(Closed) Guest Dilemma – distant cousin's whirlwind engagement & wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Cousin's surprise wedding, what do I do?
    Send out a new invite including cousin's new wife : (8 votes)
    42 %
    Wait for cousin to ask, then invite his new wife : (4 votes)
    21 %
    Wait for cousin to ask, then say it's too late to add his new wife : (5 votes)
    26 %
    Other? : (2 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    4036 posts
    Honey bee

    @AlwaysSunny:  Its up to you, but personally, I would allow for the soon-to-be wife to attend. Personally, if I ask someone to attend, I would allow them to have a guest (even if you were not originally aware of the person) if the guest were someone siginficant in their life…long-term relationship, fiance, married, etc.

    It’s a bummer, but you already extended the original invitation, so it would be awkward to uninvite.

    That’s just my opinion.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    It does sound pretty awkward to invite someone you barely know who has a partner you didn’t even know existed! I think just leave the invites as they are – if no one else in the family knew about this partner, then they can hardly be offended that you didn’t know.

    Given that you don’t know this cousin very well, chances are they may not come anyway. I think wait until the cousin asks you whether his wife/fiancee is invited, then decide whether the invitation will be extended to her.

    Post # 6
    Member
    554 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    The whole etiquette/+1 issue isn’t huge in my region/social circle, so I’m no expert…. but I think if you invited your cousin & he’s managed to hook up/get engaged & married all in a crazy-short time, he’s got to expect that it’s going to be tricky for you guys with numbers. It’s not like you’ve intentionally snubbed a long-term partner.

    Whether you let his new wife come – I guess that depends on how close you are to the cousin & how big a drama her not coming would cause. Good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    You should contact him (you don’t have to send another invite) and let him know that in light of his recent, exciting news that you wanted to make sure that he knew that his new FI is invited, and apologize for not knowing about how serious he was about her.  Then tell him how excited you are to meet this new member of your family.

    No one should EVER wait for somoene to contact them to complain about their invitation.  A polite guest will NEVER complain about someone being missed, they would just RSVP no.

    You will get some No responses which will acomodate this unexpected guest.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2287 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    They are a social unit, you have to add her. At least one person will RSVP no, so if your at your max head count add her ASAP. 

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