(Closed) Guest List – Friends over relatives you barely know?

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m in a similar situation. I have a HUGE family, some of whom are more distant in terms of relation but am close to (ie: my father’s cousin’s children whom I grew up with and talk to on a regular basis) and some close family (1st cousins) whom I haven’t seen since I was a child/I don’t remember ever having met them (ie: 1st cousin got married a few years ago, my parents went to the wedding and in the photos they took, the only reason I knew which one was my cousin was because she was the one in the big white dress and veil and all that). We’ve just decided that we are going to invite who we want, end of story. It’s our day, and TBH, if my cousins whom I don’t remember having ever met are mad that they don’t get invited, I probably won’t ever hear about it because I never talk to them…

Post # 4
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Invite your friends. Strangers shouldn’t be at your wedding, especially since you’re having a more intimate one. I only invited one of of thirteen cousins- everyone’s now scattered, and I’ve only seen one of them in the past 5 years. Why have a family reunion for people I don’t know, vs. a celebration of our marriage- having a group of friends vs. people you don’t know makes a HUGE difference in the vibe of the event.

Post # 6
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

It could cause issues- an aunt or uncle or grandma could be upset (weddings can bring out the worst in families)- but I would think if it was important to whatever relative got upset, wouldn’t they have made a better effort for you to know their children?

I can’t imagine going up to someone at our wedding- “Hi, we’re the bride and groom. Who are you?”

Post # 7
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012 - Hacienda los Agaves

There was a similar situation on my family recently. This second cousin only invited my grandparents to their wedding and one of my uncles, personally I don’t care, we don’t have a close relationship with them and I don’t plan to invite them to my wedding, but some of my uncles did care, not cause they actually wanted to go, but because he just invited “some” of the family.

I personally think this is ridiculous, and I think it’s better to have friends you like and care about you, than family that’s invited just cause they’re blood. But just be prepared for the family getting offended, no matter what people like to make drama.

Post # 9
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence

We’re doing friends vs. family members, for the most part… even for family members we DO know! There are a tiny amount of aunts/uncles/cousins invited to our wedding vs. friends. We’re only inviting 50 so we were picky. For the most part everyone has been understanding (at least to our faces).

Post # 10
Member
781 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

yup, just invite who you want and who you know.  cuz our parents invited all these random people we didn’t know, and it was awkward for us when we were standing at the entrance and these people would walk in..and they just stand there… cuz they know our parents and not us.  and our parents were off socializing with other people.  and it was just awkward standing…they knew we were the bride and groom and we had no idea who they were.

Post # 11
Member
2282 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We made that choice – dear friends over distant family (and our target was about 80, too). We had some tough conversations with our parents about it, but had to explain that this was our wedding, and not their family reunion, and we wanted people there who were actually invested in our lives and our relationship. That took care of it, and there hasn’t been a single problem since.

Post # 12
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

For my side of the guest list I’m only having immediate family and close friends.  There will be more of my friends there than my family.  We were aiming to keep guest list under 50 and the way my mom’s side of the family is(not close to my dad’s side) if I didn’t invite everyone, some would get fussy about it.  So even though there are aunts and cousins I’m closer to, I went with an “all or nothing” policy for my extended family and so none of them are invited.  They have all been very understanding about it actually(thank goodness).  On my FI’s side he only has a couple of aunts and an uncle  so I told him he can invite them(they likely will not travel for DW anyways). 

Post # 13
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We had a rule – every person on the list had to be someone who was important to one or both of us (not counting plus ones). So we didn’t invite any of my DH’s aunts/uncles, since he’s not at all close to them. (And I don’t have any aunts/uncles, so that wasn’t a problem.) It was hard, but it was the best possible choice. Everyone at our wedding was someone we truly cared about. It made for such a wonderful, loving atmosphere.  (We invited about 70, 55 attended.)

Post # 14
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You should invite who you want.  Depending on your family, you might have a little grieve over it but it’s your day and you can’t please everyone.  I have a dear friend in tears over her guest list right now.   She only invited aunts and uncles from her dad’s side and they are upset that their grown kids didn’t get invited.  From her mom’s side she invited aunts, uncles and cousins and the cousin are upset that its a Adult Reception and they can’t bring their kids.  It’s gotten so bad that her grandmother on her father’s side doesn’t want to come over to the house because she is upset that her grandkids are not invited.

It’s your wedding and you should be able to decide who is there and who isn’t.

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