(Closed) Guest List D-R-A-M-A….Help!!!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We had a similar problem, so we explained it as a way of fairness. We couldn’t invite all of FI’s cousins and not invite mine because of their age. And While we love little Susie, we couldn’t make the exception for our friend’s children due to venue constraint or what have you.

Post # 4
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would say something like:

“As you know Fiance both come from very large families, and it’s important to both of us to have our families celebrate with us which is why we’ve kept the guest list primarily to family members. Unfortunately, our venue will not accommodate that many people, so to be fair, we’ve decided to only invite first cousins from each family. If you’d like I can help you arrange a babysitter for Bobby.”

because it 

– Reminds people that you both have a LOT of family members

– Let’s them know that they, your family, are important to you

– Let’s them know that you’ve already made concessions on the friends that you can invite

– Whether or not it’s completely accurate gives a good reason for not inviting more people in that space is an issue

– Gives a clear boundary of who is or is not invited and why there are children from FI’s family that are invited




Post # 5
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think you made a good choice for yourselves and that your cut-off line is perfectly reasonable. It sucks; some people will just not understand, but you have done nothing wrong.

Post # 6
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

You can repeat this as a mantra to those who don’t “get it”

“We are only allowed 200 people….” say this over and over and over again.

Post # 8
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@sn2bmrsmntgmry:  Wow, we’re in the EXACT same spot.  His cousins are all adults and have kids of their own (FI’s 2nd cousins) and my first cousins are all younger than me by 12 years.  We are a year out and ALREADY we know that if FI’s first cousins kids are not invited and see that my cousins are (and are kids), she’s going to flip.


The fact of the matter is we’re paying.  It’s not Fiance or my family that’s paying… we are.  We drew the line at First Cousins and that’s where it stays.  And if anyone so much as scoffs at that comment, I’m going to lay the guilt trip hardcore and explain that we couldn’t invite some of our good friends to the wedding, in order to accommodate all extended family (which is true and I’m not happy about it).

Post # 9
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Zusie:  This.  Great advice!

 @sn2bmrsmntgmry:  I had someone say something like that to me: “Oh so-and-so is so sad they can’t come.”  What made me feel better was to just say to myself “You are so f($&# rude” and then I said something like what Zusie suggested.  

It is SO rude for people to be making these types of comments to you, so just keep repeating that this is THEIR issue, not yours.

Post # 10
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had a similar problem, large families and a HUGE guest list. I opted for no children at all. To me, it was more important to have our friends there than the children of family we never see (but still have to invite out of obligation) and most whom we don’t even know the names of.

In your case, you simply say, “FI and I both come from extremely large immediate families, all of whom we have to invite. With the limited amount of space we had left, we had to limit children to 1st cousins only. When faced with inviting just the two of you, or none of you, we opted for the two of you. I’m sorry that we just don’t have the added room for little Susie, but I hope you can still make it.”

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