(Closed) guest list drama with FMIL…VENT!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

What does your FH say?  He should be having a pretty serious conversation with his mom.

I think that you’ve been super polite, but I would really try (as in, your FH should try) to get her to tell the new invitees that she made a mistake and they can’t come.  If you give in this time, she will do this again.  I would remove yourself from this equation right now and ask your FH to handle this.  You (regardless of outcome) are only going to come off as the bad guy.  He needs to explain why you guys aren’t doing a b list again and then say that it IS about respect (for you and your guests).  She can’t verbally extend invitations to whomever.  Just in terms of logistics; what about place cards, seating arrangements, etc?  The cost (and the arrangements) aren’t just about showing up for the dinner….as you know, I’m sure.  🙂  This kind of crap makes me mad.

I agree that this is about respect.  You were completely (IMO more than) fair with regards to the distribution of invitations.  She is being completely ridiculous.  This doesn’t help you though (but I can validate your feelings 🙂 ).

Post # 5
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

What if you explained to her how this is making you feel not respected and putting a huge wall up on your future relationship with her.  I think sometimes people just go a little crazy about wedding invite lists and don’t realize how their pushiness makes others feel.


Post # 6
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

I would tell her to pitch in some money for her extras.  Is she at all amenable to this?  Does your venue hold more than 180 comfortably?

Post # 7
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with Arwenbride, you need to set it straight now. and FH needs to do it.

Post # 8
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have the exact same situation. My best advice to you is have your fiance and fiance ONLY deal with it directly.

Post # 10
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Tough situation! But it’s your Future Mother-In-Law who did the faux pas, not you, so she should own up to that!

After all she verbally told some guests they could come, but in the end neither you or your Fiance confirmed it, nor did you send an invite. It’s not her place to invite people and this is quite normal.

But for the future I agree that you should push your Fiance to deal with her and to be more firm. Ask her to not get you (or herself) in such situation again and remind her that your father is paying for everyone, so you must all be greateful for this and follow the guidelines you’ve all agreed together.

Good luck!

Post # 11
2 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with Lexsy.  It’s her faux pas that she is going to have to deal with.  You control who gets invites and if people don’t get a formal invite, then they don’t get to come.  She can deal with the aftermath of her verbally inviting people.  I kind of can’t believe this is an issue to be honest.  If she isn’t paying for the wedding, she is lucky that you gave her a generous number of people to invite!  I also agree with the other bees that your Fiance should be getting involved at this point.

I hope it works out!  I’m dealing with my own in-law issues and understand how frustrating it can be!

Post # 13
14 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

OMG are you me????  This is exactly us! Except we’re a little earlier in the planning process.  We’re not to invitations yet.  We’re still trying to finalize the guest list.  We have said 75 for them and she has repeatly said that she can invite NO LESS than 250 people….. 250 flippin’ people!!!  We don’t even want 250 people at the wedding.  FI is stuck in the middle trying to make me happy and trying to make his mother happy and doesn’t handle conflict well and just wants me to talk to her…. and I don’t want to.  I feel like it should be Fiance who does it.  UGH!!

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