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Alright, mini-vent here!
I HATE it when people create posts under the guise of asking for advice, opinions, or reasoning when they truely just want people to justify and confirm their own thoughts and beliefs. Yet then when people don't all agree with them, they turn around and make rude comments.
If you want opinions / advice, great I'll give it (happily)! But don't get pissy when it doesn't turn out to be what you want to hear!
Ok - rant over. Has anyone else experienced this?
Yep. Especially with threads regarding "young" brides (early twenties) and waiting threads. Some posters just really don't want to hear what most of the rest of us plainly see.
I would prefer an honest opinion on a thread I started here. If I wanted a sugar coated here is what you want to hear answer then I would ask people I know personally! I totally agree with what you've said.
i think it kind of depends...sometime when people are ranting about something and clearly in an emotional state, i would never turn around and give advice that would just upset them more. if it isnt a blatant rant about someone/something in their life/wedding then i think they should just appreciate the advice that is given. thats why i tend to stay away from the waiting boards because i think if i gave my honest opinion about some of those post i would really upset people.
@MandaMack: Yeah - I typically avoid the waiting boards too as I'm pretty sure most of them wouldn't want to hear what I'd have to say.
Especially with threads regarding "young" brides (early twenties) and waiting threads. Some posters just really don't want to hear what most of the rest of us plainly see.
My opinion is that you can't "plainly see" anything via WB/online so I don't knwo why people take the advice on here SO seriously and get upset. Think the advice applies and could make sense? Take it. Or just think about it. Don't agree? Then just say "thanks for your time" and leave it!
I agree. We shouldn't be mean or nasty to each other, but it is always okay to voice a different opinion on a message board. That is the whole point right?
I actually agree about the young brides. I've seen so many threads started where young brides are basically asking others to justify getting married so young and when someone like myself tries to chime in and say "Maybe there's a reason you should wait" I get slammed down. They definitely are never open to a different opinion.
I tend to avoid the posts that ask for advice on situations.
My pet peeve though is the people who can't or don't say"thanks for your time" when they ask for ideas or sources for something they are trying to locate.
It's fun to help someone out and I work in a nursing call center so have the time available between calls, but sometimes I wonder if common courtesy is about to fade away entirely.
i am a young bride, early twenties fi is mid twenties, and i would never post about my age because i agree that a lot of times those posting about their age are looking for justification...and if youre looking for justification you are not ready to get married. period. but dont hate on us young brides in general though, haha.
when i feel like people are looking for justification i just dont post which may be why i dont have that many posts lol, becausea lot of the posts are just looking for justification
My opinion is that you can't "plainly see" anything via WB/online so I don't knwo why people take the advice on here SO seriously and get upset.
I respectfully disagree. Sometimes it takes an objective observer to actually see what's going on in a given situation. Granted, we're going solely on the information we're given from the poster, but many times it's pretty darn obvious when something isn't right or some story a poster has been getting doesn't hold water. I've seen some bees post multiple threads about the same drama over and over again, all the while refusing to accept that they're being fed a bunch of b.s. I don't need to know someone personally to be able to call b.s. on a line they've been given.
@lezlers:
You have a good point about the objectivity. Of course sometimes things vary region to region (eg ring carat size) so we may not be completely objective, but nobody is. I was thinking more in terms of the big decisions like whether to leave someone after they cheat on you, or whether to have a baby, etc, because those things encompass so many other little things that would take forever to read online. But I get what you are saying about calling BS.
Since we're venting, here's my vent: people who come on here looking for medical advice. We are not doctors! Or at least most of us aren't. :)
It doesn't annoy me as much as it worries me. DON'T TAKE OUR ADVICE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! GO TO THE DOCTOR!!!!
I think the healthy diversity of advice in the Hive is good. I guess I get a little frustrated when a bee asks for advice on an outside-of-the-box idea and she gets ambushed by the etiquette police. If she asks for advice, give her advice. She never asked for judgement.
Yes...some girls take this place waaaaaay to serious!
