- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I say invite who you want to invite. If your goal is to keep the guest list small, there is nothing wrong with that.
@soinlove22:Honestly, I wouldn't invite people to my wedding that I didn't know or don't associate with. If you are going for the more intimate and personal feel then I think you should only invite those that are closest to you and those that you want to share your special day with. Just my opinion, but I don't see the need to invite all of those extended family members that don't really mean anything to you. Does your FI feel the need to invite all of them? If it's going to make him upset by not inviting them then you should consider it but if you are both in agreement then I don't see anything wrong with not inviting them!
I'm a firm believer that you should only invite people you know and interact with! I think especially since this is his stepmom's family, there shouldn't any obligation to invite them.
There is no etiquette rule that says you have to invite entire families. Invite who you want to invite. The only rule for who must be invited, is that if you invite one half of a social unit you must invite the other.
It could be ill received to invite people with whom you have no relationship. It can appear gift grabby. Even though I am sure that is not your intention, since they don't know you, they may think it is the only reason for the invite.
I voted "it's your day" assumeing "you" means you and your FI. I would ask him. If he's going to be hurt by being underrepresented, then you'll have to invite them. If he's fine with these people not being extended an invitation and is fine to deal with any drama that unfolds if they're not happy they're not invited, then I don't see any reason you need to.
Thanks for the feedback. My FI is upset by how underrepresented he will be on our wedding day, but that wouldn't change with the invitation of his stepmom's family. He's always struggled with the divorce of his parents, and lack of family unity in comparison to the bonds within my family. I feel for him deeply, as there is a lot of attention drawn to these topics throughout wedding planning. We don't want to exclude his extended family, but for our vision, having people we don't even know at our wedding doesn't fit. Our relationship with his stepmom is practically nonexistent, but I fear it being strained further after the wedding. Oh well....it is what it is
@soinlove22: If those people actually matter to him, then I'd say invite them. But, if it's just for his stepmom, then I'd say no since they're not close.
@soinlove22: OMG It seems like we are living identical lives! The same exact thing happened to me....my FMIL sent me a list of about 30 people she wanted to come to the wedding 2 weeks after we signed a contract for 80 people for my venue (and had a solid guest list to back that up). My FH had said he spoke to her a couple times and had only a few people that she wanted to come to the wedding. The list she sent me were mostly people my FH had never heard of or met (She is remarried and a lot of the req. guest list were my FH's stepfather's family).
We had told her to pick 10 people from her list to be on the A list, the rest would be the top priority from the B list, and we would send invites out super early (mid-February) so that we would start crossing off A listers who declined early. It was the best we could do at that point - it took me almost 4 months to find my perfect venue so i wasn't going to budge. But it caused a big blowup....so your FH's family probably won't be happy no matter what with the compromise but I found that when HE talks to his mother about it (not me), it goes over a lot easier and any hurt or anger that she feels dissapates a lot quicker than if I was the one saying it.
Good luck!
@msfarenheit: Totally agree - that's the best strategy to go. My strategy worked only because HE didn't know pretty much anyone on FMIL's req. guest list, and those he did are being invited.
@soinlove22: My FI is going through the same problem with "under-representation". Right now I have about 20 family members on my guest list, 8 of my parents friends (they are paying) and he has his mother, two of his mothers friends, 2 of his close friends, and his brothers and SIL. He doesn't talk to his father or stepmother, so they aren't even a question. His father's family doesn't associate with us and his mother's family lives on the other side of the country and he hasn't seen them since he was 3 or 4.
I guess sometimes one side of the aisle is traditionally fuller than the other? My FI is also really upset because he wishes he had a family that was a lot closer, as mine is, but I don't think there is much that can be done. I encouraged him to invite who he wanted, but he wanted the same as me... just close friends and family.
I'm starting to believe that this is a common problem because the older generation is used to weddings with a large # of guests and the newer trend is for smaller receptions. I keep seeing this over and over and this seems to be the root of the problem.... I wonder if most people would say this is the case?
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MrsOliveBird | 11 |
| ticatica | 11 |
| aussiebee | 10 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 9 |
| janetsnakehole | 8 |
| Scottish_lassie | 6 |
| GelaMac | 6 |
| j_jaye | 5 |
| MrsMSmith | 5 |
| Rivendeler | 5 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| simpleandchic | 2 |
| MrsOliveBird | 1 |
 Myrnac13 |
1 |
Hello Bees, here's my situation....
In September we're having a small family/close friends only wedding. The venue we chose comfortably fits around 100 people. Right now our guest list is at 102, but we realized that only 20 of those people are members of FI family. His parents are divorced, and we are close with his mom, but not so much with his dad. Both of his parents are remarried, which already causes a lot of logistical problems. His dad and stepmom have a lot of family that FI and I have never really met and don't currently associate with in any way,. His mom and stepdad didn't have any family for us to invite. We have decided to invite both of my parent's family, all my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I am close with all of my family and see/talk to them on a very regular basis. Do we need to allow my FI's dad and stepmom to invite their families as well? I'm not too concerned with etiquette in regards to my FI side of the family, but I'm looking for an outside opinion. Oh also my parents are paying for the entire wedding, none of FI's family will be contributing financially.
I was hoping to keep it intimate and personal, but do we allow FI's family to open the guest list up to an additional 30 people we don't know and then possibly have to change venues?????