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Same here Miss Sapphire... I have a friend I've known since I was 15 and we've had loads of fun! Especially when we were single gals. A few years ago, she got married & had a baby, and moved out of town. I'm newly engaged and I thought that would bring us closer but it hasn't. I still love her, and really wish things could remain the same, but I know deep down that we're just really different now. I see her maybe once every few months and when we do hangout there's nothing really to talk about except the past. We try to keep in touch via FB and all that but gradually, its been less & less. I actually debated on whether I should invite her to my wedding but I know she'd be really offended if I didn't...I guess that sometimes some friendships just fade away over time.
Absolutely!! People definitely change over time.
Try not to look at as a "sad" thing, just the ebb and flow of life :)
Yup, my MOH. We were old friends from elementary school and middle school. She moved away in high school but a few summers ago we went to a friends wedding and had a blast! A year or two later, I got engaged and asked her to be my MOH. At first, it was great but then I started feeling a rift going on. She even noticed that we didn't have as much in common anymore and that we definitely have changed over the years. She asked me if I wanted to consider someone else as the MOH. I considered it but didn't want to lose her as a friend and have all the awkwardness. So I kept her as my MOH. If I would have done it again, I would have waited at least 6 months before choosing my ENTIRE wedding party. I think I got engaged and thought of my top 8 friends but realized later that I missed some 'better' friends.
oh well...
Oh, I know this feeling all too well. It's caused some big problems in my life over the past few years. :-(
yep. pretty much all my friends, that i've had since preschool/kindergarten. i find myself hanging out with my fi's friends more and more now. it makes me sad, but there's nothing i can do about it. it's life.
I totally hear you...maybe try to concentrate on the few to one thing that you DO still have in common? My "best friend" (she had been for over half my life!) & I drifted due to distance & changes in "where we were" in life (she married the year after college, I'm getting married now 9 years later; she & her husband moved to Dartmouth, VT after marrying; FI & I live in LA). But, when we talk on the phone, we just try to catch up on what's going on in our lives & enjoy the differences, embracing that we'll always be "someone to talk to" about stuff. She's a mother of three, but I still listen to her stories about the kids, even tho' I can't relate yet. She listens to me wax poetic about the wedding, even tho' she's not in the wedding party & hasn't planned a wedding in this decade. We're just enjoying our differences, y'know?
In my junior of college my moh went to study in Spain and through circumstance I became friends with her suitemate (kidna confusing sorry) but we became really close and since it was college we did go to lots of frat parties together and then when we turned 21 we went out to bars alot too. However after graduation I moved to Europe for awhile where I met my fiancee. When I came back to the States I found I was not really in the party scene like her and was ready to get settled. As it would happen we began to drift apart but the awkward thing is that my moh is getting married this summer and me and this girl two of three bridesmaids. I really wanted to just let life run its course and seperate more from this girl but now it looks like that will not happen soon.
My MOH, too! I was pretty eaten up about it for awhile...I moved back to Kansas City from Chicago and thought we'd be the best of friends again...and...nope.
I also jumped at the chance to name my wedding party and asked her to be my MOH over my sisters (woops!)....The first few months she at least acted excited when I talked to her about it, and then I could never get ahold of her! A few months ago, when it came time to consider the bachelorette party and bridal shower dropped hints that if I wanted someone else to by my MOH she wouldn't care...I ended up saying that I'd like to have my sisters stand next to me at the wedding, but definitely needed her help with the parties...
Now, I hardly ever hear from her -- but find when I do, there just isn't much to talk about. My FI and I are so much different than her and her SO....It's so weird, I've found a totally new group of friends since moving back here -- and she and another HS friend aren't a part of that group.
Life is funny like that sometimes.
Yep. My two bridesmaids. They are my two best friends and it really hurts sometimes. We are roommates and will be for another three months and sometimes it is awkward and forced and makes me feel really lonely. 
