Post # 1
Can you guys help me sort through this? Some drama has just come to my attention.
About 3 years ago, I was thinking about running for president of a major student group at my college. I was pretty friendly with another girl, who was also running. She had a major advantage over me because she’d already held the managership. I thought that she shouldn’t be running at all, because traditionally, if you had been manager, you did *not* subsequently run for president. She’d said some stuff before I entered the race like "oh, I’ll only run if no one competent is running," so I was hurt when she didn’t drop out when another friend and I (both competent) entered the race. She won, and I was pretty broken up about it.
Shortly after the election, she said a few things that I read as *really* snarky. Stuff about how much I drank (not that much, but she was a non-drinker), stuff about my appearance, etc. I figured that it was pretty clear that we weren’t friends anymore. We sometimes invited each other to things, and were cordial but not really friends… it would have been drama if we had a major public enmity, so I figured it was an appearances thing. We haven’t spoken since college.
Obviously, I did not put her on the guest list.
Someone just approached me after hearing through the grapevine that she’s heartbroken not to be invited – apparently, she thought that we were friends. I guess that maybe after the election, she was on top of the world, so she just meant her remarks as reconciliatory teasing (albeit poorly done), but I was sensitive and heard them as mean and nasty. I feel kind of guilty for misreading the situation, but I’m not sure what to do now. Should I invite her? Email her? Call her? Explanation or no explanation?
On top of it, my fiance witnessed how miserable she made me when we were co-existing, and told me early on that he didn’t want her invited… maybe he’ll change his mind once I talk to him, but it’s not a sure thing….
Post # 3
Simply put: No. If you haven’t spoken to her since college and she made you feel that badly why would you want her there on your wedding day?Don’t get guilted into inviting people you and your FI don’t want there,
I wrestled about what to do regarding some of my own college roomates that I lived with for two years, we had a bit of a falling out but reconciled. At the time I was seeing them a lot because of my BM’s wedding. Since then they’ve blown off any efforts by me or my BM to get together with them. So, I’m not inviting them and I’m sure they’ll be hurt but I have enough to worry about as do you.
Post # 4
Don’t put yourself through that. It’s your day, not hers.
Post # 5
No! If you haven’t talked to her since college and you don’t consider her a friend then why should you? You only want people that truly love you and that are important in your life with you on your day, I wouldn’t even worry about her and don’t let it bother you.
Post # 6
How long have you guys been out of college? From your post, it sounds like you graduated 1-2 years ago. A full year or more without speaking to someone is a long time — even if you guys were once good friends (and it doesn’t sound like you were), it strikes me as odd that she’d expect a wedding invite if the last time she saw you was college, unless you just graduated last week or something.
I’d say no, don’t invite her, and don’t give her an explanation. You’re not friends. That doesn’t mean you think she’s a bad person or anything, you’re just not close and she’s not someone you thought to put on your guest list. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all!
Post # 7
Heck no! you don’t need to invite an aquaintance/"frenimy" to your wedding like that. Nor do you need to give her an explination. She wasn’t invited. Period. Its not like 1st grade where you have to invite everyone to your birthday party.
Post # 8
I say NO! as well. She sounds like she treated you like poo and doesn’t deserve to be invited to your wedding. How would you feel if she said snarky comments about your wedding and you found out? From what you’ve written, that sounds very possible – almost likely. I’d say shake it off and keep your guest list as is.
Post # 9
Heck no! You were hurt, and her [email protected]$$ed attempt to fix that now is sad. She’s clearly just trying to weasel her way into the party. Do what your gut told you in the first place and leave her out!
Post # 10
I wouldn’t worry about it if you have no desire to be friends with her in the future. Do you see her a lot?
Post # 11
I hate that brides have to defend themselves when it comes to picking the guest list. Don’t feel bad. If someone brings it up again just say that "we have decided to only invite family and close friends". End of story.
Post # 12
Your guest list. Your choice. You meet X amount of people over your lifetime & you only have room for so many after family. Don’t even worry your pretty little head over this.
Post # 13
I know of a few people who I have heard of htat are upset with me because they a) weren’t special enough to get a personal call about my engagement so they found out on facebook instead and b) are really upset they aren’t coming to the wedding.
I just ignore it all. They don’t deserve any contact or explanation WHY. that just makes it worse.
Post # 14
I don’t know this gal and I could be totally off, so take this with a grain of salt. Sounds to me, though, like she might be a bit into drama and that this might actually be more of that drama vs. her truly being ‘hurt’ about the invite. A little part of me wonders if she wants the invite as a chance to size up your event, if it wouldn’t just be a chance for additional snark on whatever you chose.
Maybe I am totally off base and I don’t want to judge someone unfairly. You know her best and you probably know if this is the case.
Post # 15
I would not invite her. If she truly is hurt she’ll feel like she’s on the B list. You don’t need to give her an explanation. If you choose to tell her say it’s family and friends or there are budget, or size constraints. It sounds like she hurt you for awhile in college, and whether she meant to or not she wasn’t an amazing friend.
Post # 16
ugh! just leave it alone – you don’t have to invite her. You definitely don’t have to stress about it either. Please let it go and don’t look back. If you don’t talk anymore, you weren’t close friends (or even if you were and you aren’t anymore), you don’t need to invite her. She will be okay.
(i know, it is a frustrating situation. but i stressed over something similar for months and really wish I hadn’t!)