- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
After much deliberation, FH and I decided to have an adult-only reception (we’re just doing a cocktail reception at 8pm on a Friday night, so we didn’t think it would be a big deal to invite only guests who are 18+), which would follow our private ceremony (30 guests). This was part of our compromise because I want a small wedding (75 guests max) and he was thinking 250 guests. But, we both have uber-large extended families, so we said “immediate family, aunts, uncles, and cousins over 18 years old). That way our max would be 200-220 people for the reception.
Good compromise, right?
Wrong. After mentioning this numerous times over the past 6 months, FMIL broke the news a few weeks ago that she wasn’t comfortable with excluding some of the cousins. Her rationale – she’d be upset if only some of her kids were invited. Totally makes sense – except that extending the cousin invitation to ALL cousins would increase the guest list by 50 and open it up for cousins with babies to bring more small children. Not at all what we wanted. Maybe she’s confused about “small wedding” because one of her kids got married recently and had a ginormous wedding?
Apparently, FH said “I understand and we should be able to do that.” WHAT?!? That is NOT in our budget.
Well, we sat down and talked it through and I explained that his 5 under-18 cousins weren’t the only under 18s we had. Words were said, tears were cried and basically we decided (I think) to go back to our original plan. Have yet to break the news to FMIL.
The kicker is that last week we received “her” guest list . . . of 50 people. That’s almost a quarter of our entire guest list! All I could do when I saw that was laugh. For two days.
I just don’t know what to do about this, but we have to get this mess cleared up soon because more family events are just around the corner and I don’t want the wrong message to go out that more people are invited than is accurate, and FH won’t set a time to talk with her. And I obviously can’t bring up the subject – I’m just going to be the FDIL. I need to start off on the right foot – she has to love FH no matter what, she doesn’t have to love me.
It’s just so out of character because she’s been totally understanding and hands off on everything else. Why jump in now? I’m just so confused and really could throw the towel in now and just go to city hall to get married, but FH really wants the whole wedding thing . . . *sigh*