Well, I will say this for a fact, the bee has made me think twice before I post what I really think. No matter how much I dice it, I think I am thick skinned but I probably am a bit thin skinned so I adjust my responses accordingly. Hence, I hardly go into threads like: "What do you think of my dress?", "He promised not to have strippers but he did, what should I do?" "I've been waiting for *insert number of years* and he still won't marry me? Should I stay or should I go?" "Too young to marry/conceive" "Open bar/cash bar"I'm usually like, "Huh?" Although, I will agree that sometimes the bee is not asking for advice, just telling us something, and then the 'Dear Prudence' police get on her case :(
@bRooklynRocks: i agree with you! time and time again, i write something and then delete it because it sounds snarky (especially on one certain board and on the "am i old enough to get married" threads) or "uncaring". in those cases my response won't benefit the poster, so i just delete it :)
@MandaMack- I'm also a young bride and feel the same way you do. I don't think my exact age is relevant to my wedding planning and I don't need justificaiton that I'm ready to get married.
I agree with the PP about the young bride threads. I see this happen a lot more there than in the other threads. Still, I don't usually get frustrated by it because it's human nature. The poster wants so badly to be right that they end up turning a thread asking for an "objective" opinion or advice into one in which they're arguing their point over and over. It's when they get defensive and/or argumentative that it gets frustrating. Why ask us, then???
@bRooklynRocks: I've never heard of that expression before. What do you mean by "Dear Prudence" police?
http://www.slate.com/id/2265551/pagenum/all/#p2 She usually gives advice and some bees post her advice on the board.
@danadelphia:seriously...coming here for medical advice is worse then going on webmd, haha
I don't think being young necessarily means you should wait, but seeing 18-year-olds running around going "We've been dating a month, where's my ring!?" is a little unnerving.
Also...if you don't want to hear someone's opinion, don't post! It shocks me how many people can't realize this, haha.
@lezlers: this is what you just wrote: lezlers (message) April 3, 2011 California Yep. Especially with threads regarding "young" brides (early twenties) and waiting threads. Some posters just really don't want to hear what most of the rest of us plainly see.
weren't you just on here 4 weeks ago defending the waiting bees that, now, make you crazy!?!? Oh yeah ... I copied and pasted it below, too ... just in case the original somehow gets deleted ... http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/knock-it-off-seriously
lezlers (message) April 3, 2011 California
Ok, I've got my soothing fountain on, my lavender scent going and am doing my very best to go to my "zen" place. Breathe in, breathe out.
Ugh. Forget it, it's time to RANT.
To all of you well-meaning posters that like to drop in waiting threads and shake your fingers at those of us feeling anxious and frustrated, telling us to just stop feeling the way we do: KNOCK IT OFF. You are making me f'n CRAZY!
Seriously, nothing pisses off an anxiously waiting bee more than a happily married or engaged bee buzzing around with a dismissive "oh stop being so silly, what will BEE will BEE, ha ha!" post.
Waiting is not fun, it sucks. If there was a way to make it through this process without feeling the anxiety and frustration, don't you think we would do that? If it was just a matter of telling ourselves "of course it'll happen, I just need to relax and let it unfold!" and having all of that anxiety and frustration magically dissapear, don't you think we would have done that already? Do you think we choose to feel this way?
Apparently some of you think turning off feelings can be accomplished quite simply. This leads me to believe there is a magic wand floating around out there that some of you bees have access to. I urge you to tell me the location of said wand so I can use it to make my own wait easier. Once I obtain this elusive wand I will wave it around and *poof!*, stop feeling impatient, anxious and frustrated. It's really that easy, right? I mean, that's how simple you make it out to be.
So to you bees who like to visit waiting rants and tell the OP not to feel the way they do: please leave the location of the magic feelings wand at the end of each post. Us waiting bees sure could use it. If you don't know where we can find this magic wand, please keep your dismissive "you shouldn't feel that way" responses to yourselves. You're not helping anyone.
I've seen so much of that lately. I feel like the bee has changed a bit in the past few months. But, maybe it's just me.
I also agree with pp that the waiting board is infamously argumentative. Sometimes I wonder, if it's appropriate to have a waiting board on a wedding planning website. It's like controversy waiting to happen. Some women are all excited about planning their wedding and others are desperately wanting to be in that position. It's just awkward. Kind of like if there was a Trying To Conceive board on a pregnancy forum. Feelings are bound to get hurt!
FallFlowers, seriously, you could not be more right!! Totally agree with everything you said.
