(Closed) Guest list drama–what should i do?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First of all, I would hope this other woman would decline the invitation knowing that that couple would be there. If you have already sent the invitation there is nothing really you can do except seat them on opposite sides of the room and hope that they can avoid each other.

You might want to also give your MOH a heads up before hand so she doesn’t bump into her and have it be a total shock.

Post # 4
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Assuming you haven’t sent the invites yet since you’re over 5 months out – just don’t send one! If you’ve verbally discoussed the wedding with her, I think it’s still fine not to send an invite.

 

Post # 5
Hostess
16217 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Have you already sent invites? If so, you may have to deal with her attending. Can your FI talk to her about her being on her best behavior?

Post # 6
Member
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Even if you have sent a SD, I would NOT send her an invite. This is one of the very few situations where I would say it’s ok not to send an invite even after they have received an STD. She shouldn’t expect to be welcome there and who  cares if she thinks otherwise!

Post # 7
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I wouldn’t invite her. If you sent an STD, do not follow it up with an invitation. If you verbally invited her, don’t send a formal invitation. I wouldn’t follow etiquette if it is going to totally ruin the night of someone important to you.

Post # 9
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

My thought is no formal invitation, and no further explanation unless she reaches out and asks for one. If she contacts you about it, you can let her know what she just found out… unless someone has a more diplomatic suggestion, I sort of believe that people shouldn’t be sheltered from the consequences of their actions…

Post # 10
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree no formal invitation. If she asks I would just say “so-and-so is my maid of honor and I want her to be able to enjoy the day with us. ” I would think given the situation she wouldn’t push the issue.

Post # 11
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

However, if I received a save the date but no invitation, I would still think I was invited and that maybe the invitation just got lost in the mail or something? If she thinks the same way, she may well show up!

Post # 12
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

It would be so crass of her to attend, hopefully she knows that and has no intention of coming. I would skip the formal invitation.

Post # 13
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would talk things over both with your fiance and your MOH. before making any unilateral decisions.  Maybe the MOH and her husband are in a place now where they really wouldn’t care…particularly if they weren’t seated with her.  If your wedding isn’t tiny, they wouldn’t need to have any actual contact with her at all.

You say the other girl is good friends with other people going so she’d be hurt if you didn’t invite her.  Her friends who are coming could also get upset with you if you leave one person out of the group. 

You also don’t mention whether she knew the friend’s husband was attached to someone else when she was with him.  It could be that the husband is the only creep in this story and both girls thought they were the only one at the time.  If that was the case, it would be kind of harsh to just drop her with no explanation at all.

I do think your MOH’s feelings are important…and if having this girl there would totally ruin things for her, you probably shouldn’t invite her.  But I don’t think it would be particularly good to just not send her an invite…it would just lead to drama within that friend group, or she would still end up coming since she got the STD and all the friend group is still invited.  If you choose not to invite her, your husband should speak with her (since it’s his ex roomie) and explain what’s going on.

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