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Wow. So my last two posts detailed all the issues I am having with FI's family. Without rehashing it all, they do not approve of our union or of me at all.
I have been judged and belittled since I met them. I am significiantly younger than FI and his family has a huge issue with it. They also take issue with the way I parent both my autistic daughter and my stepson.
It all came to a head this week with both little A and I sobbing hysterically. His family told me I caused little A's autism, if in fact that is what's wrong with her.
I ended my engagement with Mr A because I simply cannot commit to a life of this. We both cried a lot. He is refusing to accept the engagement is over. I think I am too.
Mr. A came down on his family hard. He has asked them repeatedly to back of me and my daughter. They have lied to him and said it was over when it fact it wasn't. Mr. A packed all his stuff that was at his parents vacation home and told them he would not see them again until they can accept his new family.
So last night I get an apology from his mother and other family members. The only family member I get along with begged me to stay with Mr. A, telling me that leaving him will crush him.
I don't know what to think anymore. i can't guarantee they will stop but I do at least take some peace in the fact that they apologized.
I'm not ready to start planning our wedding next year. Mr. A and I are going to couples counseling and then family counseling with our two kids.
I did wake up with my engagement ring back on my finger. Mr. A must have slipped it on when I was sleeping.
I do love him and his son so much.
I am so glad he stood up to his family and that there was an apology.
It may be a hard road but it sounds like you have a good plan for how to work on things.
He slid it back on when you were sleeping. That gave me goose pimples. Do not leave this man over his family. My MIL apologized to me, also, only to start her antics again a few months later. I married HIM, not her and he has to deal with her if she wants to be so unreasonable. I say it's time you get married and live happily ever after, evil MIL be damned!
Ok, the engagement ring thing almost made me cry!
As for the apology, it’s a step in the right direction. They’ve put you through hell and I don’t think a simple apology will make it all better but maybe it’s a start. Mr. A loves you and you love him. You are his family now and he knows that. It seems as though he’s prepared to completely walk away from his wretched family if this shit continues and if it comes down to it, let him. You and little A are what’s important to him. I know you’ve said that you couldn’t allow him to sever ties with his family but he’s an adult and he knows what’s right for him. He chose you, he got stuck with them.
You're obviously still thinking in the terms that you are still engaged and planning to marry him by using the words "future in laws." That's a good thing.
Good luck with counseling, it can really help.
I'm so glad to read your update and to see that maybe hopefully things have taken a turn for the better. It wont happen overnight (with his family) but maybe now they see how committed he is to you and will make an effort. My heart is happy that you and Mr. A are engaged again, and I dont see anything at all wrong with postponing the wedding while you work things out and give his family time to prove to you that they are willing to change. Good luck and I do believe you WILL be the soontobeMrsA hehe :)
I'm glad he stoop up to them! I hope that counseling will help you work everything out...and that his parents meant their apology.
Wow this is intense. His family is finally seeing they can't treat you like crap and expect him to put up with their nonsense. Hopefully they're scared enough of losing him from their bad behavior that they'll actually change FOR REAL.
I'm happy he stood up to them and that you got an apology. It may not be a fix all, but it's a start. Hopefully they understand that he means business now. From what you said in your post your FI sounds like a wonderful, seet, and caring man. I hope things go well with counseling and that you both can continue to share a happy life together.
@SoontobeMrsA: I really think you should stay with him. You seem to know what you are doing with the counseling, etc. He obviously really loves you. So glad they apologized. Remember it really is just about "your" little family of 4.
It sounds like things are moving in the right direction. Hopefully they'll continue to act nicely around you and counseling will help!
Mr. A is a phenomenal man and father. He loves me and my little girl very much. He has taken on the role of father to a little girl with some really special needs.
Sometimes, I think God made him just for me.
I realize we have issues we need to work out but yes I do believe we will end up married with a white picket fence.
This is HUGE! If he's willing to stand up to his family like this you have to stay with him!!!!!!!
I'm so glad they apologized - you do not deserve to be treated like that!
I'm really glad that they apologized, although we'll see how it goes. What this whole thing does show is just how much Mr. A loves you. And the engagement ring slipped on? Made me tear up :)
I just want to wrap you and your daughter up in hugs for what you've had to put up with. That is one awfully sweet man you have there. I'm all misty eyed, too. I wish all of you the very very best.
Oh thank the dear sweet Lord! Huge sigh of relief over here. I hope they know he's serious and that they're being huuuuuuuuuuuge asses.
Aww! He stood up to his family. Wasn't that what you needed him to do? I think this was his wake up call, not theirs. And really that's what matters. He has chosen you! Good luck with what you decide, but I hope you'll still end up being the FutureMrsA, even if it's not "Soon." :-)
I know you said you can't ask him to choose you over his family but I think he made the choice already. You obviously love each other and he clearly supports you as he should. Make it work! :) Ultimately you are marrying him and not his family.
I've been thinking about you a lot and following your posts. I can tell how much he really does love and care about you and little A.
His family needs to learn that if they don't shape up they WILL lose him. I'm glad they apologized and I really hope it is a step in the right direction.
Lots of good thoughts and hugs coming your way. You deserve some good things right about now.
