Post # 1
First off here’s another thread I made about this cousin. She’s just a real gem. *major eyeroll*http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/rude-remark-about-fitting-into-my-dress-rant#axzz2qExc9bEH
Okay, so wedding invitations went out a couple weeks ago. This cousin (call her A) is married to my FIs cousin. This is her second marriage and has a grown daughter from her previous marriage that’s probably 25, we will call her Z. We didn’t invite Z to the wedding because we only see her at the church’s thanksgiving dinner so I’ve met her a total of 2 times. Well apparently A got her invite and saw that Z wasn’t listed. Well, duh she would get her separate invite she doesn’t live at home and she’s just not invited. So she calls my FI with a big attitude asking if Z was invited. He told her nicely that no, unfortunately we’re on limited space and budget which is the truth!
So today I walk into church and she immediately pulls me aside and asked again if Z was invited. When I said no she started this whole “Well she’s a cousin too!” Shouting at me in the middle of the church lobby. I told her no, again and explained I don’t have money or room for her and her boyfriend. To which I got the response “well, just let me know if she came come or not” wtf? So I got upset and cried a little but now I’m just angry. I’ve invited the max the church can hold and I’m out of money and I’m still not finished paying things off. I’m really upset. It’s not that I have anything against Z I just don’t know her and she never comes around! FI even said not to invite her. Then to throw in my face how she’s a cousin? Um, no she’s not.
Sorry for the long post, it’s really more of a rant. I have 2 months of this crap left and I can’t wait until it’s over.
Post # 3
Sorry you had to go through that 🙁
Post # 4
@Lizzy723: You are right, she is wrong. A married into your family, her adult daughter Z didn’t.
If Z was FI’s cousin’s actual daughter (as opposed to stepdaughter), she would be his 1st cousin, once removed (sometimes called “second cousin”). So in fact she is his step-1st-cousin-once-removed (or step second cousin). Just to put it in perspective, my mother has remarried and so I have adult step-siblings who I have only met once. We never invite them anywhere. (Because, again, my stepfather married into my family, but his adult children did not). So if step-siblings don’t automatically get an invite, why should step-1st-cousins-once-removed?
p.s. If Z was a dependent child it might be different, but she’s not.
Post # 5
@paula1248: I think what gets me the most is the fact that A thinks just because she is a cousin (even though she isn’t) she deserves an invite. I didn’t even invite some of my first cousins. We didn’t even invite some of FIs first cousins. Shoot, we didn’t even invite half of his mother’s family. Because we don’t see them. Ever. At all. Small intimate wedding is just something people don’t get.
Post # 6
What a crazy person! I wouldn’t have invited her adult child, either!
Post # 7
FI is calling her today….she ended up leaving church early because she was so upset and apparently crying over it all. Seriously, grow up.
Post # 8
@Lizzy723: Good luck and please let us know what happens. Since A seems to not be able to fathom Z’s not going to the wedding, maybe she’ll bring her and leave hubby/FIs cousin at home? You need real guests at your wedding, who are happy to share in the joy of your marriage, not entitled drama queens.
Post # 9
@Lizzy723: Holy moly. Could she in any way make this more about her and her drama than about you know, YOU. Never mind your feelings on the matter.
She needs putting in her place, this isn’t just rude but it’s unacceptable adult behaviour. Im taking it that because you know she “ended up leaving church early because she was so upset and apparently crying over it all“ someone else has told you?
It’s just mind-boggling to me that she could be not only so thick, but such drama llama at her age!
ETA: Does Z even… um… care?
Post # 10
I’m not inviting any of my cousins’ children and the ARE cousins. It’s hard to fit everyone in on a budget and you have to draw the line somewhere. Sorry you are dealing with this.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
How annoying!! Good luck with her. I didn’t invite all of my cousins, and they didn’t even personally freak out.
Post # 12
@Lizzy723: Wow, if I were you, I would start avoiding this awful, rude, pushy woman like the plague.
Do you have her e-mail? Phone number? Will you see her again at Church next weekend? Write, call or tell her simply, “I just want to make sure we’re clear that we are not able to invite Z to the wedding. Unfortunately, we were unable to include everyone we woul have liked.”
If she challenges you, cut her off and get blunt. “I’m sorry you’re dissapointed but we have told you three different times now we are unable to invite your daughter. That won’t change so there is no point in discussing it further.”
Be prepared for her to try to pull a fast one – like trying to substitude her husband’s invitation and bring her daughter or call around to other relatives trying to find someone who can’t come so she can try to bully you into using the unused invitation for her daughter. Tell her no – that the invitations are only for the people invited and aren’t transferrable. Don’t argue with her or defend yourself. You don’t owe her an explanation or justification. Tell her no and walk away. If she tells you again to let her know, reply that you already have and the answer is still no.
If I were you, I’d also practice getting more assertive with her. If she gets loud, don’t get upset, tell her quietly and firmly to please not raise her voice to you. If she doesn’t come correct, walk away.
If she says something rude, like the dress comment previously, frown and say coldly, “How kind of you to take an interest in my weight – something that shouldn’t concern you at all.” and walk away.
Anyone this rude, dense and pushy can’t be handled with kid gloves. They need messages delivered with a sledgehammer. That’s not to say you should sink to her level – stay polite but don’t tolerate her shit.
Please keep us updated on how this turns out!
Post # 13
@Lizzy723: How completely rude and manipulative of her! I am so sorry she tried to bully and embarass you into inviting her grown daughter. AFTER, she was already told no by your fiance.
You are totally in the right. It’s your wedding and your budget. If she says anything to you again all you need to say is “we’ve already talked about this. The answer is no. I understand if you do not want to come without her feel free to RSVP no.” and leave it at that.
This lady is completely not worth your time.
I completely agree with everything @Zhabeego: said.
Post # 14
@Zhabeego: FIL told me she left, and I didn’t see her afterwards. FI called today to say that it’s non negotiable and it really wasn’t cool how she spoke to me. She then went on and played the victim and said I attacked her. Ummm? I have a feeling she won’t even come. Which is fine by me.
Post # 15
@Lizzy723: Ugh. At least your FI had the balls to call her out on it. Many guys wouldn’t unfortunately. Ignore her. She’s just stirring up drama for no legit reason
Post # 16
@Lizzy723: Good grief, what a pill this woman is. If she doesn’t come, cool!
I will never understand why people try to get add-ons to wedding invitations. Its bad enough when its their dependent kids, but other adults? Why? Is it just the prospect of a good party and they want their own little guest list? Is it the prospect of free food and booze? What?
I truly cannot wrap my mind around the presumption. The denseness.