Guest list hell and a lil meltdown

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

242beauty:  Can you and your FI come to an agreement of how many guests his Mom is allotted counting family and friends, then tell her to prioritize her list? Instead of FI duplicating her list, give her a number and invite the people she most wants there.

Your parents get a number, and you and your FI get a number. Each of you decides who to invite within that number.

Post # 4
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

242beauty:  It’s usually easier of they know what number of seats thye are allotted. You and your FI may have a completely different idea than her  of the definition of “closest family and friends”.

Post # 5
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

My mouth dropped open at her list of 140… WHAT???? This isnt her wedding… why does she have a guest list? Le sigh. I would talk to FI about his side being 100 total including his moms picks. You should have any remorse toward what he chooses to do with his list, unless this was someone you both agreed on… Talk to him, make him into a numbers person and then set him loose on his mom… Geez, talk about inconsiderate!!! Dont get worked up and if I were you, I wouldnt tell her about that additional 20 seats either!

Post # 6
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

242beauty:  ohhh my god. Are we marrying into the same family? I wanted a 50 person wedding. I got a 250 person wedding with my MIL having a FIT about wanting 50 of her friends there. WTF does she need 50 friends there for? DH was really good and he pushed back and stood up to her which is something i really love about him. He has to do it and it has to come from him since its his mother.  DH said “you get 20 that’s it, thats what we told you so how about you cut these 20 other people neither of us have met”. 

She was really stubborn but in the end she knew it was our wedding and us and my parents were covering the majority of the costs so she needed to stop. 

Let her have a fit if she wants. I swear its what FMIL are for during a wedding. 

Post # 7
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

I guess I don’t get why you couldn’t send your guest list to her as it stands?  140 sounds like a lot of people, but you said that 95% of those people where already on the list that you and your FI made up.  It sounds like you could have saved yourself some stress by at least giving your FMIL a starting point.  I haven’t just shared my guest list with my mom, my FMIL, but I also have sent it to my cousin’s FI who is getting married after me.  It isn’t a big secret.   

At this point, finish the rest of your guest list, and then give your FILs a set number of seats after you figure out how many you can accomidate, or streight cut people you and your FI don’t want there.  Your FI can then go to his parents and tell them the final decisions. 

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