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What would you say to someone who told you that your guest EXPECT an open bar at weddings?
Do you agree or disagree?
This was somethng on my mind but I was afraid to ask it when I was planning because I did ask a question about alcohol on Theknot boards and wow are they harsh or what!
I'm married and I'm happy with what I ended up doing.
I think most guest expect booze...but personally not a full open bar. Yes to wine and beer and if there is a signature drink that isn't something fruity...great. If there's more than that, wonderful. If you have to pay for something that they aren't offering, but it's available...wonderful. If everything is there and it's free...boo-yah!
i think it depends on your financial situation. personally i prefer to have an open bar, i think it's a culture thing, but i understand that alcohol is expensive.
To be completely honest I feel like if you're going to have alcohol it should be open bar. I feel it's rude to ask people to come celebrate with you and expect them to pay for alcohol. BUT I know everyone has different views on this subject. I'm just being honest though...
I think it depends on the area, tbh. We're doing a specialty drink or two, and then beer and wine.
Though if a guest told me that they expected an open bar, and balked about us not having one, I think they might get... punched in the nose. :p Ok, not that severe, but it would make me snarly.
It definitely depends on the area.
How rude though. I don't go to a different type of party and tell the hosts what to serve!
I think most expect booze, but not an open bar. I have never expected that and won't be having one at my wedding.
I agree that people probably expect there to be alcohol at the wedding, especially at a evening or night wedding, but I don't think that people expect that you will pay for everything!
I have been to 1 wedding with a full open bar, and about 10 with limited bars.
I am a sales manager at a hotel, and have had ZERO full open bars, mostly limited bars, and a few cash bars.
For my fiance's 30th birthday, he threw a huge party, rented out a party room at a restaurant, and had an open bar. He likes to drink, as do his friends. In our particular situation, the people on our guest list will most definitely expect an open bar, and I'm fine with that. However, I would never, EVER approach another couple and declare that an open bar was an expectation for their wedding. I try to avoid going to any wedding with a lot of expectations, since I think the most awesome things about any wedding are the choices the couple make to make the day represent them and their relationship.
i never expect booze. if someone told me that i'd tell them it isn't necessarily true. if you really need alcohol at my wedding, you're free to pick some up yourself. my mister and i don't really drink and neither do most of our family/guests and the ones that do drink can handle one event without alcohol so i'm not going to spend my precious money on this item. i think it's presumptious to expect that alcohol be provided. one can hope but to expect? the only thing i expect when i attend a wedding is to watch a beautiful ceremony and have a good time. everything else is extra.
I do not think that anyone should feel obligated to have a full open bar. I think a wine/beer bar is perfectly acceptable.
I also think that if the financial situation demands it, a cash bar is perfectly acceptable but I would spread the word amongst friends so they come prepared.
If a guest demanded that from me, I would probably tell my bartender to make them pay for all their drinks...LOL.
We sure as heck aren't having an open bar, BUT we are going to have coolers full of beer, and champainge. I will probably have bottles of a drink called Apple pie, that my Aunt makes as well. Other than that they can bring their own if they want it. I mean. Come on. We are having a pretty nice spread and alcohol is spendy!
I've never been to a wedding with an open bar for the entire night--only cocktail hour. After that, it was turned to a cash bar. I've been to a dozen or so weddings. My cousin who is getting married next year isn't having an open bar at all, not even for the cocktail hour.
It definitely depends on where you're from. I think open bars are great if you can afford them, but I definitely don't expect them. I do expect alcohol though. I would be really disappointed if I went to an evening wedding without alcohol.
I've been to maybe 15ish(maybe 20?) weddings. I've only been to one wedding with a cash bar but they did have beer available. And one wedding that was beer, wine, signature drink (no cash bar). The rest have always been open bar all night. maybe it's this area (philly), but an open bar all night is pretty common among our friends and I think everyone expects at least beer/wine.
That said-I wasn't really annoyed at the cash bar for the one wedding. Maybe for a second, but people get over it really fast. I'm not trying to be mean-but giving my honest opinion which maybe is the wrong one for these boards.
Open bars are nice. Beer and Wine are more than lovely. At the least, I would have a cash bar - unless there was no alcohol for religious reasons. People generally like to celebrate with alcohol. It is nice if something is free (beer and wine if not an open bar), but if not I think that is understandable.
I would also say it depends on the time of day, for example a morning wedding, brunch style drinks would be normal (mimosa, bloody mary etc) but shots of tequila would be unusual. I'm used to limited or open bars, but I don't know if I expect it. While I was suprised that one reception was a cash bar, I certainly didn't say anything to the bride about it for pete's sake!