Oh definitely. It was sad. We were best friends for almost 10 years. When I lived back home we spent a lot of time together and when I moved to another state we talked basically almost every day.
Actually, I realized (this was two years ago) our friendship had turned into a very one-sided friendship: when I wanted to talk, whether it was about something good or bad, she wasn't available or didn't care; when she needed to talk or needed advice then she was trying to contact me and expected me to be there. I finally dropped our "best friend" status down to acquaintence when I didn't hear from her after numerous attempts to contact her over many months. It really hurt. But I really cut the cord when I finally heard from her and received a very rude comment about my relationship with my now FI. Her comment, she thought we said "I Love You" too soon. We had been together for a month and we just knew we were the best for each other and definitely the person we were meant to be with. Hurt me to the core. My FI and I have now been together for a year and a half and want to just laugh about her comment.
I actually just received a crappy email save-the-date the other day from her for her wedding and she's getting married in late-April. It's an understatement that I will not be attending her wedding.
Hey...you are in Seattle too! :-)
I am in the same boat. I don't really feel comfortable talking about it in detail because ..I guess its just hard and I don't really want to say things publicly since I have a friend who is a bride on here. (it's not her)
But I am in the same boat, I have a very good friend who I am feeling really disconnected with latley. We were SO close and in the past while she has started down a different path and so many things she does, I disagree with. Some thing she has changed...others are things that I am just really getting bothered with now. my husband said the other week that he wasn't surprised because we didn't share any of the same values. It hurt because I knew it was true. I want us to have the same values...but I know we don't. We are freinds because we care about each other and have a history and enjoy each other's company...but when it comes down to i,t we are totally different people. It breaks my heart and I don't want to admit it. I just want to hope that she will grow in time and become more of who she used to be....or who I thought she would become. I love my friend but I don't agree with so much that she does. It makes me so sad and I don't think there are ever good solutions
One of my bridesmaids and my best friend ... I only had 3 bm's because I wanted to avoid having someone in the wedding that I wouldn't be friends with in the future. In short, things didn't go well, and we've totally drifted apart. The only thing we have in common is the fact that we've been friends for so long- I think that's the main reason we're working things out. It makes me so sad because we were the best of friends for so long, but I guess things change. She's a wonderful girl and I love her so much, but if we're being totally honest with ourselves, we just don't have much in common anymore, and it shows. :-(
Just wanted to chime in and say that I'm in the same boat as well:(
I can see this happening already with my HS friends and I. They're getting ready to go to grad school, while I'm pursuing work and preparing for marriage. My SO, who is a very wise man, said that the relationships will continue to grow as long as I nurture them. He's still BFFs with his high school buddies, even though one is a bachelor living in Vegas and the other is married with an infant to take care of.
And it's true. God knows I wouldn't trade those girls in for the world. I'm so glad we share interests, otherwise I might not be able to handle the talk about concerts and boys.
As it is, I think some old friendships are worth preserving. Others, maybe not, haha.
I've been through this many times. I lost a few good friends because I think we all stop trying to make it work. Mr. Joey and I have a few friends from when we first meet that this is also happening with. I think we've all moved in different directions. I guess that's OK but I feel like with all the traveling and home stuff, I don't get the opportunity to make new friends. I'm also pretty shy the first few times I meet someone and think it gives off the wrong message.
I have to agree with just about everything that has been posted. I have 2 friends from high school that I was very close with for a number of years, but we've just drifted apart due to changes in geography (I moved to Denver and I had grown up in Chicago), differences in the places we are at in our lives. I spent a lot of time being sad about this before my husband pointed out that it's a natural process (as many of you wise women mentioned) and that losing friends gives one time and space to cultivate the new friendships she is making.
It's happened to me. We've all stopped trying to maintain the friendships and we've also drifted because we are in different places in our life. It's sad, but I think it's also part of life.
I definitely know what you mean. My best friend since HS and I are still really close, but the other people I knew and I have drifted apart. It's all of FI and I's mutual friend from HS. Neither of us really talk to them anymore. It's sad. :( We are all just in different places in our lives.
