Post # 1
My fiance’s best friend has an evil live in girl friend. I dislike her, my fiance dislikes her, a couple of his friends dislike her. She always has a look on her face like someone farted. When he introduced me to her she made snide underhanded remarks about us as a couple and these continued for a while. I am not a fan of hers. I recently noticed she had even unfriended me on facebook, along with her boyfriend/fiance’s best friend (who i actually get along with!) She is just a miserable mean bitter person. She never congratulated me on our engagement after it happened online or in person!
I HATE the thought of her being at our wedding, knowing that I have to pay to feed her and eliminate a friend or family member I would MUCH rather have to share my special day with than someone I dislike so much and obviously dislikes me. His friend will be one of the groomsmen and obviously he is going to want to bring her to the wedding. What can I do? Is there ANY loophole in wedding etiquette to avoid having to invite her and not ruin their friendship?
Post # 3
nope. They are a unit and she should be invited.
Post # 4
The trouble with not inviting her is that FI’s best friend could get offended and not attend. I would only not invite her if she is so volatile that she would actually disrupt the wedding. But if she’s just unpleasant, invite her. If she’s negative on your wedding day it only looks bad for her.
Ignore facebook unfriending. Some people are just private.
Post # 5
Sorry OP, but you need to invite her. Think of your FI’s friend. How do you think it’s going to make him feel if you don’t invite her? How would you like it if your FI wasn’t invited with you because the bride didn’t like him. Wouldn’t you be very hurt?
Post # 6
None. She should be there.
Post # 7
Unfortunately, from an etiquette perspective, there isn’t a loophole. If a couple is married, engaged, or living together, etiquette requires you to consider the couple to be a social unit and extend the invitation to both members.
Post # 8
No, I have no desire to attend their wedding if they ever do get married. I also think it is disrespectfull that they both deleted me from fb (it was not a privacy issue) I am just at a weird spot. Her boyfriend and I get along when she isn’t there everyone laughs and has a great time, if she is there he doesnt really talk to me. I dislike her but I don’t tell my fiance to avoid her nor do I care. I just feel like if you hate me that much you don’t need to share my special day. IT is just a bad situation.
Post # 9
well, if someone has a magic loophole please let me know until then I will just hope for them to break up
Post # 10
I know some people have a rule that means you don’t invite people who aren’t married or engaged. But you have to do that for everyone, no exceptions. However, since her BF is in the bridal party it would be considered extremely bad etiquette not to give him a plus one.
Personally, I think she gets an invite.
Post # 11
I know I say this constantly but etiquette be damned, I wouldn’t have anyone negative or anyone who makes me miserable to be around on the guest list.
Post # 12
It’s hard to be the bigger person sometimes. Invite them both and don’t give her another thought. Fingers crossed he dumps her before the wedding and you won’t even have to worry about it.
Post # 13
Maybe she won’t come!?! One can always hope!
But really, if you hate someone, I really don’t think you should have to invite them to your wedding. Ettiquette or not, I just think it’s so weird to HAVE to invite someone you don’t want to. But this is coming from a gal with a guest list that goes on for days b/c I’m unable to stand my ground too. 😉
Post # 14
@katkelly24: She might not show up if she is that misrable!
Think of it this way: you will be at your most beautiful and she will have to witness your bliss at marrying your FI. At the reception, you don’t have to talk to her. If you see her coming, smile and say “I’ll be right back” and leave.
Post # 15
@katkelly24: I always find it amusing when some says someone is a mean nasty bitter person when at the same time they are being mean and nasty about that person!
Ultimately this is about your FI and his friends relationship. When you are friends with someone you don’t have to like their partner but you do have to respect their choice to be with them (unless they are abusive but this girl doesn’t sound that way). This woman obviously makes your FI’s friend happy and if you exclude her from the wedding then you will cause a rift between your FI and his close friend.
The only persona behaviour and comments you should be concerned with are your own. Just because someone does something rude/mean/nasty doesn’t greenlight it for you to do it in return- otherwise you are just as bad as them!
Post # 16
That was REALLY wonderful advice!! Thank you SO much for that!! I will take that with me and when I feel upset or angry that I have to invite her I will remember your advice and smile!! You REALLY have been amazingly helpful!!! Thank you a thousand times over!!