Post # 1
If anyone has any advice that’d be greatly appreciated.
We rented out an entire B&B for our wedding recepion. Its a beautiful inn that we thought our wedding guests could enjoy and be close to the action in. Mainly, we wanted all our guests to enjoy a family weekend together, under one roof. Although the prices seem steep, ($300/weekend) it is pretty much the going rate in this tourist area, and also cost as much as the rooms guests booked for my brother’s 130-guest wedding. We are responsible for paying for any rooms we do not book. We did not tell our guests this, we thought they’d want to spend the weekend with us (and also did not want to seem like we were asking for money). However, many guests are choosing to stay with friends in the area and now we are not only responsible for a couple rooms that haven’t been booked, but it also distracts from the idea that we are spending a weekend together as one big family.
I had one particular family that did not read the directions on our website, tried to book online, and upon seeing that it was blacked out (for our wedding) booked with another, more expensive hotel. When we asked them to switch they said that it’d cost them money, a $20 fee, and hat they’d rather give the money to us, than pay the cancellation fee. I didn’t know how to politely tell them that no matter how much money they gave us, they were actually take more away by not booking with us, and also detracting from the experience.
I know I should just be happy that people are coming but this is so frustrating!
Post # 3
I would just tell them… It should be an honor to them that it means so much to you to have them with you. I doubt they would take any kind of offense. If they say they would rather give you the money, tell them you don’t want your wedding to be about getting gifts; you want to share the experience with your family. How could anyone be upset with that? I think that is all you can do. If they still choose to stay at the other hotel, that’s their choice… but I would definitely try to express your feelings a bit more.
Post # 4
How many rooms does the Inn have?
Post # 5
I am so sorry that it turned out that way! I would try and nicely tell them that you wanted all this time together. It sucks when plans slip through your fingers and I hope this can turn around! Just be honest with everyone and you may just be surprised on how helpful they could be!
Post # 6
and now we are not only responsible for a couple rooms that haven’t been booked,
If there are only a couple of rooms that have not been booked, it doesn’t soud liek there was much room left at the Inn. We simply cannot control where our guests are going to stay. Some of them may have wanted a quiet escape from the activities of the wedding weekend, thus choosing to book elsewhere.
If the couple that booked elsewhere wants to stay at the inn,you could pay the $20 cancellation fee for them. It would be a lot less than paying for their empty room.
Post # 7
I have to be honest here, if I could save 300 bucks by staying with friends I am all over that. That is a ton of money to save and has nothing to do with how much I care about being at your wedding and spending time with you.
Unfortunately, you are in the middle of this from making assumptions. You assumed all these people would want to stay with you and now you have a large bill to take care of. I don’t mean to be cruel or snarky at all, but that is this whole thing happened.
There is a part of my close family I would LOVE to spend time with at a B&B, and there is a part of my close family that I would HATE to spend time with at a B&B, and it would never happen. It would be a weekend of Hell. Any family politics going on here like that?
Also, I have to say that I would be hesitant to stay at the B&B because I would feel like I was intruding on the couple’s privacy and time together.
These are just some other viewpoints that might help you understand why people are staying elsewhere.
As far as saving 300.00 by staying with friends, you can’t blame them for that one.
Post # 8
@icetea: there are 15 rooms at the Inn and we have invited over 60 people though we are expecting around 40-50 people. A lot of people could not make it because it is detstination. We are staying in one room making that 14 rooms that need to be filled. We have 3 left.
@hermom: It could have to do with some family dynamics, I’ll admit that. However, when I go to a wedding, I go to support the bride and groom and that means doing whatever helps them or makes them feel comfortable. Even if I have issues with a family member, I put my feelings aside because that occasion is not about me and my feelings for that other family member.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
$300 dollars is a lot. If people are already travelling for your wedding, it is a lot to expect them to pay for that room when they don’t have to. Also, they can’t read your mind, so how were they to know you expected them to? If your destination is a touristy place, maybe some couples don’t want to be obligated to be with family the entire time and would rather do their own thing?
However, I do agree with PP that for the couple that payed more for their hotel that maybe you could offer to pay the $20 cancellation fee in order for them to change. would help you both in the scheme of things.