I posted something similiar....
We were friends from ages 14-18....didn't speak for 5 years (even though we ran in the same circle - lived in the same city) and then when I hit 23 we gave our friendship another chance. A year later she introduced me to my FI. 3 years later...and right now....we aren't speaking. She was actually in my weddding but she has since been kicked out. She totally changed and turned into someone I don't want to associate myself with (rude, bitchy, negative, shallow). It sucks because she moved to the same small town my FI and I live in and we still run in the same circle. It was very hard telling her that we will never be friends because of how I feel about her. Who knows...maybe she will come around.
I definitely know this feeling! As sad as it is, I think it is natural because we change and grow and sometimes, we grow apart from our friends. My best childhood friend is now totally different from me, and we definitely don't have the same friendship at ALL! We're still friends, but it will never be the same. I think sometimes you just grow up and things change.
I think growing apart without changing is even harder, though. I actually bought a book once called "The one that got away" or something like that, and it was about lost friendships. I really liked it because at that time I was mourning the percieved loss of my college roommate/closest friend in college who after we graduated just kind of drifted away because she was bad at staying in touch. I still get very wistful and nostalgic about all of our times together and how sad it is that life takes us away from people we were once so close to. These things make me really sad because friendships define periods of my life, and I hate when they fizzle out.
I think it's important to just hold on to the memories and be glad that the friendships happened at all.
Does anyone feel like this happens even more after getting married? My close group of high school friends are all still single, and I suddenly feel differently from them. I don't know if it's real or just in my head but I hate it!
@ Monalisa: I have 2 friends (who happen to both be in my wedding and all of us are in a mutual friend's wedding...) who are feeling the opposite - they think everything is going to change once my friend and I get married this year. Its not going to change since....we both live w/ our FIs and have so for some time....I'm trying to put myself in their shoes but I don't know what they are thinking. I feel like they think we are joinging some marriage cult and can now only have "married friends" and do "married activites". Hahahaa I just feel old by getting married ;o)
Ugh, it's happening to me now with one of my bridesmaids. It's breaking my heart because we don't live that far from each other (only about 40ish minutes) and I NEVER see her. She hates her job, it consumes so much of her time, and my work schedule conflicts with hers a lot so it seems that we never have time to hang out.
It hard, because 10 months ago she was in my wedding and now I hardly speak to her at all. It would be one thing if she were in another state, or already had a baby and was dealing with that...but it's just like we've grown apart.
I hate it, but am trying to deal with it and move on.
This happened to me when i had kids. my friends were out there being crazy and 19, i couldn't drink or do anything they wanted to. when my son was born they would get pissed that i wasn't out partying or seeing them all the time. it sucks, but its for the best.
I feel you...I have a friend who has been my "best friend" ever since 5th grade...but in reality we were only best friends throughout high school...we're still close, and call each other best friend, but in reality we both have friends who are closer to us than we are to each other...at first it made me kinda sad, but I had to realize that as we got older, and went to seperate colleges, and grew up in seperate states after college, unless we talked everyday, we weren't going to continue the strong bond we had in highschool...
but the one upside is when we do talk to each other, we can spend hours on the phone as if we talked to each other just the other day...so i've accepted the fact that even though she's no longer my "best friend" I still consider her a good friend even though we don't know every detail about each other anymore...
People sometimes come in your life only for a season. Quite sad isn't it?
Definitely. I left my friend from high school who's now in grad school ..I'm about a semester from graduating from undergrad...I left him a silly comment on his fb and he totally lashed out at me as if I were a silly little kid and he was a mature person..meanwhile his new friends at grad school leave him all sort of silly obscene comments...I care for him dearly, but we don't have much in common anymore. Sad to say.
