to invite or not to invite…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
31 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

Oh dear, that sounds so frustrating!

Do you have other first cousins that are invited or are these two your only ones?

I think it’s a little bit rude if you are only inviting cousins who are also friends and excluding others. That said, it’d probably only be your aunt who would mind – if your cousins haven’t spoken to you in four years, they probably don’t care.

I think with cousins, it’s good to have a rule so that no-one feels like it’s personal.

A few examples:

1. Invite all cousins or none (if anyone gives you grief over inviting none – just keep repeating how you wanted an intimate wedding and want to keep numbers down. The fact that you weren’t invited to your cousin’s wedding is a really good point, too).

2. Invite eldest cousin from each side of the family or from each branch of the family if this coincides with the cousins you want to invite and the ones you want to exclude.

3. Exclude young cousins by having an adult-only reception but make them welcome at the ceremony if possible.


Post # 4
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Sophiekins17:  Depends on the size of the wedding.


IMO, yes if they’re cousins, uncles or aunts, regardless if you have a relationship with them, you invite them. But my wedding isn’t a small intimate wedding.

If its really small, I’d say no though.

Post # 6
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


On the size of the wedding, size of the 2 families coming together (yours & his), capacity of the Venue, and most important WHO is paying, and can they afford it.

When I got married the first time, my Ex-H came from a very large extended family… all the Aunts & Uncles got Invites (it was the RIGHT thing to do considering that this was the type of Wedding we were planning for… a BIG White Pouffy Family Wedding, and My Parents were paying).  My Groom knew all these Relatives, but he certainly wasn’t close to all of them.  In reality cause so many lived out of State, they didn’t come.  C’est la vie.

On my side, we did the same thing.  Altho my Extended Family was considerably smaller.

There were certainly far flung Aunts & Uncles I rarely saw… and Cousins I barely knew.

As well as a few overseas Invites sent, to Relatives I had never met… people like my Great Uncle (Gramma’s Brother).  But again, it was the right thing to do cause they were family and that was the “theme” for the Wedding My Parents were hosting. 

The far flung Aunts & Uncles and their kids came.. and all was fine.  The Great Uncle form the UK didn’t make the trip.  No surprise there.  BUT he did send a nice gift… and that wasn’t expected, and it was graciously accepted.

Hope this helps,


Post # 7
6158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Sophiekins17:  we didn;t.

i did not invite anyone from my dad’s side of the family.  i hadn’t talked to them in 15 years.  i saw some of them when they came to my dad’s funeral a few years ago but now we are back to no communication from that side.  i feel better off.

my FI has a huge family,  he had to cut out of a lot of distant relatives because we don’t have the money to pay for everyone.


Post # 8
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I have an estranged aunt and cousins on my dad’s side, haven’t seen them in over a decade. No one would bat an eye if they weren’t invited.

I also have an uncle on my mom’s side that I’ve “met” twice in my life–and those were the last two times my mom saw him. The joke is always about him being MIA from every family event. I’m not sure he would even know who I was if he received an invitation to my wedding!

These people certainly won’t be invited.

I think it depends on why they aren’t invited, and if you have any relationship with their immediate family. If cousins, is there mom or dad invited? For me, no one in my aunt’s family will be invited. They are an entire social unit we’re cut off from.

Post # 9
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think you’re supplying enough information.  

If you don’t have a relationship with these relatives because they just don’t have much to do with the family and don’t go out of their way to come to any family events, I think it’s appropriate to not invite them.  If you do see them at family events, and they’re close with other members of your family, it would be nice of you to invite them.

Post # 10
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

No.  Or at least I didn’t.

Post # 11
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have no relationship with anyone on my dad’s side of the family, other than him. His “mother” (none of us claim her) is a terrible person, and his four siblings aren’t the nicest people either. There are a few in the family that I will speak to in passing, but most I will not even acknowledge. I did not invite any of them. 

As far as my mom’s side, she is an only child, but her parents have big families–I invited pretty much all of them, but they are all so old I doubt they will show up.

Post # 12
2276 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Sophiekins17: Do you want them there? If so, yes invite them, and if not, don’t.

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