Post # 1
Hey all, my fiance and I are getting married October 5th: less than a week away. So far, two guests who had RSVPd yes have told us that they can’t make it now, which is fine, since it was far ahead enough of time that we could tell our caterer to cut down the number of guests. Now one of the groomsmen says he can’t make it to the dress rehearsal and dinner, which we’re paying for: this is something he should have told us ahead of time… not less than a week before the wedding.
My question is this: Would it be inappropriate to ask a guest to pay for their cover, if they are a no-show? It’s becoming increasingly frustrating the longer people wait to let us know they can’t make it, and it’s unfair to drop this on us so close to the date, when everything should be finalized by now. We’re paying for the entire thing ourselves, so we lose on anyone who doesn’t show up. Please let me know how you’ve dealt with these situations!
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Yes, I think that’d be very rude. It’s also rude of them to wait until the last minute, but this stuff happens at literally every wedding. No need to one-up their rudeness.
How I dealt with it: just graciously told them that they’d be missed.
Congrats on the approaching nuptials!
Post # 4
@jiayi: It would be more rude of you to ask them to pay, then for them to call and tell you they can no longer make it.
Post # 6
Completely innapropriate to ask. We had people full on no show. Cousins and my SIL included. Let’s be clear, they weren’t sick or anything. My H’s cousin had a whole table not show. It sucks, but there is nothing you can do. :
Post # 7
it’s rude but part of wedding game. ask the venue if they can box the unused meals for you to take home.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Don’t ask. No-shows are just something you have to accept when it comes to wedding planning. I had 4 family members tell me two days before that they couldn’t come – but you just have to brush it off.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
@lolot: +1, it’s rude for them to cancel last minute but it would also be inappropriate of you to ask them to pay for it.
Post # 10
Yeeaaahhh no. Don’t ask them to pay for their plate/dinner. While it sucks they waited until the last minute, shit happens, life moves on whether you move with it, and you have to accept the changes, good or bad.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t ask them to pay for it. But people do need to be told their flakiness is not appreciated how else will they learn?
They’re likely going to do this to many more events etc in their lives. I would probably tell them that it’s fine they’re missing it but that they should have told you sooner because it is a little stressful in the planning process with last minute cancellations could incur extra expenses/costs to the wedding. And end it with but you are still very happy/glad they are still going to be there for the wedding which is the most important part and if they had to miss something better a rehearsal dinner than the day itself.
Post # 12
yes, it’s rude to ask him. and yes, it was rude of him not to tell you until the last minute.
Post # 13
LOL– I assume you’re joking.
Post # 14
If you already know they aren’t going to be there your caterer may be able to work something out with you. Box up meals to go, donate the food (not leftovers) to a shelter, give you an extra bottle of wine, something. But don’t ask them to pay.
Post # 15
@jiayi: I wouldn’t ask the GM to pay for his meal.
Post # 16
Super rude. At least they had the decency to tell you they were not able to make it rather than just not show (I had one couple do that to me, not nice!)