Post # 1
I am really upset about this and I don’t know what to do anymore.
It is important to mention that both sides of parents are paying half and half for the wedding.
Long story short, my fiancé and I selected a venue that has a minimum requirement of 150 people. We want to keep it as close to 150 as possible because it’s a nice venue and it’s expensive, and we also wanted a small of a wedding as possible to keep it intimate. We are sitting at about 160 because we know some people won’t be able to make it.
My mom is a social butterfly and has a lot of friends. Today my mom mentioned possibly inviting a group of 6 of her friends, all of which I haven’t seen in roughly 10 years (I grew up with them living on my street) and since then I’ve bumped into them occasionally. It is also important to know that we are inviting two sets of my parent’s friends, whom my fiancé and I know well and have actual relationships with.
My fiancés parents have 0 expectations of the guest list – “It’s your day invite who you want” attitude. The fact of the matter is, is my mom really wants her friends there even though my relationship with them goes way back and I honestly never thought about inviting them.
My fiancé is being persistent in his opinion that only our closest friends and famioly members should be there considering we have a number constraint. My mom said she’s willing to pay the extra to have them but it’s not about that for my fiancé – he doesn’t want strangers there.
As long as my closest relatives and friends are there I could care less really. I just want everyone to be happy.
My parents are footing half the bill so I feel like my mom should have some say in this…but how do I please both sides?! It feels impossible at this point and I’m caught in the middle of it. My mom is ticked that he doesn’t seem to care about what she wants…what do I do???
Post # 3
I really don’t think your Fiance is going to notice those extra 6 people there, especially if your mom is willing to pay for them to be there.
I had trouble with parents inviting friends but if your parents are paying (mine are, too) then it is partly “their party” too. They are hosting the dinner and they’ll want someone to talk to during the night.
Post # 4
hm, how many friends are your parents inviting without the 6 new people? if your fiance’s parents are only inviting four friends, are the vast majority of the invitees your guys’ friends?
also, these 6 people, by your own admission, AREN’T strangers. you know them, even if you’ve only seen them a handful of times over the past few years.
Post # 5
My fiancés parents aren’t inviting any of their friends. They want US to choose who our guests are. I think their leniancy is making my mom’s requests seem demanding to him.
Without this new 6, we have 2 couples that are my parent’s friends that we’re inviting. But we have relationships with these 2 couples and not the other 3 she wants to invite.
The rest of the guestlist is about half his family, half my family, and then a group of our closest mutual friends. We have huge families.
Post # 6
@Ms. Meowerson They aren’t strangers to me, they are to him. He hasn’t met them before and we’ve been together 9 years. To him that says something.
Post # 7
@leadmeastray88: Have you met every member of his family who are invited?
To me it’s as simple as: they are paying.
If you guys can host the entire thing, then you get to pick the entire guest list.
Post # 8
@leadmeastray88: I know how you feel! Im put in the same situation but me and Fiance are paying for the wedding.
If your folks and his are paying, your Fiance shouldnt be huffy puffy about your mom inviting a few more that shes going ot pay for,
My situation is that my FI’s folks want to invite a crapload of people and I have to pay for them. Thats not fair.
Post # 9
@bookworm88: Yes I have. Even the out of town ones, numerous times. Most of them are out of town guests.
As I said, I think his parents being so relaxed and having no requests is making my mom look like the bad guy. I don’t know what to do 🙁
Post # 10
I don’t think it’s a big deal – you’re very likely to have more than 10 ‘no’ responses so I think the extra 6 will help keep you over the 150 minimum.
Post # 11
I have seen some serious guest list horror stories (and heard some from friends, actually), so maybe that is coloring my view, but 6 people sounds pretty reasonable to me. Especially if you’re having 150 people. That’s not exactly “intimate”, KWIM? Like another poster said, you probably won’t even notice them. Maybe your fiance is worried his parents will be upset? I just think it would come off as ungrateful to deny your mom, who’s paying for half the event, a reasonable request.
Post # 12
My parents invited a bunch of their friends who I barely knew. I tried to fight it in the beginning but then just gave in.
Let me tell you, I didn’t notice them for a second, (except when we did table visits). We spent the majority of the night with people we did know, (our friends and family), and my parents were happy to have their friends there to celebrate the occasion with them. It was a win win. It’s hard to admit, but I was totally wrong in trying to fight it.
It’s a big day not just for you but also for your parents. They’re excited about their daughter getting married and they want to share that with their friends too. You have to try to explain that to your Fiance. You don’t want to start off your marriage with a wedge between him and your parents. If he denies them this, they will have that against him for a long time. Does he really want that?
Post # 13
Since she’s footing half the bill & willing to pay for their portion, then she should be able to invite them. It’s a bit unreasonable for her to be unable to invite her friends if she partially pays for the bill. Plus, a group of 6 is very small so I don’t think your Fiance will notice them at all.
Post # 14
I think you have to tell your FH to suck it up and let your parents invite them. If they are paying, they have a say in who’s invited.
There will be enough people there that he won’t have to interact with them – when you visit tables, you can just go by yourself to that one.
Post # 15
i think you should just let them invite their friends. it is VERY wonderful of them to be footing half the bill!!! you are a very lucky girl.
Post # 16
We are allowing my Fiance parents to invite about 16 people and my parents are inviting 8. Fiance parents said they will gladly give us more money if we go over our projected number of 150 people if it is due to their friends. I can’t argue with that!
Plus, it’s important to remember that as much as our weddings are to celebrate our relationship and committment, it’s a really huge day for our parents, too…so I vote to let them have some fun and invite the few people they’d like. You will be too busy to feel bogged down by a few additional guests you don’t really know!