Yes, one of my BM's. It's working out okay (fingers crossed) b/c I have so many other wonderful BM's who are totally on top of everything, but this BM has been my friend since middle school and she really hasn't changed at all while I've grown up and done almost a 180. We don't really have a lot in common - she's still working part time odd jobs and blowing all her money at the mall (like in HS) while I'm a career woman in NYC saving for a house. It's hard when we get together b/c she reverts back to our old habits - making immature jokes, partying really hard, etc. while I want to do something more civilized like go to a nice restaurant or a museum or something. I will always love her and I'm so glad she's one of my BM's, but I totally understand where you are coming from with this!
I'm so happy I found this thread. I'm going through something very similar and I would have never imagined it can be so hard to bear. A very good friend of mine, who played an important role in my wedding is finishing her PhD and she's handling it very poorly. She basically stopped talking to me (or other friends) and when she's invited somewhere she always refuses - and adds that she will continue to be busy in the future (almost suggesting that I shouldn't even bother anymore). Funny thing is, I'm in the same boat (also finishing my PhD) so I'm equally busy and overwhelmed, but I would still make time to hang out with (what I guess used to be) my best friend. I actually wrote her an email this past Saturday when I felt extremely hurt by one of her refusal messages and general unavailability. Haven't heard anything from her...and I fear that my message was slightly over-heated...But I was honest and I basically told her that I was very sad -not mad- about the way things changed between us. In the end we're all busy and it boils down to choosing priorities and obviously I wasn't making the list anymore - and that is her decision, which I can't change!!
My husband experienced this hardcore when we were planning our wedding. He had two really good friends he's known since they were babies. They grew up together and were friends through COLLEGE. He eventually moved out of his hometown, and when we went back to visit them, he had moved on, grown up and had new perspective on things - and they stayed the same and just couldn't see things outside their little bubble.
It eventually became a huge problem and after they accepted my husband's invitation to be in our wedding party, they didn't end up going through with it. They couldn't put their silly differences and immaturity aside. It was awful.
Personally, I also find that relationships I formed after I matured and grew up are the ones I see myself keeping long-term. I've grown apart from a lot of childhood friends, which is fine - just a part of life!
"As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you."
I can definitely relate. Life changes, and sometimes friendships don't change with it. Maybe someday you will be on the same page again and can rekindle the friendship. I've come to realize that itt's just a natural cycle of life.
I can relate. Life changes, Freindships change, people move. It's hjard when you have a difficult time making friends like me.
I was just thinking about this the other day! I was best friends with a girl since middle school and once we graduated we went our separate ways... I miss her a lot of times, but we are very very different people now. I keep thinking about it lately because she is the one that introduced me to my FI and now it is to the point where I didn't even invite her to the wedding because we haven't talked to each other in so long! It was me, her and a few other girls that were always best friends and those other girls are actually in my bridal party so she is the only one that is missing from it.
I never have, but I had a friend who was like that. One of my BFs in high school got married at 2o and had her first kid by 21. I'm 28 and just got married 2 1/2 months ago, so obviously we haven't been "on the same path" for quite sometime. After she got married, she basically fell on the face of the earth in terms of friendship and after she had kids, she was always awkward around me. When I finally asked her about it she said that she would rather hang around people in her same path of life because she could relate to them better, have more in common, and their schedules meshed...ok, kind of rude I thought. Because another BF of mine also got married young, had a kid young and when we lived in the same town, we hung out ALL THE TIME. And 99.9% of the time, her little boy was with us (she became a single mom when her little boy was around 1 of 2). Many times other than watching our chick flick, I was running around playing cops & robbers with her son. So, obviously I don't have a problem with married friends with kids. I just found it odd that my other friend was so quick to cut out all single friends from her life. Her loss though.
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Did anyone get to the point that they looked at a childhood friend and realized that you were in a totally different place than that person that you've known forever and realized that you just didn't have much (anything) in common anymore?
I'm finding it hard to hang out with a friend...and it makes me sad. We just don't have anything in common other than we've known each other forever and came from the same town.