Post # 1
My FI’s family are close family friends with his ex girlfriend. Now I’ve put up with hanging out with them for 4 1/2 years now and I must say there has been some drama involved along the way with his ex (when we first started dating) and the mother (which still happens currently). It is guest list making time and it has been a huge debate whether or not his ex gfs mom should be invited to the wedding. She has a history of snide remarks and it has always been discredited to oh that’s just how she is. She makes me uncomfortable and even the thought of her being there gives me anxiety. My FI and I have had this discussion and my compromise was they can be invited to the AHR since we are having our wedding in Mexico. Last night it turned into a discussion between my FMIL and FBIL and my FI them against me about the mother being invited. I just shut up because I wasn’t going to argue. They claim it will be drama for the rest of their lives if she’s not invited and not like she’ll come anyways (not a chance I want to gamble with) and I don’t want drama on our wedding day. I want our day to be perfect and not have people who have brought negativity to our relationship at our wedding. I don’t think it’s that ridiculous to not want my FI’s ex gfs mom at our wedding. This is the one decision I’m standing firm on but a tiny tiny tiny sliver of me is debating whether or not it’s worth the “drama”.
Post # 2
Honey, I am with you. It’s YOUR day. I am not inviting a second cousin who I know will have nothing nice to say because I will want to do her bodily harm when she has one too many cocktails and starts her insults about everythig from my weight to the flowers. You need to have a one on one with your SO and tell him how this makes you feel. How would he feel if you invited your ex and his mother? It’s your day, not a day for some ex to shoot you daggers and talk $hit behind your back.
Post # 3
Just to clarify- this is the ex’s MOM, not the ex herself?
What is the drama?
Post # 4
I think its innapropriate for the ex’s Mom to attend. She should think how she would feel if it was her daughter’s wedding. No invite period. FMIL will get over it, eventually.
Post # 5
captjack10: Sorry, but I agree with the family. I think it’s ok for FMIL to invite one or two of her closest friends friends. Just sit her with FMIL and ignore her.
If the in-laws are paying, or part paying, then they definitely get to invite her.
Post # 6
Thanks for the responses. FMIL is inviting 7 friends and we are paying for the wedding. They have offered to help with the at home reception and that was my compromise that she can come to that. The drama is the exs mom lets say is very outspoken and has never had anything nice to say to me which makes it worse when the family is around. I don’t want any negativity, drama or people like that around for our wedding. Its not like its family you have to just suck it up and deal with. Thats part of the beauty of a DW that you dont have to invite everyone and their mother to it.
Post # 7
You and your FI should (again?) have a private conversation and get on the same page. Personally, I don’t think this woman should be invited to your wedding in Mexico, your at home reception is enough. Take it from me- my husband’s mom was trying to tell me I’d gained tons of weight (not true at all) the day before our wedding. You definitely don’t want your FI’s ex’s outspoken mom there, judging everything because it “should have been her daughter.”
Once you and your FI agree, he should tell his family the decision and politely shut down future discussions about it. You shouldn’t have to be caught in the middle of his family discussing this.
Post # 8
How rude if your future in laws. Period. They care more about whom? Your fi needs to stand by you and put his ex and anything to do with ex in the past once and for alL. She is an ex for a reason, the Mom included. if his mom is friends with her, she can do it but not around all but at this point I would question what kind of friend puts down a friends children. Your if needs to stand up for you Now. This should not be tolerated. Not around his new family. It should have been stopped long ago. If he dioesnt have a kid with this ex and even then , there is boundary lines for a resin. Especially goes for rude exes. Ugh. Trust me. Or his family is going to tear your relationship apart or just push you guys away from the family. Trust me.