Post # 1
My Fiance 3 brothers are our groomsmen. 2 have long unkempt wild hippie like beards, the last one has a no joke Salvador Dali mustache. They are all refusing to shave for the wedding. Fiance said he tried, but they won’t. They think it’s funny.
His brothes have not done anything for the wedding not even through Fiance a bachelor party, and his mother paid for their wedding attire. His parents are also paying for all of their travel and accomodations to our destination wedding. They are all in their mid 20’s. I am really hurt that they cannot do one small thing for our wedding. My family thinks they look like Amish terrorists. They are going to look hideous next to my lovely glamourous bridesmaids and ruin my photos.
I am trying to be cordial but I feel like going Bridezilla on their butts!
Post # 3
I would just only include them in the absolute bare neccesity photos. like ones with your Fiance and them so the only people really seeing them are you and him and his family. Also maybe in a joking way mention it to your family like OMG you will be so surprised at how unique FI’s brothers are!!
Post # 4
Sorry to hear; if Fiance parents have no influence either, other than to try one last time to talk with them, there isn’t much you can do. Trust me, they will feel stupid the day of and will get curious enough looks to embarrass themselves.
As for pics, etc.; other than those that you must take, tell your photographer to avoid taking as many casual pics of them as possible so that you won’t have a ton of them for your albums.
Hope it works out; makes me feel better not having a large party at all (just BM/MOH and I’d kick FI’s brother’s butt if he didn’t shave; he’s military, so I don’t think there’ll be an issue with facial hair).
Post # 5
It sounds like they’re doing it just to irk you. If you let them know that it doesn’t bother you that much, and you also think it’s funny, maybe the novelty will wear off for them and they’ll end up shaving? Try taking a different approach to it rather than demanding that they shave. Maybe something like, “Your beards do look hilarious, but you would you guys mind just shaving the day of? I’m all for hilarious looking beards, but it’s just one little favor…please???”
The nicer and more good natured you are about it, the more willing they may be to shave for you.
Post # 6
Eh – I kinda feel like asking them to shave is akin to telling a bridemaid to cut her hair or color it in a particular way. I’d talk to your photographer about how to limit the Fuzz Family in portraits with bridesmaids if it really bothers you and swallow the ire. They should, of course, be included in pictures with/for family, though.
Post # 7
Agree with TeaandToast. I feel they are allowed to have whatever facial hair they want. You wouldn’t ask a bridesmaid to cut or color their hair.
I really don’t agree with “limiting” them in photos. They’re still FI’s brothers no matter how they look. For example, I don’t really appreciate that my Future Brother-In-Law has a shaved head (just bc I don’t like the way it looks on him) but I wouldn’t keep him out of photos because of it.
Post # 8
Let it go. The more you get upset about it, the funnier they will find it. If it truly looks terrible, it’s them that will look bad, not your wedding.
Post # 9
Shaving off a beard or mustache is not a small thing, if it is their normal look. It takes months to grow it out to whatever look it is you want. So while it does sound like they are immature for their age in other areas, asking them to shave is not asking for a small thing.
Post # 10
I don’t think you get to tell them how to shave. You asked nicely, they won’t do it (who knows, maybe they’ll show up clean shaven and are just busting his balls for it!), but just drop it.
How would you like it if your Fiance asked you to have your bridesmaids change their hair color, lose weight, wear makeup, get their teeth whitened, etc? It’s on par, to me!
But as his brothers, I’d bet money they’re just yanking his chain to irk with him and you!
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I agree 100% with teaandtoast and hotchildinthecity. I think it’s unfair to ask them to shave for the wedding. It IS like asking a woman to cut and color their hair.
I wouldn’t worry about the photos. What’s more important, anyway, some bushy facial hair in your photos or capturing the whole family on film on a special day?
That said, if it’s that important to you, maybe you can very, very nicely ask them to at least trim their beards so that they’re not as sloppy? But if they refuse, I think you’ll have to just let it go.
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
@monitajb – I also agree with what you said, that it’s not a small thing if it’s their normal look.
My fiance has a beard (a pretty bushy one) and he asked me if I wanted him to shave for the wedding. I told him that it’s his choice and that he could do whatever he wanted, but I secretly hope that he keeps it because he looks like himself with the beard.
Post # 13
@danadelphia: Same here. Fiance has facial hair and asked me if I wanted him to shave. Um, he’s had a beard for like 5 years. He doesn’t look like himself without it.
I also agree with monitajb that if it’s their everyday look, it takes a while to get mustaches and beards right. Fiance has to grudgingly shave his off every few months to get a “fresh start” and he is miserable while it grows back in.
Post # 14
I don’t think you can ask them to shave their beards off, but you CAN ask them to be clean and well groomed. See if they are willing to pull their hair back, and maybe trim their beards to look presentable rather than looking all scraggly…
Post # 15
Yes that was more my concern to be well groomed. I don’t mind a clean Sean Conneryesque beard. I just don’t want something wild and crazy where everyone will point and be like wow! The Dali mustache makes people stop in their tracks. He just grew it and it’s mainly to make a statement and get attention.
Post # 16
@MsMarch: But still, you can’t make them clean it up/make it shorter if long is how they like to wear it. As for the Dali mustache…it sounds to me like it would look fun in the pictures, and if someone went through all the trouble to grow it, I doubt they would just want to shave it off for the sake of wedding pictures.