Post # 1
I have never started a post on here before (and never really planned to)–I just like to read what everyone else has to say =) but I need some advice as the fiance just keeps saying, “It will all be ok”….
Anyways, here’s the situation:
My venue can hold up to 300 but I’m wanting to keep the acutal count at 150 max! Right now, without double checking with ihs family, we’re at 230ish (including kids). I do know that on average 20-33% will decline and with a destination wedding, time of year..etc that number can grow. But there are NO guarantees. I would say 95% of the guest list is OOT as were getting married in CO but only the two of us and our friends here are from the area. Family, hometown friends and college friends will all be traveling. Another kicker—it’s December 30, 2012 (yes, my date in my profile says the 22nd but it changed).
Anyways, to get it to 150 we would need roughtly 45% to decline. There are a few people on the list (extended family) that I’m simply inviting for the etiquette,some of them I’ve never met, or haven’t talked to in years. But etiquette-shmetiquette. It seems like WORSE etiquette to invite someone and HOPE they say no. That just seems mean and it makes me sad thinking about it. My family is just so tight knit that if I invite 1 distant cousin that I know, than I have to invite the other 2 and thier parents…etc. It just gets out of control quick. It just seems easier to keep everyones feeling safe and only invite immedieate family, cousins, gparents, aunts and uncles.
My question is if anyone else has had this issue and how did your family react? Were any of them hurt?
Post # 3
I didn’t have exactly the same issues but we only had 13% decline. Our wedding isn’t destination though, and I know that makes a huge difference. 20-30% of our guest list was OOT and then the rest are about 45 minutes to 2 hours away. But I really would only invite the closer family (maybe skip the 2nd and 3rd cousins). We had to cut our guest list down from 150 to 100 and those cuts were mostly extended family, children, and less close friends. My family understood but we’re also paying for this ourselves so people didn’t expect to get as much say in the guest list as if they were paying for it.
Post # 4
I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a big family as well and if I invite one cousin, I have to invite the rest. Have you made an A list and B list of guests. Pick 150 A list people and then the rest is B list. Send your invites early..get a response and then if you still have less than 150, you can send invitation to the B- List people. Also I heard calling people one by one to verify their reply will avoid people are no shows.
Make sure you didn’t give any people any +1….avoid it but you can only use it for people that don’t know other people.
My fiance invited engaged relatives and those with a live in bf/gf. If you weren’t engaged then your gf/bf is not invited.
I eliminated people that I don’t get along with that are out of state ( I have a bitchy cousin).
Think of each guest when you invite them as you are giving them $100 each. Who would you give it to???
Post # 5
Thanks so much for the input! I considered the A/B list but my worry is if I send out A list 8 weeks prior then B list 6 weeks prior (or even 5), that’s not enough time to plan a trip around holiday time, book a flight, reserve a room…etc. And those B listers wouldn’t get a STD to warn them of the wedding date. I also think my A and B list would be split with family—and word would get out =( We did include kids in that count (which is literally close to 30) but there’sa “but” here too. (I’m starting to really NOT like the word “but”! Anyways, some of our OOT friends have little babies and I can’t imagine asking them to come but leave your baby in washington! And then I worry that guests who do live in town will see other kids there and wonder why their kids weren’t invited. Kids are given a discounted price–but they still need a seat which requires more tables, more linens and more centerpieces. ARGh!
Oh and @jussanuthagrl if I only invited people I’d give a physical 100 dollars to, I wouldn’t have a wedding! haha GREAT advice though =)
Post # 6
Glad it’s helped you. My fiance and I did have a dilemma with kids though. He didn’t want to invite. However we only included kids that were in the bridal party and were siblings of those kids. I made a clear that we would allow out of town guest to bring their kids unless that couple wanted a kid free nite/vacation. I want to meet their kids too plus why would my friends leave their kids in NYC and St. Louis. So I won…LOL. This year, my brother’s wife, my future SIL, my cousin, and one of my bridesmaids is having their baby….so I guess we are allowing them to have their baby there unless they want a babyfree nite. Yeah, my wedding is not till November. I won’t send STD to everyone but the absolute A listers (gonna email people a STD to save money, and mail STD to those that only use old school mail). Yeah, I’ll have to send the A list wedding invites earlier and then call people…then send the B listers…It’s going to be interesting. Good luck!!
Post # 7
btw, maybe you should send in 3-4 Months earliers??? Just an idea.
Post # 8
We are doing an A list and B list. We can afford 180, so we figure at least 20 people will decline and are inviting 200. There are 6 international, 20 live over 2000 miles away, some won’t bring plus 1s, and some won’t bring kids, so I am hoping a lot more than 20 will decline. Once we get 20 nos, then FI is allowed to start sending out his B list (our guest list is 30% me, 70% him, so all B list is his).
Post # 9
Well, after talking to the fiance and my mom, we decided to use the whole “destination wedding” to our advantage. I wanted to send out invites to extended family for the sole purpose of them feeling included and “thought of”. But inviting someone you hope doesn’t show up is just wrong (my personal opinion)…and inviting 230 people regardless of the stats on percentage of declines still opens the door for 230 people to be there! So, we’ve decided to send out announcments, asking our extended family to “Keep us in your prayers as we get married on 12.30.12 at our Colorado destination wedding”.Not those exact words….but something similar.
This will be for extended family on my side (mom and dad) as well as my fiances side (mom and dad) so there are no favorites, no exceptions…just black and white. It’s really not that big of a deal feelings wise becuase most of those people we’re sending announcements t, oo would not come, and I know they wouldn’t but it still freaked me out to see such a large number…so this way they still feel included but also don’t feel like they will hurt our feelings by saying no and let’s face it…I won’t have to worry about hunting them down when they don’t send an RSVP only to know what the answer will be! ha
This alone droped our guest count under 200! So we’re pretty happy about our decision. At the end of the day, I really only need my fiance, family and his family to make the day perfect. =)
Thanks for all the advice!