(Closed) Growing up, losing friends? Help please!!!!!!!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should we do????
    Go out with them and suck it up even though its miserable. : (6 votes)
    7 %
    Slowly cut them out of our lives. : (41 votes)
    48 %
    They don't even sound like friends anymore. : (24 votes)
    28 %
    Other. Please explain!!!! : (14 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I could have written the above post, haha. I just see those friends less often (force them to go to dinner with me once in awhile or w/e) and figure eventually they’ll catch up and get sick of living like a college kid and want to hang more often, or they’ll keep clubbing forever and the relationship will naturally fizzle out. Meanwhile we’re trying to actively seek out more “boring” couple friends to have lame and boring movie nights with, lol. The real friends will stick around despite lifestyle differences. The ones who don’t want to hang out with you outside of getting plastered probably weren’t really real friends to begin with, just drinking buddies. It sucks, but I find it’s never healthy to actively keep around people who want different things out of life than you. Don’t cut them out, but you don’t have to try so hard either. Whatever happens, happens.

    Post # 6
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If you don’t want to go out drinking after dinner, then I would specifically plan on some sort of alternative activity.  We still like to go out drinking, but not nearly as much or as often as our friends do.  When we hit our partying limit, we just make more sedate plans – i.e. dinner and then a movie, or a hockey game and pizza afterwards.  What kinds of things would you want to do after dinner?  What suggestions do you make to your friends? 

    Post # 8
    Member
    5405 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I voted other. I wouldn’t cut them out or have a big blowup or anything, but just remain friendly and get together whenever you feel like it. Friends change as you get older, and that’s ok. You can still be friendly occasionally without going to the bars all the time. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    11753 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @amy_e:  Curious to know how old you are.  I’m guesing 22-25 range?

    The same thing definitely happened to me.  Fi is in his early 30’s but went through a similar thing when he was younger (before we got together).  It’s hard because our friends are in different places – his all married for a while with a few kids, mine single partying, etc. We’ve made a few new couple friends and always try to meet new couples whenever we can! 

    My advice is not to cut them out completely – there doesn’t seem a reason to. But, to keep inviting them to do low key things if you want while making new couple friends that are more into the things you guys are. If they say no it is on them.  It’s nice to go party every once and a while but all the time gets exhausting!

    Post # 11
    Member
    5405 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @amy_e:  I would just not let it bother you. They sound really immature and hopefully they will grow up. If not, you will make new ones! It happens to us all. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1036 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    i feel the same way. once we got engaged (now married) people became jealous, no longer talked to us. they would rather go out drinking and not just a few, getting smashed. my DH works alot of long hours so when we are together its “us time” & now that we have a newborn that of those “friends” dont come around. there use to be a group of about 8 of us. and we now only talk to one of them. just go out with them every once in awhile, but if they are that good of friends they will understand you dont always wanna party. invite them to your house to stay in ?

    Post # 14
    Member
    2239 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I wouldn’t cut them out….I’d just try and plan something so it doesn’t necessarily turn into a drinking situation or if they wanna drink let them do it at dinner.  

    I’m in the same boat.  Some of my friends just want to party and I’ve NEVER been the type to want to get drunk, lol.  So that’s basically what I do ^^ plan time out and I let them drink with their other friends.  I’ve always been seen as the more boring person because of it but I don’t care, lol.  I am who I am =P

    Post # 15
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    They’re probably confused about what’s going on since your desire to go out has changed so much.  You hear all the time about people getting frustrated with friends who couple up and suddenly stop going out with their friends.  While their complaints that you’re not partying anymore are totally immature, I can sort of see where they’re coming from.

    But you enjoy what you enjoy, and if you don’t want to go out like you used to, they’ll just have to get over it.  I do think you’re going to have to work harder to come up with alternatives (movies, game nights, etc.) if you’re the ones who want to change the status quo, though.

    Post # 16
    Member
    6360 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Different ideas of a fun night out AND different personalities? I don’t see the point in continuing. If it was only one or the other, I would.

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