Post # 1
Fellow bees! I am having such issues with this guest list, and it’s driving me insane lol! So I spoke to my mother who told me her guest list…and I was rather bothered and upset. I also felt silly for listening to my MOH tell me to do this. My mother basically added 22 more people to my list of 120!! I tried to do the instructions given in another thread of saying certain phrases like “Oh I will take note of that” or something lol…but yeah it’s mom!
The other thing is these people are out of town guest, and I am sure many will not come. My mom says to send them an invite so they can send me a gift…and that’s all dandy but what if they do decide to come!!! Ugh I can’t afford an extra 22 people for example!
So how does this invite/save the date thing work? I figure I send the save the date to the ones I know I want to really come and then send invites to those who I don’t care about coming?? Or just don’t send the extra people at all? Anyone who has sent out invites already please do share your experience or how it works!
Post # 3
Save the dates are basically just a heads up that you have a wedding on X date in Y city and don’t require any RSVP action by the guest. They are usually just for OOT guests and VIPs but you do not have to send one to everyone. In fact, you do not have to send out any STDs if you so choose. However, anyone that receives an STD MUST receive an invitation.
Invitations are required and should go out to everyone you invite.
If you do not have room in your budget for these extra people and you are paying, then I would be firm with your mom and tell her you don’t have room for them. Plan for 100% acceptance. What might be nice is to give your mom a set number of spots that she can fill with anyone she wants and leave it at that. Be sure to communicate with your mother! You don’t want her thinking you are inviting people if you are not. She may tell them verbally they are invited and things will get complicated and awkward.
Post # 4
Even if it doesn’t happen, plans should be made with the assumption that every single guest will accept the invitation. I like the idea of providing a set amount of spots for mom to use, but the key is to be firm on total capacity if you cannot afford anything more.
Post # 5
Can you get your mom to pay for any of “her” people if they do come? (and if yo uthink there is ANY chance she will back-out, then make her pay a “deposit” or something for you to send the invites.)
Post # 6
I would tell my mom that if her plan of “invite for gift only” backfires that she is responsible for the cost of food, tables, chairs, linens, centerpieces, etc, that each postive RSVP incurs, give her a per head estimate and ask her if she is comfortable with paying up to that amount of money to send these people invitations.
Post # 7
@RunsWithBears: Yes thank you! This is how I feel for sure… I am nervous that everyone may RSVP ! Then I will be stuck with a high bill for sure and I don’t want that at all.
@bleusteel: Yes my biggest fear :/
Post # 8
@red_rose: Yeah I doubt she has money like that to contribute.. I just couldn’t believe her that she decided to add so many people…and then get upset that I didn’t want to add certain others!
@Americano: I love it lol…Yeah that should stop mom in her tracks for sure. I don’t think she understands. She wants me to invite people whom I know won’t even come! Waste of money in my book
Post # 9
I agree – if your mom wants them invited, she should be responsible for paying for them
Post # 10
and can’t people send gifts without an invite if they really want to? I am not rich by far, or anything but I sort of don’t care about that! I just want to marry him lol!
Post # 11
As an event planner, I must agree with Runs with bears and some of the other bees. You don’t have to invite them nor send them cards. if you don’t have the budget for it then you don’t have the budget.