- 9 years ago
- Wedding: April 2010
So, I’ve gotten myself into a little situation….. I have a huge family and my parents are paying for our wedding, so that means that all my family is invited. Our venue has a capacity of 250, but with only our families, close family friends, and close personal/life-long friends, we’re up to an A-list of 265 (and I hate B-lists, but it was a necessary evil…that’s got about 15 people on it). There are a few college friends that I would really like to be there, but they’re on the B-list at this point – this really sucks, but what can you do? (I booked my absolute dream venue and thought I could make it work with our initial guest count if we limited the list to ‘Family and people who will still be friends in 10 years’….I mean, 250 is a lot of people, right?!)
Anyway, my situation has to do with my co-workers. I work with about 25 people and we’re all kind of friendly (we go to happy hours together, etc). There are 4 people that I’m *maybe* closer to than the rest, but it’s really just that I like them more than the others (they’re definitely not life-long friends in the least though) . My parents initially thought that I should invite work people, so we put these 4 people (+ wives/husbands) on the A-list and I’ve already talked to them about the wedding and verbally invited them. But I’m starting to feel really bad about not being able to invite the rest of my coworkers. I mean, how do you decide who to invite and who not to invite? We all see each other every day….. They all ask me about the wedding and I avoid talking to them about it b/c it makes me uncomfortable b/c I know they’re not invited. Especially one guy who invited me to his super, secret post-elopement party (he is not one of the 4 people on our guest list….). And THEN I read that etiquette says that you should either invite all of your co-workers or none of them. Another person that I work with is getting married and has invited all of my co-workers, which will make me look even worse! But there’s just no way we could add any more ‘random’ people to a list that is missing some people that we really want there….
So, someone gave us the suggestion to do a little pre-wedding party with my coworkers, which we thought was a fabulous idea! Just mention to everyone that we have some size constraints to our wedding but we want to celebrate with them, so we’ll just pick a place and night and have everyone come out and party. No gifts, no expectations, just a night of fun to celebrate us. :o) Great…guilty feelings gone!
But, here’s my question.,…..if we’re planning to do a party for all of my work people, can I just not invite the people that I already verbally invited to the actual reception? (They can come to the wedding ceremony though). I’m left with a choice to only invite a few coworkers and not others (faux pas #1) or ‘take back’ a verbal invite (faux pas #2).
I would obviously explain to the 4 coworkers that I feel really uncomfortable inviting some people and not others. And I’ve talked to these 4 coworkers about our guest list issues already, so they know about the problems and how I can’t invite everyone else. If it was me and someone came to me sincerely and explained this situation, I would be completely fine with it. But I know not everyone is that way.
Anyway, my fiance thinks that not inviting them would solve everything b/c we can add more people that we really want there to the A-list. I know it would solve a lot of problems, but I just don’t want to be rude. I know…I should have never opened my mouth to them in the first place…. Anyway, any advice you all have would be great!