Post # 10
I get that some people are trying to save money. It detracts from our vision but I can’t reasonably be upset with any of them. The couple that booked at another hotel however, is actually paying more.
@whoa_its_ash: and @julies1949: When we found out, we did offer to pay for their cancellation fee. We told them that our wedding was not about getting gifts or money but having a weekend together since all our family is dispersed across the country. They did not want to change 🙁
I doubt its about having a quiet weekend because they are coming with 4 other guests, and booked a block of rooms for all of them at this other hotel. They didn’t say it was about family dynamics but I know they exist between these members and some at our inn. I’m not really sure why they are refusing to change. Its frustrating and confusing especially since they told us they tried to book with our inn initially but because they didn’t read our instructions and tried to book online, they thought our entire inn was full.
Post # 11
to be honest, if i was coming alone – yeha id want to save money by staying with friends
if i were coming with my husband – i might want to have a bit of romantic alone time with him
your wedding is one night, you don’t get to control where people stay for it. your wedding is about you. the days/time preceding or following the wedding – not so much
its a pity you didnt check that people wanted to stay there before you booked it but it is what it is. youll have an awesome time regardless
Post # 12
@bearinger: Maybe they are trying to be discreet and just don’t want to come staright out with the fact that they don’t want to stay at the Inn. If family dynamics are involved, and you know about that, it should be understandable that they choose to stay elsewhere.
Honestly, I think you are being over controlling expecting to dictate where your guests stay.
Room blocks are supposed to be a suggestion, not an order.
I have been to many weddings and never had a bride question my choice of accommodation.
Post # 13
@bearinger: I understand why you’re frustrated! We chose to do a similar setup (but we’re having events all weekend) since everyone is out of town, and being able to stay in the same place was important to both sets of parents. I will definitely be sad if a lot of people opt to seek other accomodations, but I realize that it’s their choice. Still, would be disappointing.
Post # 14
I was just asking because we just had the same exact wedding setup…out of state destination weekend Inn wedding lol. We actually booked all the rooms for our guests.
Maybe if you end up booking the extra rooms you can haggle so to speak with other family and friends to see if they’d like to stay at the inn for a discounted rate…and they can just pay you in cash?
TBH I don’t think most of our guests would have been able to stay if we hadn’t paid but it really was a great experience having everyone together. It was so much work and sometimes it felt like we were doing so much for our guests and taking on all the stress that we weren’t getting to be bride and groom throughout the entire process…so keep that in mind. If it ends up costing you your sanity just choose to be happy and spoil yourselves with the money you save…okay back to the point. At the inn we were in bed each night by like 9pm and up at 5am working on wedding…our guests stayed up all night having fun….and slept in late…it really was awesome lol.
Post # 15
I guess on the bright side – only three rooms aren’t booked right now! It could be worse, you could be stuck with covering the cost of 15 rooms.
Post # 16
@jdhall89: Thanks for your understanding! Our wedding is destination and we have planned activities for the whole weekend as well. My family has had huge family reunions where we all stay together for the weekend and its a lot of fun. We wanted to recreate that atmosphere for our wedding. Good luck with yours!
While it is frustrating, I’m not upset with people trying to save money by staying elsewhere. Or, for instance, one family has small children and are planning on staying at a friends nearby condo. That makes sense.
Though I’m not entirely sure this is the reasoning, it would be upsetting if the party that is paying more and not staying with us, is doing it because they dont get along with other family that are staying with us, over things that have nothing to do with us or our wedding. FI and I are both the peacemakers in our family and we are constantly getting put in the middle. We already offered to pay their cancellation fee and told them we just wanted to have a weekend together with everyone we love! I’m not going to argue with anyone or demand they do things differently, but I do hope everyone can enjoy themselves and get along.
@icetea: Unfortunately our budget wouldn’t allow us to pay for everyone’s rooms, but that is exactly the kind of experience we are going for! I’m so glad you enjoyed it in the end. Your idea about discounting the room is a good one, we’ll definitely keep it in mind! And as @ykyegbride: said as well, at least we don’t have to pay for everyone’s room!