Post # 1
My fiance has a huge family – around 200, and that is limited 2nd cousins (etc). His parents originial guest list of friends was over 70 people. In addition, they have mentioned that they want to contribute, but won’t give us a #. On top of it, now his aunt asked if her daughter who is a freshman in college can invite her boyfriend of 5 months. My fiance, put on the spot, agreed. Another cousin (who was already told her children wouldn’t be invited) put me on the spot asking what the age limit of kids is because her daughter would have fun at our wedding. First off, in my opinion I think these questions are rude, but now its making me more stressed everyday as to how we can pay for it.
I have asked my fiance a million times to talk to his parents to see if they are in face contributing and he just keeps putting it off. Any advice on how to lower our numbers? Get FI to step up and talk to his parents?
Post # 3
Ok when people ask you obnoxious questions, it’s hard not to answer them and to tell them what they want to hear. But if you can master this one line, it will save you a lot. Random friend asks if they can bring + 1, o sorry, i’m actually not sure, we are still working on it.
Family member asks to bring kid, o i’m sorry I don’t know we haven’t made a decision yet, were still working on it.
Just keep repeating yourself till they get a clue.
Did your invites actually go out yet? Did you create a final guest list? I think you need to have your actual final guest list settled, than set up a meeting with FI and his parents and sit down and say this is our list. Our top number is xyz, I would really like if you could give me a number of how much you were think of contributing, so we can decide how many people we need to trim off our list since we absolutley cannot spend more than X amount.
Good luck, i don’t know what people think when they hear wedding. It’s not a freakin free party for them and all the people they would like to bring.
Another thing you could do with the kids, just tell the parent of the one that said she would really enjoy it, just tell him that she’s more than welcome to the ceremony to see us get married, but the reception is adults only and your sorry but the venue only holds x amount of people.
Post # 4
You’ve got to get a number from the in-laws or this thing is going to spiral out of control. Put the brakes on wedding planning until you can get a number. You can’t budget for anything or decide on a photographer until you know what you can afford.
Post # 5
I agree. You first need to get that number for the budget. Or well actually I think you FI needs to get that number. You really shouldn’t have to ask his parents for money. And as for the extra guests, just say you have reached the maximum of amount of guests for your venue. People can’t argue with fire safety laws.
Post # 6
It seems like in the end, you are going to be paying for most of this. Even if your in-laws do contribute, it doesn’t seem like they are going to contribute a big amount or that they even want to. If they wanted to give you money, they would have done it early on, right?
If you are paying for most of it then, you have control. You just need to decide what you want and don’t want. If the the list is too long, start cutting people out. You’ll have to make some hard decisions that others might not agree with. For ex: your FI might need to call his aunt and say his cousin’s boyfriend can’t go.
Sorry this is so hard for you. My FI are struggling with our list too.
Post # 7
My fiance and I just went through the guest list cutting. You cannot invite everyone, even though it is tough to cut people.
There’s a good article on The Knot about ways to cut your guest list which I found helpful.
But yes, you definitely need to get a number from your in-laws. And then split your list and find out how many are from the bride’s side and how many from the groom’s. Then work on making it more equal.
Also, as pp’s mentioned, pick a limit (say 200) and then everyone else goes on the B-list.
Post # 8
Thanks! One tough thing is that our reception hall can fit up to 1000 so that doesn’t totally work, and his cousins are coming (which are kids) so it isn’t adult only. His mom has told me she will work with a # i give her, but I told my FI that we can’t give her that # if she can’t tell us what they are contributing. Hopefully I have gotten through to him on this… it has been a long battle!