Post # 1
So FI & I are trying to keep our guest list as small as possible. I am very close with my immediate family, but have some extended family who live out of town (Louisiana & we are getting married in Brooklyn) who my mother/grandmother pressured me to invite. They are: my grandmother’s sister (great-aunt), and her two daughters and their husbands. I didn’t want to invite them, especially the two grown daughters & their husbands because i havent seen them in YEARS & we do not keep in touch at all BUT i caved & all 5 of them are on the guest list.
The problem is, my great aunt keeps mentioning my 2nd cousin John who lives in Brooklyn who is the son of one of the grown daughters. There’s a possibility that the daughters come, but don’t bring their husbands. Is it appropriate for my great aunt to insist that I let John come in one of their places? My FI isn’t even inviting a lot of his first cousins because we wanted to keep it small & we have a tight budget. So it doesn’t really seem fair that a second cousin of mine is invited. I haven’t seen this guy in years and although we’ve both lived in NY for years we have never once hung out or connected.
Do you guys have any advice? Is this appropriate? Or should I insist that only people who are invited by name be allowed to attend?
Post # 3
let me add that in my perfect world, none of these people will want to make the trip up. haha
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
If he’s coming in the place of a guest who can’t make it, I don’t think it’s a problem, but I wouldn’t do it otherwise. Honestly, the family lineage isn’t really all that relavent (first cousins vs. second cousins) what matters is how close you are, but given that you are inviting these people because of how close they are to your mother/grandmother I wouldn’t spend any more energy on it– if one of the husbands can’t make it, he can fill that seat– otherwise, tell your mother that she needs to explain to your extended family that there simply isn’t room.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
You “should insist that only people who are invited by name be allowed to attend.”
“we’ve both lived in NY for years we have never once hung out or connected.”-So that tells you he obviously shouldn’t be there.
You can avoid this with a very detailed reply card- another Bee created the one below, and I think it’s fantastic. If they still try to invite John, tell them something like this-
“we’re so thrilled you’re all so excited, unfortunately we only are able to extend the invitation to you and your husband, as indicated on the invitation. If this means you are not able to make it, we understand and you will be missed”
Post # 6
@rebwana: ooh thats such an amazingly passive aggressive reply card (i mean that in a good way). We already have ours printed, but maybe I could write in the first names on the line…
Post # 7
Personally, I would say only those invited by name be allowed to attend, unless its a person that you would genuinely want to be there (which doesn’t seem like the case since you said in your perfect world none of these people would make the effort to come!) But, if your great aunt is going to make you feel guilty and it isn’t going to be worth listening to her, you could just give in. You’ve just got to decide which you’d prefer… annoying your great aunt or having more people you don’t care if they attend you wedding invited.
Post # 8
added a poll to make it easier