Post # 1
OK so at first my FI really didn’t want to be involved with the planning (I’ve only been at it for a month!) Then last night he overheard me talking to my MOH about some ideas. He got upset that he didn’t know much about my plans and asked that involve him more.
OK great right? wrong, I started talking about he bridesmaid dresses and he’s like "i don’t care about the dresses", Ok I thought you did… then I told him I want to DIY invitations… and he’s like "we are NOT doing that, I’ll be in charge of invitations" … right…… this went back and forth and he cares about somethings but not others…
Have you had any expirences like this? if so what are some good "chores" for him to do. i think I need to give him a few things to focus on and he’ll be happy but I really don’t know what to give him becuase he doesn’t know either.
Oh and he’s usually gone half the week because he travels for business and doesn’t really have time for this stuff anyway…..
aye aye aye
Post # 3
Honestly, I’d give hime a really teadious and annoying job and then let him get frustrated and give up…LOL…leaving you back to handeling it your way, involving him where needed. I sound horrid bitchy I’m sure but really if he’s gone that long in the week what does he want to to do? Most stuff you start needs to be finished quite quickly or else you lose bookings, good prices….I know my FI would forget, slack off and then after I remind him 30 times do it and it would be too late…lol. But I love him, I’m just not letting be in charge of the really big things…hahahaha and he is way ok with that as long as I mention plans and ideas to him to veto or ok.
Maybe once your guy sees the time constraints arn’t fun to work under and every little tiny thing needs to be perfect maybe he won’t care so much with the little bits that matter most to brides more then to the grooms.
Good luck. Sorry I can’t be of more help.
Post # 4
Let’s see…my groom is so NID, it isn’t funny – but to make him feel included he :
- Compiled all of our guestlist & researched addresses.
- Put stamps on invitations, proofread, and helped decide colors.
- Gave opinions on things, like invitations (I DIYed) so I would show him a couple choices and let him pick his fave.
- Went to caterer appointments and chose selections he liked.
- Made calls to our clergy.
Those were really all the things that I "allowed" him to do. He was perfectly happy just to be asked or included, which I did a lot to make sure he felt like he was getting represented well. The rest of the time, he just let me run with it since he really didn’t have a strong opinion on anything – but that’s just his nature. He’s very easy going and laid back, so more than anything he was my emotional support.
Post # 5
Speaking from one with a very active and opinionated FI–this is the time to decide things together. Sure, he may not care abut the bridesmaid dresses, but he may be upset that he didn’t have a say on the colors. I had no idea my guy was so traditional (he always expressed a very modern style pre-engagement). So he may not like the newer idea of non-matching BM dresses.
But really, I wouldn’t give him mindless chores, I’m sure he and everyone else can see right through that. Discuss things together–what are each others’ priorities–and maybe divvy up stuff that way.
Post # 6
In my experience, two things guys tend to be really opinionated on are: Food and Music. Now, I’m not saying leave him totally in charge of food, ’cause yikes! , but definitely include him in picking a caterer and menu. And cake. Maybe let him be fully in charge of the DJ/Band/Playlist, since that is a task that doesn’t have to be decided right away. He can ponder for a while. Debate soundsystems.
Otherwise, I’m with Melanie — let him help you pick from a list you’ve prescreened. That way he can feel involved, but you won’t have to wait ages for him to research, etc. If he is on business trips a lot, that’s probably your best solution. Maybe make it a ritual: when he comes home, go for a nice dinner and then make selections over dessert and coffee!
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2007 - Ceremony at a cement and stained glass cathedral and reception at a boutique hotel ballroom
Mr. Eggplant really liked negotiating with the vendors. I also gave him full responsibility of the music, website, and audio/visual components of our wedding. Some of the things we shared were deciding on color palette, menu, choosing vendors, and budget. Things I handled alone but asked for his approval were cake design, stationary design, and pretty much the overal look and feel of our wedding. I had final say, but I always asked for his input on big decisions.
I think the guys just want to feel included. Afterall, this is the first major project you guys will be doing together. Mr. Eggplant actually had tons of good ideas, even during the DIY invitation process.
Post # 8
My FI is being pretty helpful, considering he’s a really busy person. He’s helped research reception venues and now he’s taking on our dj. He planned our honeymoon without me even having to ask (nor nag) him to do it. He also reserved our ceremony site for us. He’s helped with the guest list and now obtaining their addresses. He’s also given opinions on the photographers. I also force him to give other opinions when I can.
But the thing is…I’m doing a lot of the legwork on a lot of the things, up to the point of him giving me his decisions. I found a lot of photographers and narrowed it down to three (more like two, with a third hanging in the running by a thread). He looked through the websites and told me which was his favorite. I contacted all the venues too. I also designed the Save The Dates and had him critique them and offer suggestions. Now, I’ve narrowed down our stamps for everything non invitation and he has to choose.
This is actually helping a lot. I feel like he’s being included in a lot of the decisions and is playing a major role in our wedding planning process.
Post # 9
My FI was in charge of music and the marriage license. People danced all night and the marriage license got purchased and signed, so he did a GREAT job! 🙂
Post # 10
I think you need to give your FI more credit than you are giving him right now. If it has only been a month I am sure you are also learning what planning is involving, why not let him in on the process as well. My FI is very invovled and originally had no idea what this meant and remained aloof because he did not know what "wedding planning" meant.
To work with our schedules we began a google notebook so that we could collaborate on the project. We worked with each other for the bigger projects (location, budget, etc.) and have divided up our tasks based on strengths.
My FI just wrote a blog entry about a groom’s perspective re: planning if you are interested.
Post # 11
it’ll be tricky, but i’d say ask his opinion on most things early on. you’ll get a feel on what he does have an opinion on and what he doesn’t and you’ll learn what you need to ask him and what topics he really doesn’t care about and you can make the decision yourself.
being a wedding planner, i’m often surprised by what opinions grooms have. some are really involved, down to picking what color, length and sleeve type that the bridesmaids dresses should be. and some just kinda show up. yours sounds like somewhere in the middle, but i agree with an earlier post that said that this would be a good time to practice your marriage skills of communication and decision-making together. you’ll definitely get more out of the wedding-planning process knowing that it was a joint effort. i know that i’m really appreciating this "project" that my fiance and i are working on. and i love the fact that he’s truly my partner, even through the tedious jobs of wedding planning.
i didn’t really give him any tasks, but on what he actually planned, he found us our venue, researched costs and did all negotiations, he found, planned, booked our honeymoon. he was involved with anything to do with money, which is everything, i suppose. i designed the boxed, fabric-covered invites, but he helped assemble (sew and glue) the bulk of it. he went along with my decisions for the DJ, florist and photographer. so i guess he’s doing more than the "average" groom.