Guest List Drama. Feelings Hurt.

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

bassbee:  Most couples have to draw the line somehere. Make a conscious decision to not be bothered by what what people say. Their feelings are their problem.

Post # 3
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would just stick with the line that you have already given.  “We don’t have the space to invite everyone.  We have made compromise by cutting all of the cousins on both sides.  The line that we have drawn is fair to everyone.  This discussion is over.”  If she continues to ask, or beg, or what ever, tell her “I already told you the reason.  This is not up to discussion.”   If she continues on “I already told you this wasn’t up for discussion, I’m ending the conversation.”   Then walk away or hang up.  Cycle 2 and 3 as often as needed, and get your FI to use the same exact words.

Post # 4
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee

bassbee:  I, for one, don’t agree with the requirement to invite in strict circles; we did level of closeness, combined with age. For us, DNA does not equal an invitation.

Although my 1st daughter to marry invited all aunts/uncles, they drew the line at age 21 and up, with their first cousins. For my 2nd daughter’s wedding, they invited 6 of 8 aunt/uncle couples (based on closeness – there’s no realtionship with 2 pairs) and 6 of 8 first cousins. Only 2 aunts/uncles and 2 first cousin couples even bothered to attend. In hindsight, we would have saved money on the 4 of 12 invitations that were sent to these realtives, because they didn’t even bother to send a congratulatory e-mail or card.  

With our family, and it’s probably the same for yours,  there’s a darn good reason why certain people aren’t invited and they’re actions or words, or in our case inactions, is why.

Post # 7
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

bassbee:  I agree with what Jules said. And honestly, you could draw the line anywhere and someone will be offended.

I have friends who had 300 person weddings and there were people (obscure relatives or relative’s friends and people like that) who were upset they weren’t invited. I went completely opposite and only immediate family and grandparents are invited. I still have aunts telling me they are coming! Um, no.

Stay strong.

Post # 8
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Follow your gut instincts!! 😉 It is your wedding day, you want to surround yourself with people you love.

Just keep saying (and it is true!!!) that you’re doing it at your parents’ house and there is no space! You can say that as a sign of respect for the elders, you had to invite all the uncles and aunties and other elders of the family. You have to give it a good twist because, as a lovely person, you did have good intentions

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