Post # 1
During high school and college I spent my summers working at a summer camp. Anyone who has also done this knows how close knit these communities can be. I met a male friend and we became extremely close. He was my best friend, and I always figured he would be involved in my wedding and maybe would even walk me down the aisle one day. We had a falling out, but it still seems wrong for him to be absent. He moved away and is now in a relationship with someone I have never met. He has let his girlfriend manipulate him into casting away our friendship. She has told him that she feels threatened by our relationship and doesn’t understand it. I want to invite him, but still hold onto some resentment and anger towards both of them. I really don’t want his girlfriend at my wedding. Does this make me an awful person? Do I have to invite her? I want to be surrounded by people I love that day and not reminded of the pain that has been a rift in this friendship
Some other significant details..
-they live together
-since we will have a large group of friends coming from camp, we are thinking of only inviting the significant others that we know and spend time with. They will have plenty of folks to hang out with since they all know each other
Post # 2
I think it’s pretty cold to invite a guest and not invite their significant other; usually, by the time you make it to “significant other” status, it’s a fairly well established relationship. Even worse if you are picking and choosing which significant other’s to invite based on whether or not you know them— while it does sound logical to do it that way, it isn’t fair on the guests, especially given that sometimes, whether or not you meet someone’s SO is purely up to luck.
I also think it is unwise in the long run to put this friend in a situation where he feels he has to choose between his SO and you. It’s pretty likely that, if the SO weren’t invited, it would cause disagreements in their relationship, and he’d have to choose: go to your wedding and have the SO angry with him, or skip the wedding to make the SO happy. There’s no easy choice for him, and it’s not fair to force him to make that choice, plus that pretty much destroys any chance you and the SO ever have in the future of mending fences.
Post # 3
Yes, you have to invite her. Guests with a significant others have to be invited as a social unit — to not to so is a slap in the face of their relationship. This goes for all your other camp friends, too. I would not attend a wedding that I was invited to if DH wasn’t, and vice versa. I would find that incredibly offensive.
Post # 4
dianaangela621: I am the kill them with kindness kind of person. So my advice is to invite her. If you did not invite her she will think you are petty and think less of you. If you are the bigger person and invite her she has absolutely nothing to say. She will go to the wedding or she wont. If she does go she will be jealous of you the whole time (because that is what petty girls do). She will only have a reason for her behavior if you give her one. By inviting her you are taking that reason away.
Post # 5
Etiquette is clear that you must include SOs of couples who are either married, engaged, or living together. It is rude to exclude people in that category.
I’m not sure what to make of the GF’s attitude. Does she suspect a romantic or sexual history? Were you ever an item or “friends with benefits?”
Post # 6
Since they live together the etiquette is pretty clear about inviting her. If she is really that manipulative do you really think she would let him come if she was clearly snubbed?
Post # 7
Thanks for the honesty. No romantic history, though maybe she suspects it? I honestly am just holding onto a lot of hurt, so I suppose my rationale is coming from that. I don’t 100% blame her, I blame him, too. He was the one that LISTENED when she insisted we stop being friends, after all. It would feel wrong for him to be absent, though.
As a side note, I was invited to a wedding without my fiancé (then live in boyfriend) and wasn’t offended. To me, it didn’t feel like a slap in the face because my fiancé had never met the couple. I understand that others don’t see it that way, though
Post # 8
dianaangela621: In response to your last post, you said you were not offended when your fiance was invited to a wedding without you. In the case of your friend, though, you KNOW that his GF WOULD be offended (since she has come between the friendship of the two of you, and told him she feels threatened by it). So if you really want him to be there, you should probably invite her too. (even if you did just invite him, sounds like she is manipulative enough that she wouldn’t allow him to go alone) Or maybe, you just need to come to terms with the fact that your relationship with him is never going to be the same, and not invite either of them.
Post # 9
dianaangela621: I think it’s very possible she suspects it, or even that she knows something you don’t about how her BF used to feel about you.
Post # 10
if you had a falling out and aren’t friends anymore, i doubt they would come to your wedding, even if you invited both of them. If you invite just him, I can almost assure you he would not attend.
Post # 11
Sorry but couples who are maried, engaged or live in bf/gf need to be invited together. If there is a couple that isn’t married, engaged, or living together then it’s ok to invite half of the couple.