(Closed) Guest List: any REALLY tough choices?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I agonized over inviting coworkers.  I’ve been working at my current job for almost 10 years, so I’ve known most of those people for a really long time.  I knew I would be inviting a couple of them (I work with our officiant and her partner), but I wasn’t able to invite all of them.  I felt bad cutting some people and inviting others.  With the couple of people I know the best, I just took them aside and mentioned that I was sorry that I wasn’t able to invite them.  They were all really understanding and no one questioned our decisions. 

Post # 4
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My issue is with my ex-husband’s relatives, plus a nephew of mine.  They would really like to be included.  However, the ceremony is far away and midweek, and is going to be very small.  The reception is at night, at a club, with dancing.  My ex-husband is mostly deaf, and hates loud music.  Many of the relatives involved can’t drive after dark, and have serious mobility issues.  I am touched that these people want to continue to be involved in my life, even after the divorce.  However, including them in the existing festivities would not really work.  We may end up having a separate small party, just for them.

Post # 5
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m torn with some childhood friends of mine… they already assume they are going to be invited to the wedding & one even thinks she’s going to be a bridesmaid.

We were close as children & remained friendly over the years, but we also are at such different places in our lives that we aren’t really that close anymore. We’re looking to have around max 75 people at our wedding & a lot of people have been cut already.

I don’t want to hurt these girls or cause a rift– but we want only our nearest & dearest to be there for us on our wedding day!

Post # 6
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

My mother is one of 9 (I will be inviting 2 of them) and my father is one of 7 (I will be inviting 2 of them, maybe 3). Plus their partners and children, and their children’s partners (their children are my cousins closest in age to me – one is a BM). The other aunts and uncles and cousins just can’t be invited, due to space limitations mostly. Luckily my little sister got married earlier this year and only invited 3 from each family, so she set a precedent for me 🙂 Everyone was understanding (and if they weren’t, they hid it well). Our other big issue is FH’s father, who is not involved in his life and has said to us not to invite him because he "doesn’t do weddings". FH’s mother doesn’t want him there either. We probably won’t invite him, but it hasn’t been an easy decision and for me who comes from a close (and big) family where marriages last and everyone goes to weddings, I have found it difficult. FH seems ok with it – he knows his father and what he’s like. We’ll just focus on the people we do have there, who love us and support us.

Post # 7
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My father is one of 6 and my mom is one of 5.  Each one of their siblings had at least two kids (and some up to four) so I have 24 first cousins.  I am the oldest on both sides by 5 years with some of the kids over ten years younger than me.  I am the first to get married, too.  I am not very close with many of the cousins and typically only see them once or twice a year. 

 We are having an evening wedding/reception.  We decided to not have any guests over 18 which meant leaving out about 10 of my cousins and in some families, that included having two out of three invited.  We are inviting all of the aunts and uncles.  It isn’t just child relatives that are left out, many of our friends have kids.  It is causing such a headache that if I could have done it over again, I would have just included everyone to avoid the drama. 

As a compromise, the little kids are invited to the ceremony and cocktail hour but they need to boogie before the reception.  The relatives that are complaining the most are the ones who didn’t have kids at their weddings. 

Post # 8
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

My guest list isn’t finalized yet, but currently I’m vacillating about inviting my cousins. Some of them I’m close to and want there…others are grown-up and I never knew and I don’t want them there…and still others are little brats. I’ve considered setting an age limit, but my fiance likes one of his smaller cousins and wants him there (but I’ve seen how some of his aunts parent their children in public places/events and I do not like what I see!).

Eh. We have three years. We’ll see what happens. =D 

Post # 9
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My family alone come up to about 100 people… I’m very lucky in that respect, because my first cousins are more like my brothers and sisters and my 3rd cousins are like first cousins.  We all grew up together and my whole family is very close.  My issue is, I’m closer with some of them and really want them there, but there are other cousins I don’t know as well and truly wouldn’t miss if they weren’t there.  But I’m not sure how to go about it.  Its at the point where I’m having to cut some people I would like at the wedding in leiu of family members.  I love my family, but I love my friends too!  I’ve done a couple of things… first off, no one who is not married or engaged is allowed to bring a date.  I feel like thats harsh, but it had to be done.  The other thing I did was kinda silly…  we are using a "Police Lineup" way to narrow it down.  Basically, if there is someone that one of our mothers added and we couldn’t pick the person out of a police lineup, they’re cut.  Its hard… its all really hard and I hate doing it.  I haven’t looked at my list in about 3 weeks, because I know I need to take more people off and just can’t bring myself to do it yet.

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