(Closed) Guest List control. Is this a bad idea?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

The biggest issue you will run into is the other side finds out.  So for example, if you are on Facebook, and any of his family is, they might comment about receiving the invitation, and then your family will see… and wonder why they didn’t get their invitation yet.

Post # 5
Member
690 posts
Busy bee

I did exactly this!  FI’s whole family lives overseas, and our venue can only hold up to 100 people.  Suddenly, a lot of his family started seriously talking about coming over for the wedding, and we got nervous about space issues.  So we went out the invites to all his family super early.  WHen it came down to it, almost everyone declined.  Now we can invite all the local people, without panicking that our venue will be too full.

It’s worked great so far, but your situation is a little different since both sides live on the same continent. 

Post # 7
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you are worried people will comment about the invitations on facebook, put your privacy settings so that your wall will be private for a while.  Then nobody has to find out that they did or didn’t recieve invitations yet.  Problem solved!  🙂

Post # 8
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

You can also send them to his family AND to the “must have” people on your side at the same time. Essentially, you would hold back a “B” list that might have 15-20 people on it. As you receive declines, you can send out the B list invitations starting with the most important first.

Post # 10
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Libragirl: Oh, “bad” is such a judgmental word! LOL   Honestly, I don’t think it’s really that much different from your plan. In a sense, you would be treating your entire family as a B list! And I don’t think it’s bad if you manage it carefully. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t think this is a good idea.  If you only have 110 on the list, chances are you’ll easily fall in the 80-100 range, without giving yourself the added headache/pressure of timed mailings.  Plus, you aren’t guaranteed when those no’s will arrive (if they will be early on or closer to the deadline)

If you need to hold off on inviting certain people, but hold off on those you can mail, only if you start to get no’s.  But, it’s really easy to drive yourself crazy when you start to add on those ‘maybe’ people… it’s seriously never ending… I was much happier once my guest list was solidified (after a billion revisions)…

Post # 13
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would be concerned that word will be out that invites were sent.  My aunt and I just talked about this and she was a B list invite and she did not go because she found out.  I was going to mail invites at different time but now am moving to a different idea.  My SIL gave me the idea.  I will be sending the invite with a: we have # of seats reserved for you and then a decline or accept box.  I’m not sure if this help or will work but the whole # thing is ridiculous stressful.

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