(Closed) Guest List Anxiety

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

#1: Yeah, that sounds ok!  It’ll be nice for them to be able to bring their SOs.

Wow, never thought about #2!  I think it’s smart of you to not send them invites.  You’re right, if they quit or get fired before you send out the actual invites it could be awkward!

#3: We definitely invited way more than our optimal number!  Our optimal number was 25, we invited 60, and we had 26 show up.  Can you get a rough idea on your “definites,” “maybes,” and “probably nots?”  You can get an idea of how many people will show up.  I intentionally invited more people, because I knew many would RSVP no, but I still wanted to be polite.

Post # 4
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I’m not the best person for etiquette advice, because I really don’t know…BUT, I can tell you my experience, and how we handled the guest list.  

–I didn’t give save the dates to coworkers….for most of the reasons you mentioned, and also because I wasn’t sure I was going to stay at my job, and that would have been weird.  I did stay, and they are invited, except for the guy who just started because I really don’t know him and I think he’d think it was weird to get a wedding invitation.  And also, he’s a guy, so he probably won’t notice.

–I did something similar with the +1’s.  The only people who get them are married, engaged or living together, EXCEPT for my bridal party.  I figured it was a nice gesture to them to allow them a +1…sort of a thank you for coming all the way out for my wedding and being so supportive and awesome.  

–We have invited 195, and I really really only want 110.  In reality I think we’ll get 112, and I know that because on my guest list spread sheet, I’ve gone through and made through a column for how many from each column I’m expecting to actually show up.  This is based on personal knowledge or asking parents, etc.  Our invited vs. expected number is not typical because all but about 20 of our 195 live at least 10 hours away from the wedding…meaning we can expect a lot fewer of them to RSVP yes than if they were local.  I have tried to err on the side of caution and if I thought there was the slightest possibility that a person would show, I put them as a yes in my estimate.  I’m hoping that by doing that, I won’t be surprised by our final number.  But HEY.  The worst that happens is that more people want to come celebrate our big day!  And we rent some more chairs and pay for a few more meals.  If that’s the worst thing that happens, it’ll be a good thing!

Good luck!!  Try not to stress, and come here when you need feedback! 

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