Post # 1
I’m getting married in August and last night my fiance found out that his groomsman can’t make the wedding because he is going on tour with his band. I worked with him for over two years and he was FI’s roommate for 5 + years (he set us up! this guy is a big part of our story). This is one of the first big emotional “no’s” to our wedding and we’re both upset. Part of me thinks he should be able to put his foot down and make it to the wedding of two people who matter a lot in his life – we’re only going to do it once – and I’m honestly a little mad at him. I’ve told my fiance I’ll be the one to be mad because I know that he can’t. The other part wants to do anything/everything I can – including using my air miles to fly this guy home for one night to be at the wedding – and then flying him back to wherever he needs to go next. Their band is doing really well – and this is totally his dream, so I understand somewhat when he says “the band is bigger than him.” Still. Any advice?
Post # 2
Razzlejones: You’ve got to let him go. This tour sounds like a HUGE opportunity for him and his career, and you can’t expect him to sacrifice his career just for the sake of being at your wedding.
Flying him home may not be realistic, because your wedding is probably a Saturday, and that’s a big night for concerts.
I think you and your FI should say you love him and you’ll really miss him, but you totally understand and he is doing the right thing.
Post # 3
Razzlejones: Your wedding is the start of the rest of your life. This tour could be the start of the rest of his life.
It’s a no-brainer.
Post # 4
Razzlejones: Accept it and be supportive of his dream, just like he’s enabled your dream. It’s ok to be mad and sad, but I get what he means by the band is bigger than him — he is accountable to his mates, his management team and his fans. He’s not yet at the level of Jay-Z where he can write his own checks.
Forgive and support him when you’re able to dry your tears. It sucks that you aren’t able to compel people to come to your wedding, but it doesn’t mean that he loves you any less. It just means that he has prior commitments that he must honor.
Post # 5
Accept that he’s probably just made one of the most difficult decisions of his life, and celebrate both of these wonderful milestones in your lives!!
Post # 6
Get a giant cardboard cut-out of him to have at the wedding and reception and make it a fun, positive, memorable thing that you can all look back on and remember fondly.
This is life. Shit happens and crap overlaps and sometimes, when you have to chose between two things, all you can do is make the most of it. So make the most of this, for everyone’s sake.
Post # 7
Alright – THANK YOU. I needed to hear all of this.
interchangeable: ha, one of these already exists 🙂
Post # 8
Dress him up in a tux, take some pics, get a life-size cutout done and actually have that in your wedding party. It would be hilarious and he would probably absolutely love it.