Post # 1
I’ve recently been trying to transform the look of our condo (which we rent). For the last four years that we’ve lived together, it has looked like student housing. The furniture was all hand-me-downs from his mother (wayyyy before we met) and it was just shoved against the wall with no rhyme or reason. The decor was non-existent. And any empty space was cluttered with crap that he (mostly) has accumulated over the years.
Okay, so I’m out of law school and I’ve passed the bar and have my first “real” job. He’s 36 an a very successful engineer. It’s time to get rid of the college look. I discussed how it was important to me to transform our home. I told him how important it is to be able to invite people over for dinner together and not be embarrassed. He agreed with me!! So, I moved the furniture around and threw out the trash! I left his treasured items (two skateboards he’s not been on in 20 years, a porsche wheel from his first porsche, two huge ass speakers he has not used since I’ve known him, but he built when he was 15). The place looks WAYY better and finally we can eat dinner together at the table and have people over without cringing when they see the frat house look of our condo (which is EXTREMELY expensive and in a very pricey area of town).
One of the things I threw out was a printer that we received free THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO!!!! We’ve NEVER used it. We’ve NEVER hooked it up to ANYTHING. We’ve NEVER EVEN TRIED to use it or hook it up. It’s lucky it was removed from the box. It has sat on top of the dining room table (which was then pressed against a wall like a desk) for OVER THREE YEARS!!!!! So, tonight he freaks out that I threw out the printer. He was like “What?! What? Oh my god…that was so stupid..why would you throw out a perfectly good printer?!”
Why would I throw out a perfectly good printer? Because we’ve not used it in THREE @*#&($* years!!!! That’s why I threw it out. I threw it out because I’m sick of it sitting on our kitchen table pressed against a wall and it’s important to me to have a house that looks like a home and not a cluttered mess! He KNOWS that’s the reason that I made the changes to the condo. I tried to explain it to him again, but he was so caught up on freaking out about the printer that I don’t think he saw it. I just came in the bedroom and shut the door. I’ll be going to bed before him tonight I suspect.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I not have thrown out the dumb printer?
Post # 3
I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all, but then again, I am of the same mind as you. I think that after he thinks about it for awhile, he will get over it. Maybe you shouldn’t have changed so much at one time. Try going a little slower. I know it is hard because you want to create a home for yourself, but guys need to know that their identity won’t be lost in the process.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t throw something out before asking first as he may have promised to give to a friend and hadn’t told you or wanted to sell it.. but whatever, he’ll get over it!
Post # 5
The heads would have been dried out probably. That’s what I would have told him, a printer has to be used or it goes dry (unless it’s laser, I am not sure about those).
Post # 6
im the same as you, hubby is a horder and if i let him he has stuff all over the house and he now knows i will throw it out if its left there for longer than a week
i dont know why he obsessed about the printer but it happens – hubby once freaked out about cheap crappy computer speakers that he didnt touch for MONTHS and then decided one day he needed them – i threw them out and he didnt even notice, i told him next time he should take them to his office and not leave them lying in the hallway
Post # 7
He had NO plans with that printer – other than to just let it sit and collect dust. If I asked him if I could throw something out, the answer would always be no. It wouldn’t matter if it a shopping bag from 6 months ago shoved in a closet. He’s like a hoarder.
He came to bed last night for about 20 minutes (at 4 AM!), then got up and went to the couch. If he’s expecting me to apologize for cleaning the house, I’m not going to. I’m willing to apologize for a lot of things, but sometimes I want him to pony up and take responsibility for acting like a jerk, too!
Post # 8
Well, I probably wouldn’t have thrown anything away without asking first…
Post # 9
I probably would have tossed it too. That’s how I clean…if I haven’t used or thought of it in a year it goes. If he thinks it was a “perfectly good printer” why hasn’t he used it in the last three years?
Post # 10
you should of left the printer lol. JK! dont kill me
Post # 11
Exactly! If he thought it was a good printer, he could have used it ONCE in the three and a half years it sat on the table! Plus, it was a free gift with purchase that he didn’t even know about until the salesguy whipped it out after he paid for the new laptop.
He hasn’t spoken to me all day! Serious. He’s acting like such a baby. I’m beginning to think this isn’t actually about the printer!
Post # 12
I have to say that I’m on both sides. I wouldn’t have wanted a perfectly useful printer to go in the garbage (like him), but I definitely agree with you that it is unnecessary to keep something that doesn’t get used. I probably would have asked around to a friend or a local school to donate it so that someone could get use of out it (as a teacher, I’d love to have a printer in my classroom!). He really shouldn’t be dwelling on it though, and maybe should have explain more concretely why he is so upset to see it go.
Post # 13
Maybe you guys can agree to go through stuff together from now on. Its great that you have him on board with the new decor idea and you want to keep that support.
Post # 14
So did you actually throw it away, or did you donate it to Goodwill or something? I would have been upset if my husband had literally thrown away a perfectly good printer, but if he’d given it to Goodwill (or something like that) that would have been fine with me. If it had been sitting around for three and a half years and he never used it, then I think you get to get rid of it without having to ask. It’s not like he was letting the printer age until it was ripe or something.
Post # 15
My FI and i have a rule…6 months top if him or i havent touched it…its gone! I am so thankful for that.
Post # 16
I’m totally on your side for this. I don’t understand why he has a connection to a printer he hasn’t used in 3 years. It seems like you even went out of your way to make sure that you kept his treasures.
Maybe he just has trouble adjusting to change and he’s expressing his discomfort by harping on something that doesn’t really even matter to him. Even though he said he’s onboard, some people psychologically are very intolerant of change and act out when it happens. I mean he’s being pretty unreasonable…not speaking to you since yesterday over a printer?!
I think that it was totally fine for you to throw out the printer, BUT it wouldn’t hurt to apologize for not discussing throwing it out before you did (just to open up lines of communication…not talking for this long over something so trivial is silly). It might make him feel a little better. He definitely owes you an apology too, for overreacting the way he did and for not appreciating that you were trying to make the condo a space y’all could both be proud of.