Growing out of friends…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

It’s so difficult, I agree.  I found when a lot of my friends started coupling off it felt a lot harder to get together and plan things, etc.  Then I got a boyfriend that I ended up moving for and it’s hard keeping in touch across states, but I found out who’s worth it and etc. 

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Oh man, I understand. My friends were GREAT in high school. Then they never grew up! None of them work, or have plans for the future!

Look, I’m married with a (planned) baby on the way. I don’t want to hang out with you if all you’re going to talk about is how there’s no work available for someone with a BA in English, and how that’s okay because you have more time to watch Korean dramas now!

Post # 7
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you definitely outgrow most friends, except for a very rare few who are worth their weight in gold. With those people, one of you could be an unemployed mother of 4 and the other a single careerwoman, and it wouldn’t get in your way. At all. These friendships are something very, very special!

Most people will phase in and phase out of your life at some point. Depending on how much you have in common at a deeper level, more superficial things like where you are in life, how often and when you like to go out, and what you like to do for fun, become more and more of an issue. I’m not saying “superficial” stuff like it’s a bad thing, I’m just distinguishing these – that is, most – friendships, from that 1% or less who really are something on a whole other level. It’s good to have both, of course. But just don’t be too sad when normal friendships run their course – they were meant to be temporary.

I think you should find a lot of people in their late 20s to early 30s in a similar place to where you are, re: the more superficial stuff. The only thing I think might trip them up is that a lot of people prefer to meet on weekends rather than weekdays because after work and daily errands and chores, they have about half an hour to watch TV with their boyfriend/husband/cat, before they crash into bed to get some sleep for another workday. But, some people definitely like to go out on weekdays too, it’s not THAT rare, especially the more extroverted people. So just put yourself out there. There are always new friends to be made. And you never know when you might find a “golden” one!

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@BellaDee:  Haha, I said “I’m PREGNANT!” and they replied “Don’t let me hold it! I’ll eat it! I hate kids!”

Uuuuuh… What?

I’m sure you’re way more normal and way sweeter than my HS friends!

Post # 11
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

This is a common problem for people as they marry or simply as they get older – we often become friends with people out of circumstance (“We’re stuck in a classroom together, hi”). Those circumstances run their course and we move on. I also had a close friendship that ended in March, though frankly it needed to end long before – I grew up and he didn’t. I understood that I had to work for what I wanted, and he was sitting and stewing that he wasn’t getting free handouts from anyone and everyone (he was enraged that the government wouldn’t pay for him to get a liberal arts degree, and felt it was owed to him).

That entitlement eventually drove us apart. He still tries to contact me, but I have no interest. Our lives have gone in separate directions…and I’m okay with that.

I don’t have many friends, but I’m close with my family, I work and I have hobbies I enjoy. I’ve thought occasionally about looking into hobby groups around here, but many of them are geared toward demographics I’m not included in (religious groups, play groups, etc.).

There is a group for vampires, though, if I ever feel like being creative.

In all seriousness, losing friends can be tough. For me, it’s been a reminder that I’ve always been strong and I need a lot less than I think I do.

Post # 12
Member
5351 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

We are currently going through this because we used to have a really big circle of friends and we would all go out at least once a week together. Now that has totally dwendled down becasue the rest of our group are having kids. Now we spend most of our time with one other couple and a few single friends. 

My husband and I have thought about trying to meet other couples (with no children) and expand our network of friends, but havn’t acted upon trying to meet other people. 

I even think back to all of our birthday parties, all our friends would come out, and now, we are lucky to get a few to come out. 

Post # 13
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I experience this very often. Most of my friends from college and high school, I keep up with via facebook, but we rarely if ever see each other. People change. YOU change. Your priorities change, and because of this you can’t always relate to people the same way. It’s actually ok with me. I’m closer with family now and a few good friends that have never gone away. It just changes. You also start to like that solitude a bit, well, at least DH and I do… hang in there. You are not alone!

Post # 14
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@BellaDee:  Yeah, similar stuff happened for me when I left college, I thought they’d all be my best friends forever, and now I really only speak with one of them regularly! Oy. I think it happens with everyone. No one wants to grow up or they get so stuck in their grownupness, no balance. 

Post # 15
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I have found there is a lag in friends from your mid-20s until you have kids (then you get parent friends) or get into your 40s (when your friends with kids have teenagers in high school or young adults off at college.)

It’s difficult to meet other couples our age (late 20s, early 30s) who don’t have kids yet.  I work with people who are substantially older who aren’t interested in doing anything outside of work and while my FI used to work in an industry with lots of much younger singles, they are way too much unnecessary drama.

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