Post # 1
Got married Saturday. I had one friend who is a bit of a newer friend but we invited to our seriously intimate wedding because we attended hers a month ago. My DH is a photographer and we photographed her wedding for free and as a gift were going to give her all her pictures edited into a nice pro wedding album. I also was on setup duty ect.
For our wedding she helped make a couple special food items. We paid for a sitter while she made them and bought all the food. We also sent along a nice gift in the bags of groceries as a thank you.
The night before the wedding she called to tell me her husband was working and she wasn’t sure she could make it. our best man’s wife drove across town to make sure she got there (2 hours out of the way). We’d spent an extra $100 on her meal to get her something atkins as she’s no carb and we had to get a second caterer so we didnt’ want that to be wasted. she had bailed on my bridal party which we’d previously brought in special food for her already (same reason).
This is what I’ve heard back about her: Before the wedding started, she was panhandling money from my guests to get home early. She brought no gift. Her children were wild and out of control – they distroyed TWO table cloths with thier messes (true). Both ended up running around smelling of urine with no pants (true). she came in hiking boots and a dity tshirt. Best Man’s wife became a babysitter the WHOLE wedding. She got into 3 or 4 fights with my family members. She had a screaming match on the phone with her husband. She was calling her children bastards on video. At the end of the night she walked out with 3 boxes of stuff and then someone figured out she was loading up a case of liquor that hadn’t been opened to take home. Around here, liquor stores give refunds for unopened product for weddings and big events so we bough a TON with the expectation of returning anything that didn’t get opened.
This is such a serious departure from everything I know about her. If it’s true it’s friendship ending. I’m kind of pissed she’s stolen hundreds of dollars of product i could get money back and I’m not sure what else left with her and that’s not considering what her kids ruined. It sounds aweful but I don’t want DH to finish the hours of photoediting but that’s seriously harsh to lose all her photos. Maybe we’d hand them back unedited with a dear jane letter. I just worry I’m not being fair some how.
She posted on her wall that night: Kids went straight to bed. What a wonderful wedding!!<br />Thank you friends for seeing me through mega social anxiety and making it possible. So glad I was able to be there Congratulations to the bride and groom – what a wonderland !!!
She claims to be a little autistic (asperger’s) but it’s not something I often notice myself and i don’t know if it’s true. Is this different values? It puzzles me that people steal centerpieces without asking but I guess that’s normal some places? Do people raid the bars too? Is it an autism thing? What would you do? Should I confrust her? It’s a large portion of feedback we’re getting back – wonderful wedding but where the heck the crazy lady came from. So embarrassed.
Post # 2
I would tell her she gets no wedding photos until she returns the boxes of liquor and other stuff.
Since her outfit and some of her bahviour is caught on video, you have pretty well irrefutable evidence of her bad behaviour, even if not of the stealing.
Aspergers doesn’t make you behave like that. The cynic in me says she self-diagnosed herself to make excuses for her bad behaviour.
It’s not often I call “friendship over” on wedding bee stories, but in this case I will.
Post # 3
I agree no photos until you get everything back. And even then I wouldn’t have them edited.
My brother has asbergers, with social anxiety, so no her behavior is NOT because of that.
I would also be cutting ties with her after this ia resolved.
Post # 4
As pp’s stated, no pics (at all) until she gives back what she took!
Post # 5
Yeah man that all isn’t an Asperger’s thing, it’s a bitch thing. I wouldn’t hold the photos hostage until you get your stuff back, though. I think if you do that, it’ll get really ugly and she’ll complain about it all. Turn over the unedited photos in a format convenient for you and let her know you are saddened and embarrassed by her behavior. She will make excuses and such, but you’ll just have to let it all go.
Post # 6
Pele: yep…have to agree with the others. No pics until she returns your stuff. No return then she’s shit outta luck for her pics. dont accept her excuses either. I would end the friendship regardless of the pics or the return of the stolen stuff.
Post # 7
what a bitch. definitely don’t give her any photos until she returns your stuff!
Post # 8
Just to make it clear, did your husband photograph her wedding for free as a gift because she’s a friend?
Second, do you have proof that she took those boxes, and that the boxes contained unopened alcohol bottles?
I don’t believe in sinking to the lows of others (you wrestle with pigs, you get dirty), so I would give her the photos as is right now and firmly tell her to return the stolen alcohol. If she denies she took it, be gracious and let it go. Either way, I think the friendship is pretty much over but you have the choice to let it die a quiet death or make more drama that won’t help you (or her, frankly).
Sorry that happened at your wedding.
Post # 9
I agree with the PPs here. If she asks about the pics, ask about th booze!
Post # 10
Yeah, photos was a gift to a friend so there is no contract or anything like that. She told us she wasn’t having a photographer because they were too expensive and hubs and I couldn’t bare to think of a friend without wedding photos so we offered to take them (well, i just assist)
I do not have proof, but my dad asked today if she had brought all the hard liquor because she left with it all. I said no, it was all brought by me and that byob is a liquor license violation and the bartender wouldn’t have served it. He said he didn’t know and wouldn’t say anything as to not offend. Then my mom said she took back a couple bottles of champagne and told her we were saving it and then gave one away to someone who was helping in front of her face (classy as that was of my mom…) An aunt said she was going through bottles sorting out empties from half and full bottles and packing them up but she wasn’t loading any of the family cars. We’ll know what came back when we sort through the stuff once we’re back – the bartender left an inventory and I know my mom gave a couple away and I know the clean up crew had some more to drink later but that wouldn’t account for cases if they are missing and no one would have given away hard liquor as it was all top shelf stuff.
I do also plan to get the best man’s wife’s side of things because they are friendly from before the event and she spent most of the night around her with her kids and likely has a different view point as they are semi-friends. But that will wait until I’m back.
Right now i’m just sad and mad while trying to chill away… i know i need to fact check a bit more before acting but there is just so much swirling aorund about her (why are they telling me this now?)
Post # 11
I would love for you to send back the Photos unedited in RAW. With the way her personality seems, I highly doubt she’ll be able to firgure out how to convert to jpg to upload, print, email, etc.
Post # 12
If she can’t give back what she took because she opened them or some/drank some/gave some away to other people tell her that she has to give back what she still has and is still unopened and the rest she has to reimburse you in cash or she will never get her wedding photos….. if she gives what she has back and gives you any cash necessary I’d say that your husband should still edit her photos but call it the end of your friendship.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
It seems odd to me that you didn’t see any of this bad behavior yourself at your “seriously intimate” wedding. Where were the kids running around pant-less? I don’t mean to second-guess, but from what you said above it sounds like it was all reported to you and you didn’t actually see any of it. It also sounds like it was totally out of character for her? Maybe you should talk to her about it. It really doesn’t sound at all like Asperger’s; rather it sounds like someone headed for a some kind of breakdown, or something else fairly serious.
Anyway, are you on your honeymoon? Don’t let this ruin it. I’d put it out of my mind and you can deal with it when you’re back.
Post # 14
prahajess: +1. I thought the same thing. How come the OP never witnessed any of this herself if the wedding was small and intimate?
Post # 15
- Wedding: Royal Park Hotel
Pele: Oh, Jesus. Aspies. Don’t even get me started. See my post about my uncle and his condition (and how he gets away with the most INSANE things because of his illness)
I’m just ready for it to start being over diagnosed so people can have a fall back excuse for acting like complete assholes.