Huh? What are you talking about? I never once said waiting bees that are frustrated by their waits are driving me crazy in this thread or the one you re-posted here. The waiting threads I was referring to here have nothing whatsoever to do with the behavior I vented about in my rant. Contrary to popular opinion, not all waiting threads consist of the same content.
Would you like to try again? Perhaps without attempting to hijack someone else's thread?
I agree @FallFlowers. I pretty much said the same thing on the post that was refrenced above. My comment got mixed replies, I think it just depends which side of the situation you are on. I don't reply to many threads because more often than not people don't really want advice, they want validation.
I think it's impossible not to get annoyed with other people sometimes - especially when you spend a lot of time here and end up reading threads that don't necessarily interest you.
I, personally, find that when I'm bored and spending more time on WB than I probably should spend online in general, I read a LOT more threads just because I've already read the ones that really interest me. Those are the kind of threads I get annoyed with - but I usually just take it as a sign that it's time to step back and go have a conversation with a real live person, instead of writing on message boards all day, rather than assuming someone else is being ridiculous or whatever. :)
Just my two cents.
@lezlers: the title of the thread is "Grrrr Sometimes the bee makes me crazy". You wrote: Yep. Especially with threads regarding "young" brides (early twenties) and waiting threads.
Therefore, waiting threads, written by WAITING BEES, drive you crazy. Is that comprehensible enough for you!?
You defended the waiting bees and now you're saying they're making you crazy. What is so difficult to understand about that?
I don't think it's terribly fair to question the appropriateness of the waiting board. Maybe it seems argumentative or vent-tastic at times, but I found that reading it and similar fora was incredibly helpful when I was getting impatient** about getting engaged. Even just knowing that other women existed who had similar feelings really helped me manage my emotions. And a lot of waiting bees do transition into planning weddings. If bees aren't interested in reading waiting posts, they're pretty easy to identify and breeze right past.
**understatement of the millennia
@HoyaLawya2010: I'm not saying that there's something wrong with having a waiting board. I think that this group of women with a common interest (getting engaged) provide some much needed support and encouragement to each other. I just don't know if the appropriate place for it is on a wedding website. It puts women who are in different relationship stages on a perilous course to avoid colliding with each other.
I think the waiting boards are here because the bees who are anxiously waiting are here. And pregnancy boards also almost always have TTC sections. It's inevitable... people gravitate towards what they want. So there's a section there to allow them to talk since there are so many categories they don't yet fit in and they aren't going to disappear.
That being said, I had no idea the waiting boards were such a point of drama for a lot of folks. I avoid them not because I have a problem with them, but because I'm unlikely to be helpful. I'm not waiting so I can't commiserate or do a lot to help right now. But it's not a dislike of waiting gals or any part of the hive in general.
Maybe we all just need to take a deep breath and remember not to say anything online that you wouldn't say if the person were standing in front of you looking you in the eye. For me, it's a good rule of thumb that keeps me from being unreasonable or unkind. Your mileage may vary.
@daydreamwanderer: you make an excellent point and i completely agree with you! 
@FallFlowers: Fair enough. I suppose I just don't know how women who are waiting (or TTC or whatever life situation draws them together) would find each other if there weren't sections for them on wedding/pregnancy/what have you websites. In my experience, no specialty websites seem to have cropped up. I totally get what you're saying about collisions but I don't know how that is to be avoided, other than by self-policing.
Anyway, I like the hive :) Yeah, every once in a while something rubs me the wrong way, but isn't that true of pretty much everything in life?
I feel like sometimes there's a serious lack of sense of humor around here and people are easily offended. I wish everyone was a little less sensitive! I feel like anytime there's a disagreement at least one person chimes in about how they're being attacked. Sure, sometimes it's legitimate, but a lot of times it just makes them uncomfortable that (oh no) someone openly disagreed with them.
@lilyfaith: AMEN! I feel like some of the bees have misplaced their big girl panties. Seriously, not everyone is trying to offend/attack/dismiss you. I also think that people need to realize that there is no point in getting into an argument online. Even if you win, you're still an idiot for doing it in the first place.
Hey, @blondeeebuckeye:, look at this adorable picture I found of a dog eating ice cream:
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