Post # 1
I’m not sure where this is supposed to go on the forum…but after reading all the guest list horror stories on wedding bee, my FS and I have decided that NO ONE gets to see our guest list but us. We are paying for the overwhelming majority of the wedding, so we’re keeping that private. We’re already at 140 people, and neither my mother nor his nor anyone else is going to add one more damn person!
Thank you bees!
Post # 3
@CareyIUP: Um, good luck with that.
Post # 4
@CareyIUP: Both my parents and FI’s parents have been given options to add to the guest list, and both of them came back to us and said “how many people do you want us to add, we will work with that.”
So not ALL parents are guest list ruiners. I’m really glad I asked my parents who they wanted there, because there are definitely good family friends I would have forgotten about. And since both sides asked how many we would allow them, we didn’t set a limit for them. Both sides came in very low though.
Both families really feel the day is about my FI & I and want to do everything they can to make the day wonderful.
Post # 5
We aren’t asking any of FI’s family who they want to invite, because we know his mother will want to invite all extended family (which we aren’t doing). My parents are hosting the wedding, so they have a say in a couple people.
But for the most part, the guest list is ours and ours alone. It’s our wedding regardless of who is paying for it and I always feel bad for girls on here who have to feel pressured to invite tons of people they either don’t know, haven’t seen in a long time, or can’t afford to include.
Post # 6
My husband and I paid for our wedding ourselves with no help from our parents, and our parents did not have any say on the guest list. They were very aware that it was our party and that we made the decisions, and they were ok with that. I think if your parents are paying that you have to let them have input on it, but if they are not it is a different story.
Of course, weddings are an emotional issue for some people, so I could easily see parents being angry if they have no say in the list even if they are not contributing financially. You’ll have to know what will work best with your families.
Post # 7
@awakemysoul: I don’t think we’re going to have a problem keeping it private. I told my mom what family I was inviting IN CASE I forgot someone (there’s a feud on my mom’s side, so most of them aren’t invited anyway), and I did indeed forget about one uncle. And she’s told me from the beginning, this is your wedding, do what you want and invite who you want. Also, my FS isn’t the type of man to cave into his mother…she said she wouldn’t come if he didn’t invite his horridly behaving nephew (no kids whatsoever, including on my side), and he said, “Well, I guess you’re not coming then.” Besides, I’m making the invitations and sending them out myself and the RSVP’s are coming to me.
The only exception might be FS’s dad, who is helping us a little bit, which is appreciated, but that will be minimal at best and my parents can’t really afford to help us. To me, this isn’t “bringing two families together” because honestly, after the wedding, I don’t expect our families to ever see each other again. I get along very well with his family, but I really don’t think they would mesh lol. I’m pretty sure the first time anyone from my side will meet his side is at the rehearsal dinner. I’m very adamant that if it’s coming out of my pocket, it’s mine and FS’s deal. My FS likes to keep his family at arms length to begin with…so there’s no issues of him “choosing” them or want they want over what we want.