Yeah, MIL was the one who said it to me. I was shocked that she was able to speak for all of my guests. My close family and friends... all of them I guess expect an open bar at weddings.
The place we originally had our reception was going to charge us an extra $30 per head for beer and wine. Given the budget that we had and that fact that we were paying for it, I just couldn't see myself paying $30 extra per person. Yes, if I had the money, it would be great to have an open bar. I was considering putting $2000 aside for guest to have a few drinks on us but then open to an cash bar. MIL was not happy about it. She offered to pay for the open bar but I don't see her taking out a loan for $3900 to pay for an open bar. I figured that since my side of the family doesn't drink that much that it was wasteful to pay $30 per person for someone who doesn't drink. I was only being practical.
I even asked her if she would put that money towards tha cash bar, per se but in reality, people shouldn't drink $3900 in alcohol for a 5 hour bar. And that guest probably wouldn't know that we were paying per drink instead of a open bar price. (This did not include soft drinks, juice and tea. That was included in the food price.) She still said no... she didn't like the risk of people eventually having to pay for alcohol.
Anyway, in the end we ended realizing that the first reception site was too expensive considering we want to give our guests some alcohol.
Lost our deposit and found a site where they used off site catering and the caterers allowed us to bring our own alcohol. MIL paid for $900 in alcohol and never ran out.
I guess it just shows how much a witch she was and that everything I did wasn't good enough.
I guess like others had said, it depends on the area. I would be pretty miffed though, if my guests got their noses out of joint over having a few dollars for a drink at my wedding. We are having beer, wine and non-alcoholic beverages available for our guests, some who are drinkers and some who are not.
An open bar is common among my friends and family in the Chicagoland area. I'm sure my guests would be a little disappointed if I weren't having one. And even though I am understanding about budgeting, from my own wedding planning, I do admit that I would be a teensy bit disappointed if I went to a wedding without an open bar. I guess I'm just used to it because we always have them.
In my experience, it depends on the social circle more than anything. I honestly have never met anyone who expects *anything* other than the couple to be gracious hosts within their means when they attend a wedding. The very basics that anyone 'expects" is cake and coffee. Anything beyond that is a pleasant surprise. From the events I have been to that have served alcohol as an open bar, only a few people touched it. Everyone else was more than happy with their non-alcoholic drinks.
Making assumptions that "everyone" expects fill-in-the-blank at a wedding or else they will be upset and that that supposedly makes the couple bad hosts is very dangerous thing. It's impossible to speak for every single guest with one common opinion because such a thing does not exist in most cases as everyone is different. Alcohol is optional to begin with, but if you are going to serve it, your guests should not be expected to shell out a dime for it. Being a gracious host means that you provide what you can afford yourself without going into debt and not providing at all what you can't. The etiquette books agree (maybe not the new updated versions which say you can do whatever you want) because you are making sure that your guests are not inconvenienced in any way. While some people don't agree with the analogy, it is very true that it is no different from inviting someone to your home and charging them to eat and drink. A wedding, whether people agree or not, really is a large party you are hosting that is too big to have in your own home and the same rules apply whether you are at home or not. In the end, if someone goes to a wedding expecting a certain something that is not even required and it isn't there, then they are attending for the wrong reasons.
Yeah, my mom's set on an open bar (beer, pop & wine) b/c people expect it. It's hard bc my FI's parent's dont drink & don't want it, so it puts me in the middle. If you don't want it, don't drink it!
I don't think guests expect an open bar... I certainly don't when I go to weddings. That is one expense that can add up very quickly. But, guests do expect some sort of alcohol... I think the most typical is a bottle or two of wine at each table, maybe drink tickets, or I seen alcoholic punch in the entry area... But really I think that a little wine is great! Maybe a bottle of red and white at each table. That way you can control your costs a bit better then worrying about how many people are going to go all out at a open bar.
I don't think that people expect an open bar at all. Sure, people like it, but it is not in any way necessary.
We're doing beer (local Seattle microbrew and probably something for those who really prefer crappy beer), wine, and champagne and MAYBE a cocktail or two.
I would be fuming - there's expectation and reality - they want an open bar? They can pay for my open bar then.
We're doing an open bar up to a set amount and then cash afterwards. And even that I think is hugely generous.
As a guest, I do expect an open bar (or at least wine, beer and softdrinks). I've been caught at weddings with little cash and been stuck drinking ice water because not even sodas were free.
