(Closed) Guest List – Can I remove someone who got a save the date?!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You SHOULD send her an invite although with her situation you could probably get out of it because of her moving (and just say it must have not gotten forwarded). I’d just send one – she might not come if she’s out of state.

Post # 4
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 I would probably err on the side of etiquette and say just do it.  It sounds like she’ll turn you down anyway.  But you never know.  If she was planning on coming home for a visit and attending the wedding, it would be bad not to get an invitation after getting the STD.

Post # 5
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with previous posters…you should send one. But it seems like there’s a good possibility she won’t come.

Post # 6
9 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

i agree she probably wont come if shes moving away

Post # 7
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

most people willl tell you “no” that it’s in bad form and bad etiquette to send her an STD and then not invite her. But I did this. Long story short – one of my mom’s older brothers – who lives a few thousand miles away (we’re in indiana, he’s in oregon)  – well, I sent him an STD but NO invitation. He’s not liked by the family and his only son (who I invited and am excited to see) hates his father (long family drama) so yeah – I didn’t send him an invite. Granted, he wouldn’t have come or sent anything even if we had – but yeah. I did not send him one.

everyone’s situation is different – truly in the grand scheme of things – once the wedding is said and done with – will anyone care that you didn’t invite this girl, just because you’d sent her a save the date? I know I’ll be the minority and possibly one of the only ones to say this. but to me – NO you don’t have to send someone an invite if youdon’t want to.

Post # 8
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

You can do it but be prepared for her to be (rightfully) upset.  If you don’t care about that, then you definitely don’t have to invite her but it does go against proper etiquette…

Since it sounds like she won’t come anyways, the least-drama-filled thing to do is just invite her and cross your fingers!

Post # 9
1221 posts
Bumble bee

We are in the same situation.. but we never sent out save the dates..
My Fiance just told this guy from work that he was going to invite him but when i told him to send me his updated list (because it changes everyday) he took him off.. and when i asked him about it he said “He doesn’t work with me anymore and we only talked at work” … I mean that is him… i dont know.

Post # 11
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

No, you cannot NOT send an invite – a save the date is as good as an invitation.  This is considered very poor etiquette, especially since she hasn’t exactly done anything to to warrant an uninvite.  If you think she won’t come why not just send it – and if she’s moving out of state she probably won’t.  If she shows up though, who cares?  You probably won’t even notice.

Post # 12
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

It’s bad etiquette, but I am in an identical situation with a girl at FI’s office and we opted to forego sending her an invite.  We don’t like her and don’t want her there…she was just invited because the rest of the office was.  Well, now that she’s leaving…phew!  I’m typically an etiquette-o-holic but we’ll never see her again so I don’t feel that bad about it.

Post # 13
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Presumably, you already firmed up your guest list and accounted for the maximum amount of guests prior to mailing the Save-The-Date Cards.  If she comes, you won’t have to really talk to her much, besides just saying “Hi, thanks for coming” since you’ll be busy partying and spending time with your family and friends whom you do like. Not to send an invitation would be poor form, IMO.


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