Post # 1
So I have recently found out that my MOH’s husband cheated on her with another guest before they were married. I knew a little about the infidelity but she never talked to me about it that much. I’m afraid to have the 3 of them bump into eachother at my wedding. The other women is an old roommate of the groom.
What is the best way to go about uninviting the other woman? Is that even possible? I just would hate for my MOH to be hurt even more by this possible diaster.
What should I do?
Post # 3
First of all, I would hope this other woman would decline the invitation knowing that that couple would be there. If you have already sent the invitation there is nothing really you can do except seat them on opposite sides of the room and hope that they can avoid each other.
You might want to also give your MOH a heads up before hand so she doesn’t bump into her and have it be a total shock.
Post # 4
Assuming you haven’t sent the invites yet since you’re over 5 months out – just don’t send one! If you’ve verbally discoussed the wedding with her, I think it’s still fine not to send an invite.
Post # 5
Have you already sent invites? If so, you may have to deal with her attending. Can your FI talk to her about her being on her best behavior?
Post # 6
Even if you have sent a SD, I would NOT send her an invite. This is one of the very few situations where I would say it’s ok not to send an invite even after they have received an STD. She shouldn’t expect to be welcome there and who cares if she thinks otherwise!
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I wouldn’t invite her. If you sent an STD, do not follow it up with an invitation. If you verbally invited her, don’t send a formal invitation. I wouldn’t follow etiquette if it is going to totally ruin the night of someone important to you.
Post # 8
We’ve sent save the dates already. My fiance has had a number of roommates over the past few years and she is one of them. Her and another girl lived in his house for over 2 years.
Other than that she’s not that close to either one of us, it’s just more that she’s good friends with many of the other people we’re inviting so I know it will hurt her feelings.
I’m super pissed at my MOH’s husband, but I can’t un-invite him.
So I’m happy you all agree that it’s not a good idea for her to come…but now, do we verbally un-invite her or just never follow through with a formal invitation?
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
My thought is no formal invitation, and no further explanation unless she reaches out and asks for one. If she contacts you about it, you can let her know what she just found out… unless someone has a more diplomatic suggestion, I sort of believe that people shouldn’t be sheltered from the consequences of their actions…
Post # 10
I agree no formal invitation. If she asks I would just say “so-and-so is my maid of honor and I want her to be able to enjoy the day with us. ” I would think given the situation she wouldn’t push the issue.
Post # 11
However, if I received a save the date but no invitation, I would still think I was invited and that maybe the invitation just got lost in the mail or something? If she thinks the same way, she may well show up!
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
It would be so crass of her to attend, hopefully she knows that and has no intention of coming. I would skip the formal invitation.
Post # 13
I would talk things over both with your fiance and your MOH. before making any unilateral decisions. Maybe the MOH and her husband are in a place now where they really wouldn’t care…particularly if they weren’t seated with her. If your wedding isn’t tiny, they wouldn’t need to have any actual contact with her at all.
You say the other girl is good friends with other people going so she’d be hurt if you didn’t invite her. Her friends who are coming could also get upset with you if you leave one person out of the group.
You also don’t mention whether she knew the friend’s husband was attached to someone else when she was with him. It could be that the husband is the only creep in this story and both girls thought they were the only one at the time. If that was the case, it would be kind of harsh to just drop her with no explanation at all.
I do think your MOH’s feelings are important…and if having this girl there would totally ruin things for her, you probably shouldn’t invite her. But I don’t think it would be particularly good to just not send her an invite…it would just lead to drama within that friend group, or she would still end up coming since she got the STD and all the friend group is still invited. If you choose not to invite her, your husband should speak with her (since it’s his ex roomie) and explain what’s going on.