As a bride, I provided an open bar during the cocktail hour and the first 2 hours of the reception. We put a note on the bar explaining that so guests would be aware. (And we had had a welcome BBQ for all guests the night before and provided an open bar for the first hour of that as well).
So bottom line- I do expect an open bar. However, I also know that this expectation is regional. I'm from NY and the only weddings I've been to that did not have open bars were in Massachusetts.
I think that my family/friends actually did expect an open bar at our wedding. It's pretty customary in our group to have open bars, so I think people thought that's what we'd have. Once we decided to have just beer and wine--I spread the word to people, so they weren't disappointed/surprised when the wedding came around. This worked from us and we didn't have much push-back/complaining from people.
I'm not sure if its a regional thing necessarily, (there is a large mormon population in LV). Earlier this year my cousin had a lunch wedding and it was LAME, no bar, horrible dj, super slow music the whole time, just totally awkward. A lot of people were commenting about how it sucked because there was no bar.
I wouldn't ever EXPECT an open bar, but having at least a cash bar option would be nice for those who might want to partake! We are doing an open bar; we originally were just going to have open bar for wine/beer, but when we priced it out, there ended up not being a ton of difference price-wise for our venue. One of my friends was talking about a wedding she went to where they didn't have any alcohol because the bride's parents didn't drink, and that they were all sneaking out to the parking lot where they had stashed alcohol in someone's car! Yikes.....
Haha, had to share on this thread...
I updated my fb status earlier this week as: "Mizrunzou is knocking things off of the wedding checklist"
One of my friends (from Chicago) commented: "things like upgrading the vodka and whiskey options for the open bar?"
LMAO. Haha.
i dont think anyone should "expect" anything at a wedding. after all, they arent paying for it. However it does matter the culture of the wedding though. My father is a baptist minister, and i have been to many a wedding that was a dry wedding because its a baptist wedding. on the other hand, most of the weddings i went to of college and HS friends had an open bar or limited open bar. I think that if you are going to have a bar at all, it should be an open bar, whether you limit it to certian drinks or have a full monty. otherwise, if you cant afford it, have a dry wedding and let people know that ahead of time. i cant STAND cash bars partly because i dont carry cash on a regular basis anyway.
I know that it is supposed to be etiquette for an open bar or an open cocktail hour at a wedding, but I personally have never attended a wedding where there was an open bar, neither have any of my family and we are upper middle class. When we talked about an open bar, we immediately decided against it... Frankly we dont want the responsibility and liability. Here, if someone were to get into an accident after being at the wedding, the person to bought and paid for the booze would actually be responsible for all consequences....
Not for us.
Yeah...open bars are not for me. We could have had an open bar...in fact it would have been REALLY inexpensive, but we decided not to.
For me it's not about the money, it's about behavior. I don't want my family to get out of control and if you put an open bottle of booze in front of them, it's not going to be pretty.
People can "expect" all they want to, but they are going to get beer and wine from me. :)
I think this depends on the region/family/circle of friends. In my group/area, most people do expect an open bar at weddings. My family would be really surprised if they showed up at my wedding and had to hand over cash for drinks. A couple of years ago, we went to FI's cousin's wedding and it was cash bar. No one had warned us and we had to go running around looking for an ATM!
we're going to have an open bar because it's included in our venue/catering costs, but if it wasn't included, we probably would have just done beer and wine, and maybe one signature cocktail. i've never been to a cash bar wedding, i think i'd be a little surprised if i went to one and i hadn't been reading lots of wedding blogs/boards.
i did go to one wedding last fall that was open bar but where the bartender wouldn't pour shots for the groom's friends to do with the groom, and it was very odd-- they weren't drunk or trying to be ridiculous, but in our social circle you usually buy someone a shot at a bar to celebrate, and it was odd that they wouldn't even let the groom have one...
To the open bar topic in general: In my family, its definitely expected, BUT not necessarily a FULL open bar. We Irish like to get our drink on. If you have at least wine or beer free, people will manage. In my opinion, a cash bar is absolutely out of the question. If you can't afford lots of alcohol, choose at least one you can serve all night (unless one is to do a dry reception, of course, or a champagne toast only). It IS a wedding, and not a nightclub, hahaha.
we just did wine & beer (w/ a champ. toast) and THAT made my sister mad as she wanted NO booze...oh well...you can't please everyone no matter WHAT
I admit, though, I was grouchy when I went to a wedding that was totally dry (when ~24). I expected at least one glass of champagne for the toast, but it's not like I'd SAY anything!
I've also been to a wedding that I think just had a toast, but there was a bar next door that we could sneak over to (at a golf/country club) and bought one martini for ourselves...
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