Yay! I'm so glad! Now he needs to enforce it! The moment they act up, he needs to flip out and leave them! He really is a good man and I would hate to see you leave him because of family! Don't do it!!!
Awesome .... i just was reading your posts from last night and was upset to think about the tough time you are going thru... but SO HAPPY now. Congratulations. The apology from his family is a start in the right direction. The counseling sounds like a good idea too. YAAAYY!!
Yay! I am so happy for you. I know there is a long road to go, but these are all steps in the right direction. BTW, how sweet is that, he slipped your ring on you while you were spleeping, I die!
@SoontobeMrsA: Woooooow! That is such a big step to receive an apology. May I ask was it a phone call or email exchange? Face to face? I hope that once it all sinks in that you can forgive them somehow and move through counseling as smoothly as possible. Best wishes to you all.
This is the first post I read of yours, but I can imagine how hard this must be for you. It sounds as if things might be turning around for you :) Here are my two cents – so take them for what they are worth:
You, Mr. A, and your children are a family. I think it is important to be one united front. (It sounds as if FI is already in the mindset.) Mr. A’s family has been warned NUMEROUS times that they need to clean up their act, or they risk losing him. Whenever you are around the family, the SECOND they say something inappropriate, you and Mr. A do not say anything, pack up and leave. Then, there should be no discussion with them until an apology is given. They don’t have to like you, but they do need to realize you make Mr. A happy so if they want a relationship with him, they need to have a respectful relationship with you.
I think counseling is a good idea to work through everything. From what you say, there is a lot of love there.
Good luck!
Oh I'm sooooo happy they apologized!!!! He is a great man from the sounds of it! Don't leave him because of his family! He loves you so much!
So glad to hear this! I agree with miss tattoo- he has to keep up the intolerance to his family's antics...and counseling is also a very good decision.
Good luck!
awww... I got teary eyed reading the part with the engagement ring!
This is a great sign, I truly believe that things will work out in the end and that you will get married to him. He stood up for you and I'm so glad he is standing up for you, you and your little one are his family. Them apologizing is a first step. Good luck with the counseling.
Glad they apologized.
I think, though, that it's unfair to Mr. A to keep him in limbo as to your intentions.
It's his family that's the problem, not him, and he's already demonstrated that he can and will do pretty much anything to enforce boundaries and distance. If that's not enough (and it's fine if it isn't), and you truly can't envision a future together because of his relatives, then you need to end it for real.
Mr. A can do lots of things, but he can't make them like, respect or think well of you. That's not under his control. Calling off the engagement and prevaricating over whether or not to move forward because you don't like their behavior even after he steps up punishes Mr. A for something that's not his fault and that he can't change.
@SoontobeMrsA: I'm happy to hear :) I hope they really do turn around! I have to agree with the pp's (in the other posts in the past few days) that you seem like the sweetest person. I just don't understand how these people could have been so awful to you.
This really is so great to hear! Of course, it's not all going to be perfect from here on out, but what a huge step in the right direction. I know you know this, and others have said it over and over, but you really have an amazing man. His love for you and little A is so abundant and clear and he has really done all the right things. He's a keeper, for sure!
Great to hear an apology of some kind was made. But I think the damage has been done and its going to take a lot of time for you to "trust" his family again and open up your and your daughter's hearts to them. Make your boundaries and take the time you need to heal, your daughter too!
Best of Luck to the two of you beautiful ladies and I was really happy to read that Mr. A stood up to this parents! xo
Wow, this is amazing news. What a big step in the right direction!! So happy to hear this after all you have been thru. Of course, it will take some time to forgive & forget.. .but I really do hope they keep their word and are better to you from here on out. Best of luck to you, little A, Mr A, and step-son. I have a great feeling it will all work out! :) Keep us posted. You are a strong woman!
@SoontobeMrsA: Glad you got an apology. You stand by your man girl and don't let anyone or anything stop you from doing that. You love each other and that's what matters. ;)
I'm very glad he stood up to his family for you. It's important to remember that who we are related to is a total crap-shoot. Our chosen families are infinitely more meaningful and dear to our hearts. You and your daughter are part of Mr. A's chosen family. Good luck going forward with your lives together.
I am so glad you got an apology! It is definitely a step in the right direction. Things came to a head with my FMIL and I, and when she made an apology (after my FI talked to her), things did start getting better. We are at a good place right now. It doesn't feel awkward to go over there anymore, and we can have a conversation.
I am so glad to see that Mr. A went to bat for you. He knows something good when he sees it! :-) And, just like others said, I love the part about the ring. Very cute!
Good luck with the counseling. It is really important and it can be really helpful. I'm wishing you guys all the best!
@SoontobeMrsA: awwwwww, such a sweet man!!!
I agree with the others. An apology is a start, but only if they mean it. Time will tell, though!!!!
Good luck to all of you (you, Mr. A, and the two munchkins)!!! and good riddance to his crappy, good-for-nothing family! ;)
Thank you so much everyone.
I did meet with a family counselor today with little A. The more we talked about Mr. A the more I realize I'd be crazy to give up a man who loves us so much and treats us like absolute gold.
"I did wake up with my engagement ring back on my finger. Mr. A must have slipped it on when I was sleeping"
That totally made me cry. Best of luck sweetheart. x
That is good news! Good luck with counseling and everything in the future.
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