Post # 1
Ugh. Long post ahead guys – sorry!
Ok, so my guest list is pretty much set, but I sent out an invite to my mom’s cousin to come with her husband and 24 yr old daughter. I don’t really talk to them, so I didn’t know whether her daughter still had a bf. In any case, I wrote in the RSVP that “We reserved 3 seats in your honor.”
After receiving the invite, my mom’s cousin calls my mom and asks if I know that her daughter still has a bf and if he can come. My mom was pretty much caught off guard and in a nutshell said OK. After my mom told me about this, I was pretty ticked, but I told her, fine, she can bring him.
A week later, I receive a letter from my mom’s cousin in the mail, containing an RSVP card and a check for $100. She writes that she talked to my mom and that she said it was ok for her daughter’s bf to come. She sent the check to “offset” the cost of him coming.
Now, do I cash the check? Or should I just send it back to her with a letter saying that we’re glad she’s coming and that we can’t wait to see her and her family and bf (even though it’s going to leave a bad taste in my mouth) and hope that she gifts it back to us? The $100 isn’t even going to cover his plate and drinks anyway.
Post # 3
I’d send it back and say it’s fine and you can’t wait to meet him and see them the day of your wedding. I’m sure it will be folded into your gift.
Post # 4
It depends on what your stance is for +1’s. We’re allowing anyone over the age of 18 to bring a guest, so I would send the cheque back.
Post # 5
Ugh, that would tick me off too. I mean can the daughter not survive one evening without her boyfriend?! Anyway, that’s besides the point. My selfish and rebellious self says, wait until after the wedding to see what she gets you. But the right thing to do is to return the cheque (either by mail or personally at the wedding by either you or your Mom if she is paying for the wedding).
Post # 6
Random question, how long has she been with her bf?
Post # 7
If she’s 24 she should have gotten her own invite, and if you allowed +1’s for other guests then she should get one too. If it’s just her flavor of the week I could see that would be annoying, but she is 24, it’s not like she’s 15.
As far as the check, I think it does depend on your +1 policy. Cash it if you weren’t allowing +1s and send it back if you are.
Post # 8
I would send the check back and let her boyfriend come. Technically I think you should have sent the 24 year old daughter her own invitation even if she lives at home with her parents. I know people have budgets they have to stick to (and I’m sure a lot of people disagree on me with this) but I’m just all around not a big fan of people inviting guests to weddings and not providing them a plus one option especially when they’re in a long term relationship.
Post # 9
I would send the cash back and they in return will *hopefully* be gracious and give you a nice gift for your troubles.
Post # 10
I’d send it back just because it wouldn’t feel right to let them pay. In the grand scheme of things, it’s just one more head. True, it’s still wrong… but I would let it go.
Post # 11
I would definitely want to cash the check, of course, but knowing myself, I’d send it back.
Bright side: At least she made the gesture though. Some people invite extra guests without bothering to at least acknowledge the extra cost.
Post # 12
Send it back with a note, I bet you will see it again 😉
Post # 13
Send it back and tell them that you do not have room at your venue. It is incredibly rude to ask to bring along strangers that are uninvited even if someone offers to pay for their expenses.
Post # 14
@accorn: she’s been with her bf for 6 yrs, but the last time I saw/spoke to her was 6.5 years ago.
@MaggieGirl: I would’ve invited him in the first place, but I don’t really speak to them so I didn’t know she (still) had a bf. I felt like it would’ve been a good gesture to invite the daughter, but didn’t think to send her a separate invite. Whoops – forgot about that little thing called etiquette! =P
@Selene221: I totally agree with you. But for the sake of keeping the peace, I think I’m just going to suck it up and have all of them come to the reception – hopefully we’ll get enough “no’s” to justify it.
Thanks for the responses bees – I seriously was pretty frustrated with this! I even had an RSVP for a couple and wrote down “2 seats are reserved in your honor.” They sent it back saying “5 of 2 accept with pleasure.”
Post # 15
Wait up… you’re spending more than $100 on every guest? Wow, my mom is flabbergasted that I’d want to spend as much as $10 on them… What are you doing for your reception, exactly?
Post # 16
Don’t feel bad, I spent $150 per person. 😉
#1: There is no rule that says you need to give anyone a +1. So you’re ok on that.
#2: I don’t know if you should cash it or not…but I think waiting to see what she gifted you, and then giving it back to her at the reception could be played cool. And if the guy is a blowhard, then keep the check and cash it. 🙂
PS-I cannot believe someone RSVPed 5 of 2 are coming. I would SERIOUSLY uninvite my family for that #Hit.