Post # 1
I’ve been struggling with this question as I’m thinking of guest list. It’s stressing me out.
I want a small wedding with immediate family (parents, siblings, niece/nephew, aunts/uncles)…but I also want my close friends. I have 1st cousins that I’m close to but total 1st cousins are 50 – that’s an extra 100 peeps.
Is it rude to invite my closest of friends over some 1st cousins? I’ve read where you have to do whole groups…so either ALL 1st cousins or none.
Any advice? Anyone else have this guest list issue?
Thanks!! I appreciate it.
Post # 3
I would think you can invite some and not others. I have lots of cousins that im not close to and we havnt invited eachother to our weddings. We just invied the aunts and uncles and didnt worry about it… of course it could be due in part to my aunts and uncles and cousins are all nutty….lol
Post # 4
I would mix it up. Add the cousins and friends that you keep in contact with the most first and go down the line from there. This way you get the best of both.
Post # 5
You can define your small wedding as the people who are closest to you. You don’t have to make a rule about first cousins, especially if you have 50!
My wedding is small — we’ll have fewer than 35 guests — but I don’t have as many cousins as you do. I think it’ll be fine to explain you’re having an intimate wedding without going into details of who’s invited and who’s not. That’s up to you and your fiance.
Post # 6
Are the cousins you’re close to older, and the cousins you’re not younger? If so, then you can set an "age limit" — that’s what my parents did, because my mom’s cousins were all younger than her, but my dad wanted to bring a couple of his cousins.
If that doesn’t work, I’d say invite the cousins you’re close to as "friends", not as family. *shrugs*
Post # 7
I’m the same, I have a list of 50, I shaved it down to my most immediate family and nephews and nieces and 1st cousins. I didn’t invite my cousin’s kid because I barely kno whim. I had to invite their mom my aunt. My other relatives are in another counrty so no problem. My Fiance relatves are in another country too. So that left close lifelong friends and my little NYC circle, making 50-60; I invited a total of 63, but don’t expect everyone to come.
My friend said if you haven’t spoken in one year you don’t need to invite
Post # 8
Thank you all for such great comments feedback and help, helps me feel better and gave me some ideas.
It’s true, I’m closer to the ones my age 30’s and not the older ones in their 50’s/60’s. I’m going to work on maintaining my small list while trying to include the cousins that are my friends and I grew up with.
THANKS AGAIN! This was my first post and I love having the feedback to help solve all these questions.
Post # 9
Is it customary in your family for everyone (all the cousins) to be invited? Seeing that your cousins are mostly older than you, some precendents had to have been set. What do your parents think? It might be something to consider if you’re concerned with family dynamics. I say that because, I too have a lot of cousins. It is assumed anytime one of them gets married, that all the cousins will be invited. So to have some invited and some not would be pretty insulting. If you are paying for your own wedding, and can’t afford to have too many peole that’s one thing. I think it would be reasonable for your parents to help you out to have extra people. They are probably more interested than you, in keeping balance in the family.
If there are pretty clear lines drawn in your family on who is close to whom (ie. some cousins are Out of Town, some you’ve never met, when the olderones got married, you weren’t invited), I would think you are fine to not invite the older cousins. Also how many cousins were you planning on inviting? If you were thinking of three out of 50, I think that would be OK, too. It comes across like you weren’t inviting cousins, but made an exception for three close ones. But if you are inviting half of them, that might be different. I might be in the minority here, but if your family (all cousins) is accustomed to being invited to all the weddings, and it is important to your family, I would be inclined to invite them all. But that’s how my family is…
Could you give us a little more info. What about a small wedding appeals to you? Money, venue you’ve been eying, DW?