(Closed) Guest List and In Laws…Vent

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

No advice, but I’m right here with you.

The people they want to invite to our wedding just blows my mind. I’ve asked for a list and let it be known that we will be narrowing that list down. The list is currently around 130 and I’d like to get that down to 100 and hope only about 75 show up.

Post # 4
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I empathize.  But, it’s my family that the problem lies with.  Someone in my family added an extra person to my guest list that I did not invite.  When I complained to other relatives, they acted like I was being ridiculous.  My dad told me he was going to call WE TV on me because he, “has the perfect candidate for their television show.” (I won’t mention the name of the TV show, which paints brides in a bad light).  He told me I should be “flattered that everyone is so excited to be apart of my big day.”  I am flattered and thankful I’ve got lots of family who love me.  But, I can’t afford to accomodate them all at my expensive venue.  My aunt told me that I needed to let it go because the relative who did this is sick with cancer, and the extra invitee has been taking care of her.  I could understand if I’d invited my sick relative on her own, her needing to bring caretaker.  But, her husband, kids, and grandkids will ALL be there to care for her.  It is FRUSTRATING!!!

Post # 5
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Fortunately or unfortunately, I’m still a waiting bee, but I’ve made it clear that I want a SMALL wedding, but he has a HUGE family and it’s just TRADITION to invite everything… not waiting for that to blow up once it’s time to make real decisions. You have to put your foot down, you’re paying. UGHHH.

Post # 6
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Our situation is so similar that it’s RIDICULOUS! Only it’s not my FFIL–it’s FI’s STEPDAD (who neither of us are fond of AT ALL). We’re paying for the whole thing and from the beginning Fiance and I agreed that since we’re paying, we have control of the guest list–we invited friends of each set of our parents who it was important to us would be there (and so they wouldn’t be completely without friends) and then one day his mom just gave us a list! I was so mad i think I sat with my arms crossed for about 2 hours! I’ve never even met the majority of these people (they live across country) and Fiance doesn’t even talk to them! PLUS it’s not like it’s a few people! We’re talking a FULL TABLE. And then last week his mom phoned to ask why his Stepdad’s nephew wasn’t on the list. It was really bad and i told Fiance, i conceded before and I’m not going to do it again, if we get NO’s then we can send another invite, but there are so many people I’d like to invite, but CAN’t because of these random people. And I won’t even begin to tell you about rehearsal dinner drama (we’re paying for that ourselves too)

The best advice I can give you (that my own Fiance didn’t decide to listen to–and things just got WORSE) is your Fiance needs to be the one to stand up to them, they’re HIS family. If you say anything, it’s just going to negatively reflect on you, and trust me, as much as it sounds like it’s definitely THEM, if you say/do anything it’s only going to make it look bad on you. Besides, your Fiance should be defending decisions the two of you made together, if it were your family causing problems it would be your place to fix it.

Hope that helps!

Post # 7
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Even as a waiting bee, I’ve started a guest list and the way my family is, I *have* to invite every single member of my dad’s side.  I love them all and know them very well, but with SO & I’s idea of 75 people…. well that leaves my side already more than half the guest list! 🙁 Not even including my mom’s side of the family.  I love big families but when it comes to this, not so much.

OP, I would tell him stright foward that your venue can’t accommidate any more people. If your Fiance needs to talk to his dad instead, make sure Fiance mentions to dad that it is you and FI’s big day, not a family reunion.

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