Post # 1
i have a bit of a problem at the moment. in Australia it is customary for BMs and Groomsmen to pay for their outfit etc. However one of our groomsmen says he cant come up with the money.
Let me explain a few things first – We originally ordered the suits and had all men fitted in October last year. Giving them plenty of time to pay it off. I have had to continually extend the layby for this one Groomsmen in particular, with him saying ill start paying it off next week.
Well the lady from the store rang me today to let me know that they cannot extend the layby anymore and that they are due to be picked up tomorrow. After speaking with this Groomsmen and his partner, they have told me that they can not afford it, and thats it, no others plans to pay it off etc, mind you last week the Groomsmen put up photos of him goinjg out in Sydney partying (WITH WHAT MONEY!!!!!).
Normally i would just pay it and get it out of the way, however my partner has been out of work for 4 motnhs now and things are tight enough as it is paying for everything else for the wedding.
I really dont know what to do, i wish i had the money to just pay it and everything can be sorted but i really stuck, what do you bees think we should do in this situation?
Any suggestions would be appreciated 🙂
Post # 3
How much is the suit?
I mean, there’s not really a good solution here. Like you said, normally I would just suggest paying for it, but your Fiance being out of a job certainly makes that less of a good option.
Other options… if the other groomsmen are friends with him, someone could ask if they’d all be willing to loan Groomsmen $X to get his suit.
Does he have a different suit he could wear? This wouldn’t really be an acceptable option to me but just throwing it out there.
I think I’d be more likely just to put the heat back on him. “John, you can’t afford the suit and we can’t afford to pick it up either, even though we would love to help. It seems like the only options are for you to find a way to borrow the money or for you to step out of the wedding. What do you think we should do?”
Post # 4
This sucks and I can see both sides. Sme people don’t have $200 (or whatever) laying around and I get that. I think you should do like PP suggested and just tell him you would cover it but with your Fiance out of work you just can’t and ask what he would like to do.
Post # 5
If neither of you can afford it, then he needs to drop out as a Groomsmen.
Post # 6
@futuremrslennon: I’m an Aussie and it is absolutely not customary for BM’s/GM to pay for their own outfit. Please don’t generalise a whole nations beliefs on wedding customs.
If you want him to wear that suit, you’ll have to pay for it some how.
Post # 7
@BlondeMissMolly: thanks ladies for your suggestions. i just msged her and told her once again that “as you guys kow with ben out of work and still so much to pay for the wedding we are just not in a position to lend…. and she wrote back – “im not sure what to do then. Honestly we are just broke as at the moment”
I dont want him to not be in it for my partners sake but i really dont like were this is going. I was thinking about borrowing the money of my grandmother then getting Groomsmen to pay back in weekly installments – but even that is a bit risky and i would hate for my nan to get ripped off because of him and his poor priorities.
AAArrrrrrrggghhhh…. this is such a a tricky situation that i wouldnt even wish on my worse enemy 🙁
Post # 8
@theone99: all of the weddings we have been involved in we have paid for everything ourselves… was just saying from experience!
Post # 9
@theone99: +1 it is actually customary for the bride and groom to pay.
Post # 10
We’ve had a similar situation with one of our Groomsmen…getting his suit fitted ….I’ve also got feeling he gonna say he can’t pay for suit..us also have been on a tight budget with it being so close to the wedding and wouldn’t be able to pay for his suit…so I’ve basically told all the Groomsmen…no suit no GM!! I know it sounds harsh but why should you have to fork out for one unreliable person when everyone else has coughed up the money? It’s not fair! he should understand how stressful enough it is planning a wedding!! Without the added stress to yourselves! X x
Post # 11
@futuremrslennon: “because of him and his poor priorities”.
Cannot believe I just read that. You don’t him and his partner to have any sort of a life with social activities so they can pay for a suit that you chose, that he will wear for 1 day, and probably never again?
They should cut their losses and back out. It’s not their fault that your partner hasn’t had a job for 4 months. You shouldn’t plan a wedding if you can’t afford it.
Post # 12
@iestynsmummy: i know it would be diefferent if we only gave them 3 weeks to get the moeny together, but it has been nearly 5 months… I did recommend they pay them off at say $20 a week but they didnt take my advice. i’ll go home and have a chat to the hubby to be and see what options we have cos all im doing is getting myself all stressed out lol…. But thats definately a good way to put it to them, and yes like u say it may be a bit harsh but they cant espect us to pay it when they know all to well about my partner being out of work ATM :-/
Post # 13
@theone99: excuse me – i asked for help not to get in an argument with someone on here…. We have been planning this wedding for 18 months and theres no way we would pull out now with only 1 month to go…. you need to think about what u say to ppl before u speak… ur words can be very hurtful! please dnt comment on this thread again as like i said only helpful suggestions needed….. and who the hell are u to say something like that…. i cant believe the nerve of some ppl!!!!
Post # 14
I think that he should step down. I would also wonder about his priorities if he’s had over a year to save up the money, but if he honestly just doesn’t have it and he knows it was expected for him to have the money then hopefully he will be nice about the whole thing and back down. You might have to suggest it to him as an option, though.
Its nice for the bride and groom to pay for the dresses and tuxes, but at least where I am it isn’t expected. I’ve had friends who had bridesmaids and groomsmen back out because they just couldn’t afford the costs of being in the bridal party.
Post # 15
@futuremrslennon: you need to think about what u say to ppl before u speak
You said it. You should think about what you type in a thread before you say it. Saying things like “because of him and his poor priorities” can be very hurtful and is kind of disrespectful to the groomsmen.
Your wedding is your number one priority, it will never be anyone elses number one priority.
It is none of your business what another person chooses to spend their hard earnt cash on. Besides which maybe someone else paid for him to go out in Sydney? You know a real friend who has maybe seen that he is struggling and needed a night out?
The fact is that you and your Fiance are currently choosing to prioritise a suit over a friend.
You have a couple of choices- 1.pay for the suit, 2. allow him to purchase something in his price range or to borrow from a friend or 3. kick him out of the wedding and thus ending the friendship and showing that a piece of material means more to you than a friend.