Post # 1
Our parents are going thirds with our budget for the wedding so we expect them wanting a say with a few people to be invited. So far its at 8 or 9 people per side for the parents being all friends as we counted family as family. I have no problem with this however Fi is being a right PITA and I’m over it. He doesnt even think its right that my parents have the equal amount of people they are allowed to invite. Bearing in mind that my mum is very demanding…
I have met these people on his parent side a few times over the years however Fi has not many of the friends I have grown up with as we don’t do many social things compaired to his family. Fi also said that some family friends he wants to invite to put under ‘his side’ even though they are family friends (they are his parents friends).
So how to I handle this as he seems to think that he knows best (sorry but he has no idea about what a wedding is compaired to damn party, there are other people and rules involved…)
I don’t want to offend my parents or his parents and guest list wise we are still under the capacity. We are not inviting some cousins (on both sides) who we don’t know well (or like) which already was not received well but I’m not budging on that.
Post # 3
Anyone? I Need amo, im ‘discussing’ it at the moment haha.
Post # 4
Spoke to soon. My mum said my Cousins HAVE TO BE THERE as do my neices and nefues. So how do I only invite family kids and not our friends kids….
Post # 5
We are paying for our own wedding so we have complete say in the guest list. NO cousins, but we are having nieces and nephews + a few special friends children. Unfortunately where there is other peoples $$$ involved there sometimes isn’t much of a leg to stand on! All the best.
Post # 6
@Shonzilla: I’m sorry but I cannot for life me understand your post. What exactly is the problem? Is it that your FI thinks that your parents should not be allowed to invite anyone even thought they are contributing a third of the budget?
Post # 7
@j_jaye: I agree.
OP, I read your post three times and I’m really confused about what the problem is and what you’re asking.
Post # 8
Sorry, emotional post!!!
1. My parents are demanding people to attend that we don’t want to attend – they are helping us pay for the wedding as are Fi’s parents. Should I just do it to stop the arguments with my parents (its 6 cousins that we don’t really know or see but were inviting others)…. Even tho it will cause an argument with Fi
2. Should I invite my immediate family that are children but not the children of our friends – is that ok? They probably wont be there for the reception.
3. Fi doesn’t believe that the guest list should be equal (or close to) as in my parents get X amount of friends to invite and his parents get X amount (at the moment its 9 people)
Is the guest list the hardest part :/
Post # 9
@Shonzilla: Why doesn’t he think your parents should have an equal number of invitations with his parents?
If you’re under capacity and it fits in the budget, invite who you want. It seems to me its fair to give both sets of parents an equal number of invitations.
Post # 10
It would make sense to me that the parents should each get X amount of invites.
If your guest list is 100 people, how about you and DH get 50, and each set of parents gets 25? Or if you’re inviting 50 people, you and DH get 25 invites, and your family each gets 12? To use on whoever they want.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Me personally, if my parents were helping pay and I was under my numbers for guests, I’d just go ahead and invite the cousins/neices/nephews to ease the tension. A situation like this isn’t really worth the fight.
I’m with PPs on what exactly your FI is having an issue with. Why can’t your parents have an equal number of guests as his parents?
My parents are helping to pay, and they’re inviting some people I haven’t seen since I was a baby. It’s safe to say that I don’t “know” them. But I don’t care. This wedding is just as much for them as it is for my FI and I.
Post # 12
@Shonzilla: In terms of the kids I think your friends would understand for the most part. Those are your family and are considered a higher level than your friends kids. If anyone were to say anything to you all you need to say is that they are family and that is that. I personally don’t want any kids at my wedding and the few friends who are coming know this and are keeping their kids at home, but all family is welcome regardless of their age.
I would set a limit for both parents so it is their choice if they want to max out their limit or invite less people – remember, not everyone is going to be able to make it! Once everyone decides who they want to invite it may help to write it all out on paper in categories to get a visual feel for who is coming!
Post # 13
My parents and FI’s parents are each inviting about 30-50 friends and my parents are paying. We are only inviting the children of family members but not of friends so I think it’s fine.
Post # 14
@Zhabeego: To be honest, he is a little on the selfish side with these types of things. He says he doesnt know them….
@BrandNewBride: It worked out that 40 were family which was actually 20 each. we had about 10 friends each and then the parents had their friends. Thats not including the cousins that we both don’t want to invite because we don’t know them and I have seen them all of four times over my life.
@LMD: I was thinking it might just be easier in the long run. They might not even turn up anyway and at least we did invite them. Agree with you on the friends, they need to have a good time too. Not everyone has a party each year like his family do!
@JessicaJupiter: I did a excel list and a graph already 🙂
Post # 15
Family members who are children are a totally different story from chidren of family friends.
We invited our aunts and uncles who will bring our cousins who happen to be children. We also invited family friends on both my side and fiances side, but in our area its just commonly known, if you aren’t a family member you don’t bring your kids to a wedding. So to answer your question no, it is not unfair for family friends to not bring kids while your family brings their kids, in fact I think in most places thats pretty customary that only family has the unsaid right to bring kids.
Post # 16
Ok thanks KristenLiz11, ill see what the week brings in discussions – were on a antwedding talk weekend now haha.
Thanks everyone else for the replies too. It has given me a few things to think about. Just wish that my family was as easy as his some days!