PARTY (such as a groomsman) be asked very politely and with the utmost tact and respect to not wear their uniform and instead wear the prescribed attire.
However, a GUEST who is a VETERAN should always be absolutely welcome to wear their service uniform if they so choose. A right which they have earned. If you are some bridezilla even thinking of commenting on this, you'd be well advised to shut up before you embarass yourself. Go worry about what color napkins you're going to have.
hm I gave correct information on the uniform regulation - so did a few other posters. Not sure why you're so butt hurt about that. Nor has anyone said guests and the like shouldn't be able to wear a uniform.
Sheesh, take a chill pill
@USArmyhooah: If he wants to wear his uniform then he should decline to be in the wedding party so that he can wear it. A guest may wear whatever they like, but the bridal party wears what the bride and groom ask them to. Just because a uniform is authorized for wear does not make it mandatory. I would never demand to wear my uniform! If I was that offended by the request, I would simply not attend.
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ok so I have a Groomsmen ( actually my brother) that is insisting on wearing his military suit in my wedding. its dark green with alot of patches and pins all over it. I have already said no but the issue keeps resurfacing. He is no longer in the military,nor is this a military wedding. I have always invisioned all the groomsmen matching an the suit really doesnt match. i need a nice way to get my point across.