Guest List Etiquette Question

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
6034 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think it’s pretty cold to invite a guest and not invite their significant other; usually, by the time you make it to “significant other” status, it’s a fairly well established relationship. Even worse if you are picking and choosing which significant other’s to invite based on whether or not you know them— while it does sound logical to do it that way, it isn’t fair on the guests, especially given that sometimes, whether or not you meet someone’s SO is purely up to luck.

I also think it is unwise in the long run to put this friend in a situation where he feels he has to choose between his SO and you. It’s pretty likely that, if the SO weren’t invited, it would cause disagreements in their relationship, and he’d have to choose: go to your wedding and have the SO angry with him, or skip the wedding to make the SO happy. There’s no easy choice for him, and it’s not fair to force him to make that choice, plus that pretty much destroys any chance you and the SO ever have in the future of mending fences.

Post # 3
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, you have to invite her.  Guests with a significant others have to be invited as a social unit — to not to so is a slap in the face of their relationship.  This goes for all your other camp friends, too.  I would not attend a wedding that I was invited to if DH wasn’t, and vice versa.  I would find that incredibly offensive.

Post # 4
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

dianaangela621:  I am the kill them with kindness kind of person. So my advice is to invite her. If you did not invite her she will think you are petty and think less of you. If you are the bigger person and invite her she has absolutely nothing to say. She will go to the wedding or she wont. If she does go she will be jealous of you the whole time (because that is what petty girls do). She will only have a reason for her behavior if you give her one. By inviting her you are taking that reason away.

Post # 5
Member
6900 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Etiquette is clear that you must include SOs of couples who are either married, engaged, or living together.  It is rude to exclude people in that category.  

I’m not sure what to make of the GF’s attitude.  Does she suspect a romantic or sexual history?  Were you ever an item or “friends with benefits?” 

Post # 6
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Since they live together the etiquette is pretty clear about inviting her. If she is really that manipulative do you really think she would let him come if she was clearly snubbed?

 

Post # 8
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

dianaangela621:  In response to your last post, you said you were not offended when your fiance was invited to a wedding without you. In the case of your friend, though, you KNOW that his GF WOULD be offended (since she has come between the friendship of the two of you, and told him she feels threatened by it).  So if you really want him to be there, you should probably invite her too. (even if you did just invite him, sounds like she is manipulative enough that she wouldn’t allow him to go alone) Or maybe, you just need to come to terms with the fact that your relationship with him is never going to be the same, and not invite either of them. 

Post # 9
Member
6900 posts
Busy Beekeeper

dianaangela621:   I think it’s very possible she suspects it, or even that she knows something you don’t about how her BF used to feel about you. 

Post # 10
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

if you had a falling out and aren’t friends anymore, i doubt they would come to your wedding, even if you invited both of them. If you invite just him, I can almost assure you he would not attend.

Post # 11
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

Sorry but couples who are maried, engaged or live in bf/gf need to be invited together. If there is a couple that isn’t married, engaged, or living together then it’s ok to invite half of the couple. 

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