Post # 1
I knew that my BMs wouldn’t cause any drama because I generally don’t surround myself by that. But, never in a million years did I even consider that my groomsmen could be so… whiny.
They seem to have an opnion about everything. FI and I chose kahki linen pants from J. Crew for them to wear. Eventually they’ll be purchasing TOMS shoes, suspenders, a skinny tie (which I’m likely to make) and a white shirt. I know that J. Crew isn’t the cheapest store in the world but I mean, it’s a wedding.
Well, it took me a month or two to just buckle down and go with the J. Crew pants because I couldn’t find many skinny fit kahki linen pants. What can I say… I’m a little picky. Now, the reason I couldn’t choose was because of the price. Most of our groomsmen are just out of college. So, as I was deciding on the pants, I texted all the groomsmen and said ‘These are the pants we’re choosing, this is how much they cost. If any of you need help financially we are willing to help you out.’ No response from any of them. So, I figured they would handle it.
They all went last week to buy their pants. Come to find out – they start complaining about it behind my back saying they cost too much and how are they going to afford the rest of the outfit. And here I find myself surrounded by drama.
More than anything, my feelings are hurt. I mean, I feel like they’re are being a little… rude. Am I wrong for thinking that? I mean they were asked to be groomsmen not told they had to be.
And now I’m reluctant to tell them they have to buy shoes and suspenders too. (I already got a complaint from FBIL about how he would rather wear converse than TOMS.)
I’m tired of feeling guilty… it’s my wedding, right?
Post # 3
Well, how much are the pants? J.Crew is a ridiculously expensive store sometimes, if you don’t hit a sale just right.
I guess guys don’t think about the financial commitment as much as girls. Did you tell them up front that they’d need to buy this entire outfit? It is your wedding, but at the same time, you do need to be considerate that they probably aren’t making a ton of money right out of college, they all probably own a pair of khakis (I know, not the linen skinny fit J.Crew pair), and they probably didn’t expect this to be quite as expensive.
Post # 4
How much is the cost of all of this? Just for perspective?
I’ll play devil’s advocate and say that most men expect to just a rent a tux for the wedding. Go here, get measured, pick it up. Having to buy several things is a little out of the norm. And I don’t know what these guys are like IRL, but they may never wear this stuff again. My DH would never have a reason to wear skinny khakis or suspenders (he wears suits to work and jeans on the weekends) and he’d probably make himself wear the Tom’s since he paid for them.
Not to be a downer, just seeing things from the other side.
Post # 5
How much is this outfit going to cost them? Honestly, it sounds like you guys are asking them to spend a decent bit more than a GM would typically spend to be in a wedding. Guys expect to rent a tux/suit and be done with it – not to be putting together a multi-piece outfit from multiple stores. Therefore, I can understand why they would be a little upset.
Post # 6
@abbie017: The pants were $150 – they’re suit pants. The suspenders will be like $15, the shoes about $50 and the tie will be almost free. My BMs spent a little over $300 – not one of them complained. I mean I asked them if they needed help paying for it. It wasn’t like I told them here these are expensive but I don’t care buy them anyway.
Post # 7
@nolabee39: Our GM spend $120 on their tux rental and that covered the entire outift (pants, jacket, shirt, vest, tie, shoes).
Girls tend to expect to spend a bit more than guys to be in a wedding but if I was your BM, I’d have taken issue with $300. IMO, anything over $180 is really starting to ask too much from your girls. But obviously that’s already done and over with so its water under the bridge now.
Post # 8
@nolabee39: That is pricey. The issue with the suit pants is this. You can’t wear them as a suit unless you have the jacket. And who is going to buy the $250ish jacket? So these guys probably aren’t going to get much use out of these pants after the wedding.
Plus I agree with @Mrs.KMM: that this is a lot of work for dudes. They’re just used to a quick measurement for the tux, not putting all these different things together.
Post # 10
Ouch $150.00 for khaki linen pants? Hello Wrinkle City. My FI would never wear those again.
Yeah, guys are used to renting a suit and being done with it.
Post # 11
I hate to agree with the PPs here but…it sounds like you have some very high expectations for these guys. I have a good job that pays me very well and I STILL won’t shop at J. Crew because of the outlandish prices. Linen is a cheap fabric, y’all. I think instead of demanding that these guys spend a fair amount of their hard-earned dough on clothes they may or may not ever wear again, it would have been more fair to ask them to only get one part of the outfit, like just the pants or just the TOMS, and then to cover the rest for them.
That’s just my spin on it. Hopefully it all works out for you…it sounds like you hae a really lovely vision for these guys.
Post # 12
I would also be interested to see how much their total outfit is going to cost. Guys work best with straightforward easy outfits like, go to XYZ tux rental and that’s it.
In your post, you keep justifying the costs because ” it’s your wedding”. if I heard that as a groomsman, it would annoy me. Yes, it’s your wedding, but your closest friends (your bridal party) should not be expected to shell out endless $$ for it. You have a vision in your head, but try to keep it reasonable for the bridal party. Your world may revolve around your wedding, but theirs doesn’t. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh bit it’s the truth.
Edit: I just saw your update. Ouch! That’s a lot for just pants for guys that are just out of college. They are probably concerned the rest of the outfit will be expensive and that would certainly cause them to be upset.
Post # 13
You could always get them the suspenders and toms as their gifts for being in the wedding? That way you still get the look you want and can kill two birds with one stone and they won’t need to spend anymore!
Post # 14
Post # 15
@MissGreenBean: thank you for the suggestion. I might do that… because I went from feeling bad to feeling like downright dog crap.
In my defense, I have one friend that was engaged before me. She had her grromsmen also buy vs. rent. It’s all I knew about groomsmen and I didn’t even think renting was an option…
The problem with being the first of your friends to be married…
Post # 16
I have to side with the whiny guys here. $150 for a pair of pants is quite a bit. That’s around or more than an entire tux rental.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a certain thing but I do get why they are complaining.