Post # 1
Just looking for advice really, my invites havent even been sent yet, but I have mentioned to a few people that my wedding will have family children only. Mainly due to spacing and budget.
A friend of mine has asked if she can bring her two girls. She has said there is no way she can get a babysitter for the day to come as no one is available.
The wedding is not for 3 months so I find it a bit odd that she is already saying that there is no way to get a sitter already. Particulary as I know she lives with her in laws and has her mother and sister within walking distance.
She has basically said that if they cant come thats ok, but will make things really difficult for her and she is no sure what to do.
Now I feel awful, if I say no she might not be able to come, and its just two children. But then is it fair that none of the other guests are bringing children (other than family)
Do you think I should just say no and explain that its just family children (again) or I am being unfair and should include them?
Post # 3
My suggestion…. Either have a child free wedding or a child wedding. If not, you are gonna piss someone off….
Post # 4
@rickhurst35: I have to agree. If anything, only have children who are involved in the wedding.
Oh and this woman should try to find a sitter. Does she never leave the house?
Post # 5
I think the biggest thing with the children topic is to stay consistent. If you are only allowing family children and you have said that, stay with that. It will cause more problems if you let a few slide, and then another guest notices and gets offended.
Typically I agree with the “all or none” rule, but I think immediate family children are the exception to this rule, and if people don’t understand that, I mean really. They’re family.
Not to mention…this woman can find a sitter if she wants to go. I’m positive of that. She’s probably just saying that to influence your decision. Sorry to be harsh, but if she is mature, responsible, and intelligent enough to raise a child, then she should be mature and intelligent enough to find a sitter in three months time. Wow.
Post # 6
You don’t have to go to the extreme of all or none, however you must stick to whatever rule you apply. In other words, if it is just children that are related to you then your friend cannot bring hers. Just remind her that she has a few months to figure it out still.
Post # 7
I agree with PPs, you have to go all or nothing. If she brings her kids there will definitely be people who are pissed that they couldn’t bring theirs.
We are having a kid free wedding (minus two babies- under a year- whose parents are in the wedding party) and I am anticipating the same questions you are getting. Trying to psych myself up to stick to my guns!
Post # 8
Why don’t you hire a sitter or 2 for the day that people can leave their kids with?
Post # 9
Just let her know that you’re having family children only and give her some time to sort things out. If she comes back a few weeks out and says she still can’t find someone, then maybe I’d think about offering to find a sitter or have on-site child care. But not at 3 months out.
Post # 10
I think a family children only policy is fine. If she can’t find a sitter or is trying to guilt you into allowing her kids then that’s too bad. Once you let her bring her girls, you have to let everyone else bring their children. Just remember, it’s your wedding and you can’t make everyone happy.
Post # 11
Your wedding is still 3 months away. If she’s insisting that there is no sitter available at this point, I’d say she didn’t try very hard, if she even tried to find one at all.
Post # 12
@sportsgal31: We are on a small budget, and paying for it all ourselves. I would love to be able to hire a sitter but not possible as we are pushed to the limit.
There are 4 kids coming. My yougest cousin who is 7 I am close with my family and all my other cousins are coming. His sisters are 20 and 25 so big gap. All the other cousins are over 18. My future niece and nephew who are in the wedding party and my cousin’s son who is 2 and she is travelling down for the wedding and staying the weekend. This friend lives a 30 minute drive away from the venue.
She knows that we are budgeting a lot, so I feel its a bit off of her to ask. I wouldnt dream of doing that to someone. I really dont want to not include family children that I love and want to be there so she feels better about not bringing her 2.
I think I will just have to be firm and risk anoying her. The only other option is to have everyone bring kids which I dont want.
Post # 13
It is very inconsiderate of anyone to ask a bride if it is ok to bring their kids. Is this for the ceremony only or does she expect them to also attend the meal. I really think you should say sorry “no”
Post # 14
Stick to the rule you already have in place. Kids are no different than any other category of guest. You don’t have to invite all or none of the neighbors, all or none of your church family or coworkers, and you don’t have to invite all or none when it comes to kids. That idea comes from having to deal with very entitled parents who think THEIR CHILD must be invited or must be an exception.
Your friend is trying to put her parental responsibilties on you. We have 5 kids and 6 grandkids. When you choose to have kids there are times you won’t be able to attend something. It isn’t up to the host to invite kids because you can’t find a sitter. If you can’t find a sitter, you just don’t get to go. Happened to us many times.
If she can’t find a sitter, she sends her regrets and you can get together later. It isn’t your responsibility to find her a sitter or to make an exception for her kids. The kid rule you have now is great. Guess I should mention I love kid-free weddings?
Post # 15
I’m so sorry she put you in this position – she certainly CAN find a sitter, given three months to do it. It’s not your responsibility. Stay firm and I hope she doesn’t give you pressure or grief over it.
Post # 16
nope – ‘sorry, we’re not able to accomodate children other than relatives.’ and honestly, she has three months to find a sitter!
even if her mil, sil are busy that day, does she not have any friends who could watch the girls? she could book them in for a saturday ‘day camp’ (lots of community centres have them) – really there are lots of options and just because she can’t figure it out doesn’t mean that you need to change who’s invited.