Post # 1
I’m in a bit of an awkward situation, and some input would be helpful… FI grew up in SC, but the wedding is in MA where I grew up. Way back in the time of making the guest list, FMIL gave us an enormous guest list of 122 people (it was supposed to be 70 max), saying that less than half would show up…. she was right, only 30 people from her side are attending… but they’re a totally random mix of people – some family, some friends who know FI, some people neither FI nor I have ever met (we talked that out earlier and decided not to fight it… FI went to residential high school, out of state for college, and was away most summers, so he doesn’t know a lot of his parents’ closest friends).
Yesterday I got an email from FMIL… a couple of FFIL’s friends are coming to the wedding and planning a whole New England roadtrip around it – up to Maine, into Boston, etc. And they are bringing two other friends with them for the roadtrip. They have not asked to bring these two friends to the wedding, but now FMIL insists that it would be rude not to invite them, and she’s willing to pay for them. FI and I have never met them, FMIL has met them once. I feel like I should object on principle, but there are going to be people I don’t know at the wedding no matter what, because I haven’t met so many of the FIL’s friends, and it’s no extra expense to me, so maybe I should pick my battles.
I just don’t know. What would you do?
Post # 3
I would just go ahead and invite them, unless you’re getting close to running out of seating space. It’ll keep your FILs happy, and it won’t cost you anything.
Plus, there’s always a chance they’ve already planned something to be doing during the wedding and won’t come. At the very least, maybe they’ll bring you a present.
Post # 4
For me, it would depend on who’s coming to the wedding at all and how you feel about “strangers” there. If you don’t want them to come, suggest that the extraneous friends do another roadtrip activity. After all, they can hang out with each other so it’s not as if one will be all alone in a hotel room.
If you really don’t care whether they come to the wedding, let your FMIL invite them and see what they want to do. Wouldn’t FFIL be busy with the wedding and family stuff anyway, so the extra friends will be hanging out with each other anyway?
Personally, there were “extra friends” at my wedding and it didn’t bother me the day of because I was generally happy and feeling the love. To be completely honest, though, it does bother in photos when I want to include Friend but not Guest in my album. Oh well. I know it’s petty.
Post # 5
Oh we had this happen, too! FMIL had two cousins and their family or friends (extended, either way) were in town from Japan. So we invited them. I mean, they were like, staying at their house and everything and FMIL really wanted these cousins there (they were also living with my husband’s grandma, so as you can see, if these cousins didn’t come, the gma wouldn’t have a ride). Tricky. We ended up inviting them since it was kind of an awkward situation
That being said, the principle of the matter is already touchy with your FMIL. It’s not the money, it’s more people!
Granted, this is your FMIL’s friends visiting them. I would tend to say yes because they’re your FFIL’s friends and they are in town and whatnot. Are they GOOD friends of your FFIL? I think that’s where I’d invite them. Not so good friends? No. But close? Yes, I would. I invited a few of my mom’s high school friends. They couldn’t make it, but they knew me before I was born and felt it was right.
Post # 6
I would say you’re right that it’s important to pick your battles and that this probably isn’t one of them… there are people you don’t know at the wedding already…
I have a similar situation, except the damage is already done, my father is paying for a friend of a friend who I hastily said could come to the wedding because she’s going to be in town accompanying an out of town friend… now I regret it but it’s too late. I’m hoping she at least brings a present but doubt she will.
Post # 7
I would invite them. She’s offered to pay for them, and a large majority of their guests won’t be able to make it. It may seem awkward but in the end, you may not even notice!
Post # 8
If you have the space, I’d go ahead and invite them since your FMIL has offered to pay.
Post # 9
I would go ahead and invite them as well. As long as you’re not footing the bill, you most likely won’t even notice they’re there.
Post # 10
I would go ahead, the more the merrier. Plenty of times when parents are paying for the wedding they invite tons of people the couple has never meet for business or social obligations, this is probably the same thing. If it’s important to FMIL and she’s willing to pay for them, invite them