(Closed) Guest asking to bring children

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1285 posts
Bumble bee

My suggestion…. Either have a child free wedding or a child wedding.  If not, you are gonna piss someone off….


Post # 4
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@rickhurst35:  I have to agree. If anything, only have children who are involved in the wedding. 

Oh and this woman should try to find a sitter. Does she never leave the house? 

Post # 5
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think the biggest thing with the children topic is to stay consistent. If you are only allowing family children and you have said that, stay with that. It will cause more problems if you let a few slide, and then another guest notices and gets offended. 

Typically I agree with the “all or none” rule, but I think immediate family children are the exception to this rule, and if people don’t understand that, I mean really. They’re family. 

Not to mention…this woman can find a sitter if she wants to go. I’m positive of that. She’s probably just saying that to influence your decision. Sorry to be harsh, but if she is mature, responsible, and intelligent enough to raise a child, then she should be mature and intelligent enough to find a sitter in three months time. Wow. 

Post # 6
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You don’t have to go to the extreme of all or none, however you must stick to whatever rule you apply. In other words, if it is just children that are related to you then your friend cannot bring hers. Just remind her that she has a few months to figure it out still.

Post # 7
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with PPs, you have to go all or nothing.  If she brings her kids there will definitely be people who are pissed that they couldn’t bring theirs.


We are having a kid free wedding (minus two babies- under a year- whose parents are in the wedding party) and I am anticipating the same questions you are getting.  Trying to psych myself up to stick to my guns!

Post # 8
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why don’t you hire a sitter or 2 for the day that people can leave their kids with?

Post # 9
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just let her know that you’re having family children only and give her some time to sort things out.  If she comes back a few weeks out and says she still can’t find someone, then maybe I’d think about offering to find a sitter or have on-site child care.  But not at 3 months out.

Post # 10
3185 posts
Sugar bee

I think a family children only policy is fine. If she can’t find a sitter or is trying to guilt you into allowing her kids then that’s too bad. Once you let her bring her girls, you have to let everyone else bring their children. Just remember, it’s your wedding and you can’t make everyone happy.

Post # 11
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Your wedding is still 3 months away.  If she’s insisting that there is no sitter available at this point, I’d say she didn’t try very hard, if she even tried to find one at all.

Post # 13
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It is very inconsiderate of anyone to ask a bride if it is ok to bring their kids. Is this for the ceremony only or does she expect them to also attend the meal. I really think you should say sorry “no”

Post # 14
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

Stick to the rule you already have in place.  Kids are no different than any other category of guest.  You don’t have to invite all or none of the neighbors, all or none of your church family or coworkers, and you don’t have to invite all or none when it comes to kids.  That idea comes from having to deal with very entitled parents who think THEIR CHILD must be invited or must be an exception.

Your friend is trying to put her parental responsibilties on you.  We have 5 kids and 6 grandkids.  When you choose to have kids there are times you won’t be able to attend something.  It isn’t up to the host to invite kids because you can’t find a sitter.  If you can’t find a sitter, you just don’t get to go.  Happened to us many times.

If she can’t find a sitter, she sends her regrets and you can get together later.  It isn’t your responsibility to find her a sitter or to make an exception for her kids.  The kid rule you have now is great.  Guess I should mention I love kid-free weddings?

Post # 15
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry she put you in this position – she certainly CAN find a sitter, given three months to do it.  It’s not your responsibility.  Stay firm and I hope she doesn’t give you pressure or grief over it.

Post # 16
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

nope – ‘sorry, we’re not able to accomodate children other than relatives.’ and honestly, she has three months to find a sitter!

even if her mil, sil are busy that day, does she not have any friends who could watch the girls? she could book them in for a saturday ‘day camp’ (lots of community centres have them) – really there are lots of options and just because she can’t figure it out doesn’t mean that you need to change who’s invited. 


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