Post # 1
I have a slight obsession with all things bridal, which I have been able to keep at bay by posting on the bee. I think I have done a superb job of not bringing up engagements or weddings for the past couple of months. In fact, when it does come up, it is SO who mentions it. I do, however, love to watch Four Weddings and Say Yes to the Dress. This weekend, I was watching SYTTD and SO says, “You know it’s kinda crazy how you put weddings on a pedestal.” SERIOUSLY?! Well Mr. maybe I wouldn’t put it on a “pedestal” if I had one of my own. Ever think about that?? I was so livid. I couldn’t finish the conversation. We decided not to get into it. But, I was so pissed off at him. Days like this make waiting so much more difficult. Why don’t you just effin marry me, if you really want to!? Then I won’t have to be this repressed nut case about it. 🙁 Boys are dumb.
Post # 3
@endofmyrope:Yes, boys are dumb (sometimes)! Sorry you’re feeling this way.
Post # 4
lol yes they are and sadly most of them will never understand how much a wedding means to some brides. Hang in there!
Post # 5
@endofmyrope:Well, I would have responded back with something like “yeah, well, men put overly flashy sporting championcships on a pedestal”. I’m sorry you’re frustrated. But, when it happens (and you know it will), you’ll feel giddy and on could 9, and all the waiting anxiety suddenly vanishes. It’s crazy.
Good luck, and stay on the bee, it REALLY helps!
Post # 6
Aww I’m sorry 🙁 Boys can be dumb sometimes and not understand where we are coming from. Maybe that was his way of telling you to relax because something is coming soon and he wants you to relax? Kepp coming on the bee cause it helps me out a lot on my bad waiting days. **Hugs**
Post # 7
@endofmyrope I had to comment, I had a very very similar conversation with my so about a year ago that left me questioning if we should even be together.
The upshot is that we talked about why he’d said it and I talk about why I talk about it so much and we understood each other a bit more.
I’m still waiting but am waiting for the ring. I dont’ know if he has picked it up yet but we are this close ->] to getting engaged.
So talk. and if he’s worth it, wait.
Post # 8
Yes boys don’t always act like we would like them to. If you think he is the one that is worth the wait, then wait. If marriage is that important to you and you think he is the one you want to share your life with, in this situation you have to wait and let things rest for now, that is what I think.
Post # 9
@WaitingweddingBE Thanks for sharing. I guess my point is that I have tried NOT to bring it up since we already decided that we want to get married sometime next year, and we have been ring shopping in the last two months. I think it really hurt my feelings because of the fact that I have made such an effort to be patient (we’ve been together for nearly 8 years) and not to pressure him. I just feel like “old me” wouldn’t have waited around this long for him, but because I think he is *the one* I have greatly compromised what I want for the sake of our relationship. All things considered, we are happy together, so I have tried my best to let that be enough. For him to make that comment completely undermines all the effort that I have put into being sensitive about his feelings.
Post # 10
@endofmyrope: I think you should tell him that. Tell him that you’ve kept it to yourself for a long time and gave him your patience and that it would only be fair for him to be sensitive to your excitement. I told my guy a while back that once the ball starts rolling I WILL talk about getting married and I WILL be excited about it. If you knew you’re getting something awesome for your birthday wouldn’t you get excited? Why would you hide it? It seemed to click for him and he has warmed up to the idea of talking about it periodically.
Post # 11
@endofmyrope: First of all, just wanted to say, you’re not obsessed with all things bridal, you’re passionate.
Maybe he just needs a little reminder that what you’re really passionate about is marrying him. Guys get so wierd sometimes and react in the strangest ways!
Post # 12
@endofmyrope – my FI and I had been talking about getting married for a full year before I started to lose my patience. I was never a girl to plan my wedding way ahead of time or look through bridal magazines when there weren’t even prospective grooms on the horizon. But when you’re in a stable relationship which your guy is solidly telling you that you are going to marry each other – I totally think it’s reasonable to start looking at blogs, watching wedding shows, ect. even if he hasn’t popped the question (I had started about 3 months prior to getting officially engaged). You’re just browsing and it’s not out of context.
I felt the exact same way you do, and for each big event (christmas with his family, a romantic trip) that passed with no ring I was heartbroken and angry each time. About one week before he proposed, he mentioned buying a motorcycle to me and I pretty much flew off the handle. He was going to buy a bike but not buy me a ring (money was what he cited was the reason for the long engagement delay), WTF? Well, he had already bought the ring, so to HIM that wasn’t an issue anymore – it didn’t occur to him how this would come across to me. He was being insensitive – and all our guys have those moments now and again.
Communication was the biggest thing. He was so nuts about keeping it a secret, he wouldn’t talk to me about stuff that wouldn’t reveal the secret but that keep me clued in (and calm) that he was actually making moves in THAT direction. It would have proved to me that we were not just in engagment limbo somewhere. Because the longer it gets drug out – the more it seems like he’s not making good on the promises he’s made to you (i.e. when he tells you that both of you will be married in a year). And that hurts – a lot.
I agree with claireos, that you should tell him just like you posted how you’re feeling. Open communication and little hints he’s going in the direction you’ve both been talking about can take a girl a really long way. I read a Dear Prudence article around the time I had my pre-engagement woes – I really like what she had to say – and it was comforting to me – it’s not the exact same situation as yours and mine but I think the bottom line is needing clarity on the engagement status.
“Resentful” – http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2011/01/your_money_or_your_life.html