Post # 1
I’ve complained about this before, but I’m going to do it again because I’m having one of those days.
I simply cannot stand it when my office makes me feel bad for having a life outside the workplace. Grrrr! During the summer, the company does a lot of “employee outings” outside of work hours. I have a TON going on during the summers. Summertime happens to be my yearly testing/scanning time for my past cancer diagnoses, and it’s very time-intensive and requires a lot of doctor’s appointments and tricky scheduling with different hospital departments. I also have a lot of family coming in for holidays and birthdays, and we also travel TO families for weddings and other occasions. So, on nights/weekends I don’t have anything going on, I like to go straight home and relax. Maybe even (gasp!) workout a little!
I get so much grief from coworkers that I never attend company outings (that always consist of going to the bar and drinking). I attend about two year, not including the company Christmas party, and that’s all my schedule allows, usually. On top of that, SOs are NEVER invited to these outings – not even the holiday party – and that just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth sometimes, too (I know, I could be over-reacting here). My office consists of mostly young/singer people, and while I’m young (27), I’m not single and I wish that they had a more broad perspective on others’ lives outside the workplace (not all of us love going to the bar until midnight on weekdays).
I’m contantly getting called out for not attending, and some coworkers have even insinuated I’m lying just because I don’t want to go. Well, I don’t want to go, but I’m not lying. And when I said to my boss, “I can’t go this time, I have my yearly scanning appointments this week,” he replied, “You’re really disappointing me.” I mean, he was partially sarcastic and said it in a joking way, but he also threw in a “you should make more of an effort to attend, maybe move around your appointments.”
Gah! I’m just really sick of it. I’m leaving the job in a few months, so I’m just counting down the days!
Thanks for letting me vent 🙂 I sound so bitchy in this post. Yikes.
Post # 3
I’d be annoyed by it, too. If you weren’t leaving in a few months, I’d actually be pretty concerned that they are so antagonistic about something outside the office for fear that it could negatively affect your status for advancement. They are out of line. But! You’re leaving, so hugs till then!
Post # 4
i would also be annoyed! that’s really not cool that these “events” are that “encouraged” like that. thank goodness you’re leaving, it sounds like a really toxic work environment.
Post # 5
Wow, that’s really cheeky of your boss and coworkers to put so much pressure on you. The thing is, the reason coworkers do this is because THEY would rather be lounging on their own couches staring at the TV, but they go b/c of peer pressure and call you out since they don’t think it’s ‘fair’. I know this because I am totally just like you and never attend after work events unless I HAVE to. Plus, coworkers do the same thing for employees who show up late to work or take too long a lunch, they totally notice and make sure everyone else knows too.
Your boss shouldn’t say that to you though. You can report him to HR for creating a hostile work environment. You aren’t getting paid to attend the after work event AND you have a serious medical condition that you need to devote every extra minute to.
Where are you going in a few months? Are you going back to school or getting a new job? Does your employer know it now?
Post # 6
You should maybe move around your appointments? Is he kidding?? Let’s see here…yearly cancer screening, or going to the bar with people I don’t feel like hanging out with? Tough decision!
I’m really sorry they’re giving you so much grief. I feel your pain – my coworkers do the same thing to me. I’m married and have an hour and a half commute each way. I leave my house at 6:30am and don’t get home until 6:30pm. The last thing I want to do is go out with the people I just spent 10 hours with! Heck no! I want to go home to my house that I barely get to live in and see my husband who I see for a only few hours every day.
The same thing goes for vacation time. My boss insists that I dial into every call that we have, whether I’m taking a vacation day or not. I’m going on vacation…like actually to the beach all next week, yet I have to dial into a call from 3pm – 5pm on Tuesday. Seriously dude? You can’t do without me for one call? I have a LIFE you know!!!
Post # 7
That’s awful! Why does your boss care if you go to the outside of work events? Oh man…glad you are leaving in a few months and happy about that. Sounds like a lot of pressure!
Post # 8
I find it really, really odd that your co-workers and employer are disappointed that you don’t take the time to attend after-work-hours bar hops and stuff. Seriously? That’s too bizarre. I wouldn’t go just because I didn’t want to. But considering you have medical reasons for your absence, it’s unbelievable of them to give you grief about it!
Post # 9
Silver lining? hmm…. They like you! I mean if you were disliked they’d probably be super happy you’re not at the outings so they could talk smack about you. Everytime someone’s a jerk about this you can think “they like me, they really LIKE me” and then ignore them.
Post # 10
@moderndaisy: I’m leaving to make a career change, thank goodness! And nope, employer doesn’t know because it’s not 100 percent certain, but most definitely about 98 percent 🙂
Everyone else: Oh my goodness, you have no idea how nice it feels to know I’m justified in my feelings! I mean, I complain about it to the hubs all the time, and I know he agrees with me of course. It’s just nice to hear that others do as well.
It’s definitely a very weird environment that I simply do not feel comfortable in. It’s a strange setting where everyone here is like, friends and ENJOY hanging out after work. There’s a really strong emphasis on outside activities to boost “morale” and such, but it’s really just not my thing. I feel like I’m in college at those stupid “orientation” meetings where they force you to make friends with your neighbor and stuff.
Post # 11
If I’m expected to attend, then I’m expecting to be paid. If I’m not, then I’ll gladly go back home where my extraordinary life belongs.
Not that I don’t like my job and the people that I work with, but this is work. Not a priority outside of required work hours.
Now who sounds bitchy?! 😉
Post # 13
That is crazy! I am glad to hear you only have a few more months. Hang in there!
I know that networking is important, but midnight drinkfest during the week? Seriously?
Post # 14
Yeah, I also think you are totally justified in not going out every single time. It isn’t like you NEVER go. You make an effort and go a few times a year, and I personally think that is already more than an employee should be expected to do. Everyone has lives outside of work! I mean come on – comparing drinking at the bar with your annual tests to make sure you are still very much healthy? There is NO contest. I hope this other career ends up working out for you because you really deserve so much more than it sounds like this place can offer you! Good luck!
Post # 15
I was in an almost identical situation at my former job. I went to all of the ‘organized’ dinners and parties, but I only went to 1 or 2 weeknight happy hours. The company was huge on partying together and being ‘friends’ outside of work. I actually had a higher up come up to me and chastise me for not going to more happy hours. I couldn’t believe I had to explain to married adults, most of whom with children, why I didn’t want to go out drinking with people from work on a weeknight! Just be glad you are getting out of there. I am sure glad I did 😉